Would you write off this money from house with ex DP?

[Lauren83]

I was with my exdp for 5 years, for the last 2 I was really poorly and in and out of hospital then battling infertility, we had been engaged for a while and he suggested we got married I think to give me something to look forward to, before the wedding I had a meltdown and said it didn't feel right but we brushed over it and we had the wedding, the whole do cost £1,100 I wore a £30 dress and did the food myself the reception was in the garden and ceremony at the registry office.

2 months later I met the love of my love and I know its wrong I got my head turned but you know when you meet the one you realise what was wrong about everything you had before, anyway I left my ex and stayed in my brothers spare room for a while, we had bought a nice 4 bed house a year previous to which I put a few grand down as deposit, bought nearly half of everything in there and paid 40% of the mortgage every month which was over 1k between us, he was on a higher wage so could afford the mortgage alone I couldn't so me staying wasn't an option, we had signed a 3 year fixed term and he asked if I would keep my name on for him til the 3 years were up as they might not let him remortgage on his own, I did and the 3 years is now up, he met a new partner who is perfect for him and they now too are madly in love and she wants to go on the mortgage which works perfectly for him.

I wrote off everything a year of mortgage payments, my deposit and half of all the new furnishings and I was happy to draw a line under it due to the guilt I felt for leaving him so soon.

Anyway I'm due to sign the paperwork to remove myself now and a few people have said to me I should ask for my deposit back and/or some money towards what I paid out (must be around 12k)

Would I be unreasonable for asking? I don't know if I can bring myself to do it after everything, we are on good terms by the way. I'm just really in debt from having to buy everything from scratch when I left and started again renting

I need to decide before I sign but I feel for the choices I made morally I should write it off... I would only want the money to pay of debt
Help??

Ok do he has messages

Ok he has messaged me again re the fact I have to get my signature witnessed ar his solictors, I say I will be taking it to someone at my brothers work to look at, him saying he will save me £20 sound like he is doing me a favour has riled me....

Hi. Just called the solicitors. They said they can send you an ID1 form for you to take to another solicitors if you can't make it down there. Another solicitors may charge 20 quid tho for doing it. But if you knew someone there could be free. They are sending you the form anyway so you have a choose of what to do. Hope that's ok. If you have to pay I will transfer you the fee. As I agreed you wouldn't have to pay anything. Xx

He is very desperate for you to just sign it, isn't he?

We don't get a fine for our moral behaviour, if that's why you're thinking you don't deserve to get your money back. You realised that the relationship wasn't what you wanted and you left. That's ok. It's allowed. It is not illegal or wrong to leave a marriage that you are not happy in. It is a shame for both of you that it happened, and I am sure it was painful all round but you realised you had made a mistake and you left. You are allowed to do that. How the relationship ended has got nothing to do with whether or not you are entitled to any money back that you paid in.

I honestly would not just roll over on this. It is not your 'punishment' for leaving the marriage.

Nor do you have to stay amicable. What would happen if you decided to see if you were in fact legally entitled to your deposit back? He'd no longer be your friend? And? Doesn't sound like preserving the friendship is his priority here tbh. He wants to get you to hand it over. And that's fair enough. He has his agenda and probably feels he is entitled to it all. But you don't have to agree with that.

A view from the other side. My DP was married for about a year to a woman who cheated on him with the next door neighbour. They owned a house together, and had lived together for five years prior to the marriage. They got divorced rather than an annulment, and he bought her out of their house completely - she hadn't even paid any of the mortgage when they were together, he paid the mortgage and she paid the bills, because he earned more. He remortgaged for the whole lot to be able to afford it. He did keep the furniture though - she asked for half the value and I think he told her she could have the lot but he wasn't buying it off her. Even though she was completely at fault, he still made sure that she got half of the house's value.

Even though you left him, you still own half of that house...

He is desperate for you to sign isn't he...

EVERYTHING Hecate said.

You made a mistake and honestly ended a marriage you were (both) unhappy in. There is no penalty payment due for doing this! Why do you feel you should forfeit this money?

Also agree its nice to be amicable but is he worth having as a friend if he is the kind of guy who is so hasty to avoid returning your deposit.

He got the house because he had more money than you in the first place, and was able to pay the lot - because you kept your name on the mortgage!

THought I'd done a long post on here yesterday but doesn't seem to be here and I have to run now - but just wanted to say...

Remember you're the one in the position of power here - until you sign your name on the bottom of the form which gives him loads of money from your joint house.

I'd ring his solicitor and say that you were expecting to at least get your money back - why should you give up so much money and leave yourself at such a disadvantage? I'd also complain that it is unethical that at no point has he mentioned telling you to see your own solicitor (unless it was in the letter and not here) which is outrageous when you were effectively being tricked out of several thousand pounds of your own money...

Your ex could add more money onto the mortgage if he is so desperate for your name to be off the deeds, but at the moment you own a half share and deserve a half share of the profits that you would get if you sell it now.

It's great to see you are getting a solicitor to look at it for you.

Keep strong and make sure you get the money you deserve!

Don't be a mug OP.

My mum gave up half her share of her parents house to her brother because he said it was the family home and it should stay in the family. She thought it was the moral thing to do. Her brother sold it straight away and moved into his girlfriends house making £180000. How would you feel if this happened to you?

Just updating you all.....

He has agreed this morning to give me 3k to sign it over, he refused at first and said how wrong I was to ask but has backed down

Thanks for the info it gave me the balls to ask and I quoted a few bits

The money is going in my ivf fund (or nappy fund if this ivf works will know in 2 weeks)

Thanks for not giving me a flaming

Lauren

Well done op and good luck with the ivf

Thankyou very much HavanaSlife