Would you write off this money from house with ex DP?

[Lauren83]

I was with my exdp for 5 years, for the last 2 I was really poorly and in and out of hospital then battling infertility, we had been engaged for a while and he suggested we got married I think to give me something to look forward to, before the wedding I had a meltdown and said it didn't feel right but we brushed over it and we had the wedding, the whole do cost £1,100 I wore a £30 dress and did the food myself the reception was in the garden and ceremony at the registry office.

2 months later I met the love of my love and I know its wrong I got my head turned but you know when you meet the one you realise what was wrong about everything you had before, anyway I left my ex and stayed in my brothers spare room for a while, we had bought a nice 4 bed house a year previous to which I put a few grand down as deposit, bought nearly half of everything in there and paid 40% of the mortgage every month which was over 1k between us, he was on a higher wage so could afford the mortgage alone I couldn't so me staying wasn't an option, we had signed a 3 year fixed term and he asked if I would keep my name on for him til the 3 years were up as they might not let him remortgage on his own, I did and the 3 years is now up, he met a new partner who is perfect for him and they now too are madly in love and she wants to go on the mortgage which works perfectly for him.

I wrote off everything a year of mortgage payments, my deposit and half of all the new furnishings and I was happy to draw a line under it due to the guilt I felt for leaving him so soon.

Anyway I'm due to sign the paperwork to remove myself now and a few people have said to me I should ask for my deposit back and/or some money towards what I paid out (must be around 12k)

Would I be unreasonable for asking? I don't know if I can bring myself to do it after everything, we are on good terms by the way. I'm just really in debt from having to buy everything from scratch when I left and started again renting

I need to decide before I sign but I feel for the choices I made morally I should write it off... I would only want the money to pay of debt
Help??

Except if a sale had been forced, she wouldn't have got her money back as there would been estate agents fees, solicitors fees and early redemption penalties on the mortgage which would have wiped out both their deposits.

Plus, OP was/is legally liable for half the mtge repayments the whole time she has been on the mtge but hasn't contributed (not saying she should have but ex might counter any claim with that).

I don't think she's liable for capital gains tax as the property has not been sold and/or she hasn't made any capital gains, but I'm not a tax expert.

It is bizarre that this wasn't sorted at your annulment. I know it would have been in a 'normal' divorce.

With the later info, I think it's actually more unreasonable for you not to get something for the furniture or some of the furniture than that you get your deposit back, The actually. It's a shame you didn't feel like you could ask for that earlier.

Please either seek legal advice or don't sign those mortgage papers just yet until you feel happy to do so - at the moment you are consumed with guilt still and this is affecting the way you are dealing with this house sale. That is exactly what it is - your ex is effectively saying "sign here" and you relinquish all ownership in your property.

Do you know how much your property is worth? Look on Zoopla for an estimation, or prices sold from RIghtmove. Property prices have gone in up in areas over the past 3 years and yours could me in one of those areas. If it hasn't gone up, then there is probably no point asking for your deposit back as with solicitors, estate agents fees etc, you would have lost the deposit you put in.

If you find this out before you sell, then you will never regret any move but if you don't, then there will always be a niggle in the back of your mind.

Then with this in mind, just ask your ex again for a contribution towards the debt you got yourself in buying the furniture etc and see what he says. It sounds as though you are more in debt as a result of buying the property than he is. In any divorce, this would have been sorted out.

Good luck but be strong!

Just out of interest if you said that you're not signing until you get your deposit back, what would he do? He could have made his mortgage a bit bigger to cover it. Is he going to like it - absolutely not. Everybody likes getting something for nothing.

If he and his new wife go on to have kids and you can't pay for a last round of ivf that might have been the successful one, how are you going to feel? When you have provided £12k & furniture not to mention the equity rise...

I do think that you are definitely owed something - yes, you left, but it sounds like that was the right thing to do and he was hardly acting like a loving husband!

If you can't bring yourself to demand money out of the property now (might be interesting to see what he would say if you said to him to sell it now!) then another option would be to put a charge on the property so that when he sells it you get your deposit back, along with any percentage increase on your share of the investment (on the basis that he paid the mortgage in lieu of you paying the mortgage and him paying rent), minus any fees.

Not ideal as you wouldn't have the money now but at least you should get something...having said that you need to say too what would happen what would happen if it went into negative equity... I'd be tempted to say that as it's in positive equity now and you're letting him stay in the house rather than forcing a sale, you still expect your deposit back as minimum.

I'm also guessing they might have had a new valuation survey done for the remortgaged - see what it was and compare to your original one; they often seem to under value to protect themselves so make sure that you factor that in.

Finally if he tries to blame you for springing this on him and that it is unreasonable of you to do so, just point out that he assumed you were going to give him your share of the deposit (meaning you don't have one for anything else) and all the furniture and all your share of the increase in equity value. You assumed that he ws going to be fair and buy you out of your fair share and that it had never occurred to you that you would be expected to forfeit such a lot of money. If the new gf (with or without his help) can't afford to buy you out fairly then why should you give up the equity you have sitting in the house?

Sorry just catching up

It's a 4 bed semi in a fairly desirable Northern town that we got for £190,000 3 years ago, it had been up a few years before that for £210,000

The paperwork came just now

It says 'Transfer of property'

We act on behalf of ex and new dp with regard to the transfer from me and ex to the clients joint names

We understand you will receive no monetary consideration in respect of your interest in the property but you will be released from the existing covenants contained with Yorkshire bank

We are currently obtaining title deeds before being able to draw up the transfer document

Says to attend the office with ID to sign it

Go to your own lawyer and talk. Lets face it, the charge for a conversation with lawyers here is a pittance compared to 12,000. Seriously. Do not go for the feeling guilty angle here but rather this is your chance for IVF and to be out of debt.

I'm not sure if I would have a claim in anymore than the deposit? The 12k was taking into consideration mortgage payments (like a PP said in lieu of rent) and furniture . I only put 3k down as we had used quite a bit of my savings for fees etc, not everything got split down the middle so its hard to work out

Does anyone know if a transfer of properlty will leave me free on any liabilities? Does it sound like its being done correct?

Lauren please please see a solicitor pronto.

That letter is very much dictated by your ex and sounds very perfunctory from his solicitors I.e. He had told them you are coming off and are receiving nothing. No one on his side (including him) are acting on your behalf so won't be considering or caring if you will be liable for any capital gains etc.

I would seriously go on zoopla type in your old street and look at what the houses similar to yours have sold for (it's really straight forward) and you'll get an indication of it's worth.

Frankly him saying that he'd have sold years ago if he'd know you weren't just giving him the house wanted your deposit back shows how he's been playing at being nice all this time.
He's using the excuse it would have cost you both and he's saved you from that. Well the glaring hole in that argument is that if he was all for sharing when there was a loss to be made he can't now refuse to play nice and share now that there is a profit to be had.

You can put in a claim for your share of the deposit and for the time you spent on the mortgage payments in fairness, however from what happened to my friend, her ex was able to claim for the entire time he was on the deeds even though she paid the mortgage.

You should really get some legal advice before signing and not for my our ex's solicitors as they are already dealing with him.

How much as a percentage of the deposit was the 3k?

Oh and you didn't only put down £3k if your money was used for fees (and furniture) back then if you hadn't paid for that then the money would have had to come from him so his bigger deposit was supported by your money.

Zoopla says its gone up the price, the actually property is listed and the area has been creeping up steadily

My brother works in the legal field although different speciality I'm going to ask him just to run it by one of the property people at his chambers get another view

God I bet he is getting twitchy waiting for me to sign, even if I sign his solicitors are in a different town and all my days off are at the ivf clinic at the mo, and it says to go in and sign in person too so I can't anytime soon

His new DP has done ok, straight out of renting and into a fully furnished house (and its a bloody nice house)

Lauren - get proper legal advice and make sure you are comfortable with everything. What you need to weigh up is whether you would be comfortable to receive nothing given the circumstances only to find they've made a profit X number of years down the line when they sell. They may be intending to sell as soon as your name is off the deeds.

The transfer document is a standard land registry one taking your name off the mortgage and therefore releasing you from the obligations to pay it - that's the bit about the covenants with Yorkshire Bank. 'No monetary consideration' means you are receiving no repayment of anything you put in in return for transferring your interest in the property to whoever is named on the document.

Surely annulment gets treated in the same way as never been married?

Lauren I work in this field pm me if you want.

I heard annulments is the same as never been married, I do think there was a bit on the annulment form that asked if there was any children/access/assets to take into consideration and I just said no, maybe I shot myself in the foot?

I don't want to claim anything that's not mine I would of just wanted to use that 3k to clear some debts, I know its irrelevant but I know they aren't struggling and always on hol he could easy access it back for me

Lauren please email 43percentburnt as she suggests above and begin to get some proper advice.

Clearly he can afford legal advice and has a solicitor acting for him.

The least you can do is get the same.

I would get legal advice.

I know non married people can get a joint mortgage, so there has to be something legally in place for that.

No way would I write off £12,000 pounds.

It was a 5% deposit we put down I think just over 9, I put 3k in him the rest but we dipped in to both our savings for other stuff, I transferred money for the solicitors out of what could of been a bigger deposit

I wonder if anyone has actually suggested to him the decent thing would be to sort me out, or he genuinely believes he shouldn't

43percentburn what would you do? I'm weighing it up and I'm sorry to be soft but I don't know if I have the balls to take it further, I know that shouldn't matter I'm just not hard faced enough he probably knows, wish I could grow some!

I won't sign anything yet though

Posted loads on here but its my first aibu so I am very grateful for those taking the time to advise and for people not flaming

If your on the deeds and mortgage by law you own part of the property he wants you to hand it over for free. I wouldn't sign the paperwork and if you can prove what you brought and he kept you could get some of that back I would of thought

What skyadelic said but pay your own legal fee

If you could afford to comfortably write this off then ok but it doesn't sound like you can

His I would have sold it if I had known etc etc sounds like horse shit

No one can tell you what to do but we can all say what we would do. I don't anyone has suggested that he should offer you some money, and if anyone has he probably responded with why should I?

He obviously knows / knew you well, therefore he knows what your like and likely to avoid conflict therefore he is banking on that.
What would have been the right thing to do would have been for him to let you know the mortgage deal was up and he was ready to take you off the details. Have the house valued and make you an offer to buy you out dependent on what he thought was fair, give you the option to counter offer and come to a mutually agreeable settlement.

He didn't, he just assumed / hoped you would sign it all over to him with potentially £29,500 in equity (assuming the house is back up to its previous value of £210k and doesn't take into account the amount he may have paid off in the last 3 years).
Do you really believe if that figure is accurate then he can't find at least £3k (and think the fees and furniture should mean you are owed more) which you really need?

For what it's worth I would find a solicitor, ask there advice and depending on what they say ask them to handle the whole thing don't have any direct involvement.

Lauren please don't let yourself be shafted, because make no mistake that's what's happening here. He is taking you for a fool, you must see that. Why should your ex and new gf make a healthy profit at your expense?

You have done nothing wrong, you have nothing to feel guilty about. Both of you had your heads buried in the sand and you did both of you a favour by leaving when you did.

Please please take everyone's advice and get some legal advice. If you don't like conflict they can handle everything for you.

Someone who would wilfully rip you off for 12k is not a friend worth keeping anyway

I'm definitely going to seek advice on it then first, you have all givens me the balls to at least try harder

Don't get me wrong I'm not usually a pushover but I think my guilt over what happened has made me want to just slope off quietly

But you are right I could look back and kick myself about this if the ivf works, and if it fails