Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To assume that RSVP on child's party invite means I will (should) receive a reply?

66 replies

Perplexing · 06/06/2014 14:08

I have issued invitations for DS' birthday party.

Out of 12 I have heard from 2 people.

I need to confirm numbers as it's being held at a place where you pay per child and I don't want to pay up front for 12 if only 10 turn up.

I saw a parent this morning and casually said 'Can x and y come to z's party..?' and she said 'Oh yes' in a tone of voice which seemed to suggest it was obvious. Am I supposed to be a mind reader ? Confused

I feel a bit silly having to chase people up, but I will need to know sooner or later.

And what if people don't reply and then turn up on the day and I haven't 'paid' for them?

Help dear MNers with more experience of children's parties...

OP posts:
mousmous · 06/06/2014 14:10

reception class?

I usually get about half the replies. and that is with not inviting the whole class anymore...

Original poster
Perplexing · 06/06/2014 14:11

Hi Mousmous - it's a year 2 class. A v small class and we invited the whole class.

OP posts:
mousmous · 06/06/2014 14:11

oh, and I (so far) haven't booked anything where I needed 'numbers'.
sometimes siblings turn up, sometimes children are ill...

redskyatnight · 06/06/2014 14:13

Did you put an RSVP by date on the invite? Otherwise people tend to tell you the day before (even if it's glaringly obvious that you'll need numbers in advance) . When is the party?

Original poster
Perplexing · 06/06/2014 14:14

Mousmous, that sounds a sensible plan, but DS badly wanted this party and he doesn't have a party every year (because of expense) I wanted to treat him.

Unfortunately it is something where they need numbers (and payment for those numbers) up front. I am just disappointed at people being so lax about it, maybe I am also being naive. I think I will avoid anything with numbers being needed in future, but as I said, DS really wanted this type of party.

OP posts:
Original poster
Perplexing · 06/06/2014 14:16

Hi Red sky - yes I did put a date, I guess they still have a few hours left technically - maybe people do leave until the last minute.

Party isn't for 2 weeks but I need to know by this weekend to book it. And if not enough people can come there are other DC outside of school who DS might want to invite.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 06/06/2014 14:19

YANBU, it's rude.

How long does it take to send a yes/no text message?

haggisaggis · 06/06/2014 14:21

I have to say one year I was so fed up with people not responding that I sent out a note to all invitees saying that unless I had a response I would have to cancel the party...that worked!

TimeForAnotherNameChange · 06/06/2014 14:21

I always put RSVP by X DATE PLEASE in capital letters with a big handrawn smiley face and my mobile number, and that seems to get replies in. I also try and catch notorious slow responders at least a fortnight before the party, and again at a week before, and if I can't find them, I'll try and get a mobile number from a mutual friend and text a quick "I assume X not coming to the party?" And then cross them off. I've never had anyone turn up that hasn't replied but I'd have no qualms in turning them away or making the adult pay up on the spot.

Floggingmolly · 06/06/2014 14:22

It's as rude as be damned; but it happens, unfortunately. Every bloody time.

Myfanwyprice · 06/06/2014 14:23

This drives me nuts, it's ds's party tomorrow and out of the 8 children he invited from school only half have replied - da tells me they're all coming, but we'll see!

Sianilaa · 06/06/2014 14:23

YANBU, this drives me up the wall!

Original poster
Perplexing · 06/06/2014 14:23

My main worry is people will just turn up (having not replied) and I haven't included them in my numbers (so haven't paid for them) - that would be very awkward.

OP posts:
Original poster
Perplexing · 06/06/2014 14:25

Myfanwy - that's terrible! Hope it's not a 'pay per numbers party'?

Sounds like I am not the only one with the problem (which is kind of reassuring, though still annoying).

OP posts:
LittleprincessinGOLDrocks · 06/06/2014 14:26

The last party DD attended I RSVP'd the day she got the invite.
When we turned up to the party the room was full of children, on chatting to the birthday girls mum she said "Thank you for the RSVP, you were the only person to RSVP! Everyone one invited has turned up, and some have brought siblings. We were expecting just your DD and maybe one or 2 others!"
I was so shocked that the other parents hadn't bothered to RSVP, the mum had provided a landline, mobile, email address, and home address. She is also at school every day so you could have told her person easily (I hate ringing people so I sent a polite text). The invites even had an RSVP strip you could fill in and hand to the birthday girl.

I think some people leave it and wait and see if anything better comes up. So far we have only had family parties (lots of cousins all in the same age group who are very close and friendly so have a room full just there!) so I get cheeky if they haven't RSVP'd and demand to know a week in advance of the party.
This year DD wants friends from school, so I have the lack of RSVPs to look forward to.

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks · 06/06/2014 14:28

*everyone we invited not everyone one

Original poster
Perplexing · 06/06/2014 14:28

Little princess Shock that's not on.

Take the parent I saw this morning, I had to make a point of asking her. You would think people would think 'of there's so and so's mum, I'd better let her know about the party...' but she made no attempt .... I had to make a point of asking about it.

OP posts:
WonderingAllowed · 06/06/2014 14:30

I have had this several times not so much with having to have numbers but not having enough bloody party bags!

I have paid extra on the day for extra attendees on one occasion.

People are rude, or forgetful! Maybe the parent who just said 'oh yes' was embarrassed that she had not replied. I would chase invitees personally if I needed numbers taking into account that other people don't have as good manners as me!

tilliebob · 06/06/2014 14:32

I feel your pain OP, we have a 6th birthday next Friday and I resorted to fecking Facebook to prompt folk to tell me if their ruddy kids were coming.

I always RSVP to invites, usually as soon as I get them, and with 3 dcs everything has to go on the calendar immediately or we've no chance of remembering!

Original poster
Perplexing · 06/06/2014 14:33

Oh yes - the party bags!

Anyone have any good ideas for flexible parties (i.e. can cater for gatecrashers) for 7/ 8 year old DCs which are not number dependent (for future reference)?

OP posts:
Original poster
Perplexing · 06/06/2014 14:34

tillie bob - FB a good idea - I could prob track down most people through that! Name & shame!

OP posts:
Canus · 06/06/2014 14:35

I've had parents RSVP in writing (to be fair there was a tear off bit on the invitation, but I assumed they'd text).

I discovered that when I emptied my son's school bag at the end of term. Proper facepalm moment, and I was glad I was not raging at parents who had replied though I was none the wiser. Grin

I am very lax with school bag emptying though I must admit.

Myfanwyprice · 06/06/2014 14:37

Luckily not a pay per head party tomorrow, just hope I've got enough food and party bags!

ShineSmile · 06/06/2014 14:46

I don't know if it's a cultural thing but it wasn't until I started reading MN that I truly understood what RSVP meant. I didn't know it meant you had to reply to confirm Shock

tobiasfunke · 06/06/2014 14:49

Last year 25 invites went out. I got 6 replies and ended up with 15 attendees. Some parents just turned up and some texted me the day before. I had a party bag nightmare. I'm thinking of not bothering with a party this year it pisses me off so much. It is so stressful. Yet the same lax parents were moaning about others when it was their kids party.