To assume that RSVP on child's party invite means I will (should) receive a reply?

[Perplexing]

I have issued invitations for DS' birthday party.

Out of 12 I have heard from 2 people.

I need to confirm numbers as it's being held at a place where you pay per child and I don't want to pay up front for 12 if only 10 turn up.

I saw a parent this morning and casually said 'Can x and y come to z's party..?' and she said 'Oh yes' in a tone of voice which seemed to suggest it was obvious. Am I supposed to be a mind reader ?

I feel a bit silly having to chase people up, but I will need to know sooner or later.

And what if people don't reply and then turn up on the day and I haven't 'paid' for them?

Help dear MNers with more experience of children's parties...

I've invited eight, had 2 not RSVP. They're both mums who wrote RSVP in their own kids' party invites, so I know they know what this means. Last year, they did the same thing - one turned up, one didn't.

It's bloody rude.

Try working in a school office, having to chase all the parents who don't send in reply slips. Our secretary spends hours printing off second, third and sometimes more copies of letters, sending texts, emails, making personal phone calls. And it's not because of money - the repeat offenders can clearly afford it. It's such a waste of office time.

It is the height of rudeness. The only time I haven't replied is when I have found the invite in DD's bag during the school hols weeks after the event. And then I send a grovelling apology.

Timeforachange You have completely ignored or misunderstood my entire post! I explained in detail why there are many good reasons why people may not have the "common decency" to reply. The point about people being precious concerns this need for endless hand-wringing about rude parents (who quite often aren't being intentionally rude) not replying where anyone with an ounce of common sense would just get on and chase people up. If you are organising and paying for a party, why on earth wouldn't you just chase people up?

I chased up a mum who I thought hadn't replied only to find she thought she had but it turned out she'd texted the wrong number. It happens.

Don't any of you become Brownie leaders, will you! You wouldn't believe the amount of chasing up for consent forms, subs money, health forms, and badge work you would have to do. Imagine dealing with your party invite problems every week rather than once a year. And you don't even get a piece of birthday cake at the end of it.

I had this too, I saw one mum, about 5 weeks and one reminder after the invite, I mentioned it was a very very small party and it would be great to know if her dd could come, she said she would get back to me....a few weeks later and two reminders, and another long wait and she said NO.

I find it breath taking i really do, we all forget and so on ( actually I dont think I have I usually respond the day or two days after the invite so I dont forget) but really.....due to summer hols there was 8 weeks after invite sent, then a reminder....I saw her spoke to her, nothing then another few reminders!

I can barely bring myself to say hello after it.

permanently I did a shit load of chasing only 8 mums for my dds party, it was ridiuclous.

I also stressed it was a small party of only 8, so they knew how imp no were too.

I got 5 replies out of inviting 40!!! Party is tomorrow at home and I still don't know how many are coming! I've bought in extra just in case and I do hope a few more come, I'll be gutted for DS1 if they don't. So far it's our neighbour and a friend, no one at all from school or after school club.

I could have easily written the op myself

3 weeks ago I sent out 16 invites for dd's birthday party, today was the date I put on the invite for RSVP, I've only had 5 back. I need to confirm numbers with the venue this coming week (I have to pay for a minimum of 10 anyway). I'm so worried now that if people turn up despite having not rsvp'd that I may have to turn people away. Ok so I have 4 spare spaces which is good, but if all who were invited now turn up, at £10 per head my purse will be doomed

I feel like I live in a parallel universe!

When I send out party invites I make a list of who has been invited. As they reply I tick them off the list. The ones that haven't replied I ask as and when I see them. If I don't know or don't see the parents, I get the DC to tell their friends to tell their parents to reply. I don't wait until the last day. "Oh, hello little Johnny's mum, did little Johnny get his invite to little Permanent's party?" is a perfectly reasonable conversation opener even if the invites were only handed out the day before. Don't stand on ceremony - it's your blood pressure that's suffering, not theirs!

Always give an RSVP date with at least a week to spare before you actually need to confirm numbers. Never give out party invites more than 3 weeks before the party. Never give out the party invites with an RSVP date more than 2 weeks away. Personally I'd give them a week, it concentrates the mind.

If you send invites out too far in advance people will think they have plenty of time to reply. That's when invites then get put with a pile of other stuff in the kitchen and get forgotten. It is fine to tell best friends to save the date before handing out invites though.

- Maybe the parents haven't got the invite yet. It could be left in a school drawer.

This has happened to me! DC1's school don't send school bags home at the weekend. One week she had been off sick so the schoolbag was still at home. I took the chance to clear it out and found a party invite from weeks before

My DD's birthday is in the summer hols. I learnt the hard way when out of 12 definite yeses, only 3 turned up, the rest 'forgot'

Now we send out invites and a little note. People need to text an RSVP so I have contact details. I then send a reminder test the week before and ask parents to let us know if they can't make so my DD can invite friends she didn't have space for before. It works well.

I found that although at reception age children take invitations home straight away, when they are slightly older (age 7, 8) many children leave them in their drawer at school and their parents don't know anything about the party. I would get to your ds to hassle the children to reply and then contact any remaining parents.

Its so sad isn't it I just think for a small child to have no one turn up to their party is awful, so horrid, why cant people just respond?

its children we are talking about here?

Maybe we just have a really bad lot at our school....I sent out so many reminders and explained it was a small party.

It ruined the whole excitment of the party, the stress. In the end only two didnt come but still....

Sorry, but from experience you'll have to chase people up/ ask individually if their child can make it!
Also we stopped doing ask everyone in the class parties and went to asking children only where I had some contact with the parents, either after school in the playground, or had their phone number usually from a reciprocal past party. Possibly an occasional exception for a new best friend or two.

I did send out the invites a month before that date of the party, with a RSVP 2 weeks before. We don't have any contact numbers etc... for parents in the class. I don't get to meet other parents either, we mostly all work, and drop off and pickup is very regimented and done in car lines. There is no opportunity to chase up.

As it happens out of 40 invites, we had the neighbour come over with their 2 DC and a friend we used to work with in another country with their 3 DC. Not a single child from school or after school club. That night DS1 asked me why other children did not come. I had to say that perhaps they were busy and had plans already, or their parents couldn't drive them to our home or they were too fucking rude to bother It is heartbreaking! Funnily, DH took DS1 to a party of a school mate and HE was the only one that went. The mother was put out about the turnout. I'd have thought at least that mother would have responded.

I was very nervous about doing this as it was, as we're newish in town and didn't know anybody. When we didn't have RSVPs, I just had to carry on in case people showed up. I decorated, I bought some games for them to do, I'd painted something that the DC could decorate and take home with them, we had a pinata stuffed with sweets and bought enough food in for at least 30 people, 'just in case'. We'll be eating sliders for the next week!