To think not being able to drive puts you at a disadvantage?

[Sparklingbrook]

Just been chatting to a friend. Her daughter is 17 and although they can afford for her to have lessons, and she is able to she isn't going to bother learning to drive.

I was thinking about all the things I wouldn't have been able to do if I couldn't drive. For a start DS1 wouldn't be at the school he is, and the jobs I had I couldn't have got to by public transport.

I know she could learn in the future but surely it's easier to do it when young and a bit fearless?

I know it's none of my business too, but I hope my two DSs will be able to learn when the time comes.

Almost all the people i know of my age group who can drive were helped by their parents - bought lessons and parents let them practice in the car. All the ones who cant drive never had that. I started learning when i was 17, my parents bought me about 5 lessons for my birthday (about £100) and then i paid for one a week (£20) out of my saturday job. I was doing this for over a year. But what i really needed was more than one hour a week practice. My parents would never let me in their car, even when i offered to save and pay for my insurance. Dad said if i pranged it getting it fixed would be too much hassle.

Now i'm having 30 lessons over the next 2 weeks!

It is essential life skill in today's world . Both my sons learned to drive at age 18 with money shared between us and their part time jobs.
Agree the other life skills are swimming and being able to ride a bike.

Apart from work these skills are so lovely to have for pure enjoyment and family time . A must .
I cannot swim.ride a bike or drive although hold a licence and made damn sure my sons could . I have tried in later life to attain these skills but due to illness have never adequately achieved them and it makes you feel shit.
Left out and self esteem in your boots .
But guess your adult child needs to want to do it . Self confidence is maybe needing nurturing in those reluctant .

My DP can drive but chooses not to. Which puts ME at a disadvantage!

He is more happy getting public transport (and cadging lifts from me!) and just prefers it that way. It has never really posed him or us any major problems (as if, for example we want to go out for a drink, we would both want to drink anyway so would get a taxi)

Until now.....

I'm 32 weeks pregnant and there needs to come a time when he takes over the driving and needs to be able to take me to the hospital/get back from work in a hurry.

As I said, he can drive, and he's on my insurance so we are lucky that we don't need to sort all that out, but he hasn't driven in so long he's lost confidence and keeps putting off getting back behind the wheel. I need to take him out a few times to get used to it before my due date comes!

But if he never had a licence, it would be a major issue. How do partners get their pregnant other halves to the hospital without a car? And he where he works the buses only come back once an hour. It would be horrendous.

So, no yanbu to think not being able to drive is a disadvantage. (If that was your aibu? Sorry I've rambled on a bit and forgotten your original question )

Would a taxi be a possibility Eminybob? I'm just thinking that if your DP is a nervous driver anyway he may not be the best person to rely upon to get you to hospital in a stressful situation such as imminent birth!

I took taxis to hospital for both of my births. I felt more relaxed knowing that a London cabbie would know the shortcuts to get us there safely and quickly, and DH had his hands free for me to crush squeeze during contractions.

Yanbu in the extreme. At 17 your brain is young and receptive and you can really concentrate on learning. I was too fucking stupid/broke to learn till my 30s and it's a fucking nightmare. I've failed seven times now and find the lessons a nightmare. My brain is too old and knackered to learn new things and it's too full of other stuff (p/t work in crazy competitive industry, toddler to look after, home to run and now new baby on the way). I hate, hate, hate not being able to drive. I feel trapped since we moved to our more suburban neighbourhood, and dread ds and the new dc getting older and desperately needing lifts to hobbies, friends houses etc. it has limited my career options and now it's even affecting our options in terms of what school/preschool the dc will be able to go to. (Ie cos I can't drive them they'll have to go to the crap school that's within walking distance of us).
To be honest - and I really don't want to offend anyone but understand why this might - not being able to drive is affecting me so badly that I think it might be triggering mild depression. It just makes me feel massively shitty about myself really.

I think it depends where you live. I'm in a rural area so it would be a great disadvantage if I couldn't drive, but if you live in a city it wouldn't be so bad.

I definitely think it's easier to do when you're young. My son passed his test 3 years ago but has never driven since as he's now at uni in a city.

Eminy - my dh was very similar, hadn't driven in 17 years and was petrified of it - but had a license. When I was about 35 weeks pregnant with ds he had some refresher lessons with a local instructor and was just about ready for driving me in when I went into labour. (My df had offered to drive me but I really really wanted it to be dh). In the event he stalled about three times and was shitting himself most of the way there but funnily enough being in labour I wasn't aware of any of that!

I honestly don't think I would learn to drive now. The wrong side of 40, and seemingly I pushed out all my confidence along with 2 babies- I would be a wreck.

I don't drive and I am at a disadvantage. I rely on a lift to work (pay for fuel) and rely on DH for any longer than walking journeys.

I have a licence but haven't driven since the 90's. I am a shit driver who detests every second through fear and anxiety. An accident waiting to happen. There are some people who aren't meant to drive and I'm definitely one of them.

A taxi would be an option, hopefully I'll get him confident behind the wheel for when the time comes though.

Plus it'll be handy for him to be driving when the baby comes especially if I need to have a cs or just for popping out to pick up bits and bobs.

My dad has never learnt to drive (except for a scooter) and he was a self employed painter and decorator before he retired! He used to get my DstepM to drive his paints and ladders etc to the job!!

Really. A disadvantage?

I'm over 50 and haven't driven for 30 years.

Just thinking of all the disadvantages.......

No costs of maintaining a car. Never having t wash/clean a car. No chance of killing anyone. No stress driving in traffic or stuck in traffic jams. Work from home. Can have an alcoholic beverage or maybe two whenever I want.

I quite like the not killing anyone bit Man, the rest does not outweigh the pros of driving for me I am afraid.

Why did you stop?

Yanbu. It's a logical conclusion to make. I can't drive & can't afford to learn anytime soon. I'm 30 & it affects my life everyday. I wish I'd learned when I was young without dc. I will make sure my dc learn as soon as they're eligible to do so.

Like a lot of people on this thread. Absolutely hated it. In fact utterly petrified. Lived in London 13 years and never needed to anyway. I have driven a total of about 20 hours in a car since I took my test. I gave my licence back to DVLA in the end.

A bloke who cant drive? Don't know how he ever he found a girlfriend? Luckily I found DW at university when we were too poor to have cars and DW still cant drive either.

Lesleythegiraffe - I suspect your son may go the same route as me as he clearly sees no reason to drive.

I designed my life around not driving. Indeed when I get to old age and my friends suddenly find themselves unable to drive and isolated that will be a situation I will never face.

I'm 26 and I can't drive. I had a few lessons when I was 17 and it was awful. I was absolutely terrible and nervous and panicky. I was paying for them myself and when I left my job I stopped. Once I got a new job a few months later I never bothered rebooking them again and 9 years later I still haven't had anymore lessons!

DP drives so when he's on his days off it's easy for us to just jump in the car and drive into town or to friends' houses. I use public transport and walk when he's at work which means I'm limited in where I can go/what I can do. We're only a 10 min walk from the train station so it's fine getting to town but I can't take DS to soft play or go to friend's houses because they live too far away and it would require several trains. So I usually meet them in town or one of my friends will pick me up. If I could drive and afford a car of my own I'd be able to visit my parents, which currently takes two buses so I rely on them visiting us or coming to collect me if DP is at work. I'd be able to drive to my friends', visit relatives, get to town while DS is at nursery where as at the moment I'd never be able to get a train there and back in time as well as actually shop!

We live a 10 min walk from the local school. I am hoping and keeping everything crossed DS gets a place. Otherwise the next school is in a neighbouring village with hourly buses.

It's a PITA not driving sometimes but even if I could we could never afford a second car and DP needs one for work.

I've driven since I was 17, haven't always needed a car (lived in London for a bit) but it's always been useful. Couldn't be without my car now for nursery runs, shopping, visiting family, friends etc.

My OH can't drive and it's a pain in the arse. I have to do all of the running about, which wasn't much fun when I had hyperemesis, when I was overdue and in the first few days after birth! It also means I'm designated driver all the time, which doesn't bother me while I'm breastfeeding but when I stop it'll still have to be me. Meh.. I'm buying him a crash course for Christmas this year.

I am glad I never bothered to learn, live in London, don't need to, hated the thought of learning. Never felt at disadvantage. Though my DH drives so I think it is good if you have a partner or relative who does.

I can drive, but don't drive at the moment for a medical reason that friends don't know about. I bet they think I'm just stupid for not doing it but actually there's more to it than that.

It is definitely less convenient, but it's not actually as much less convenient as I think a lot of car drivers think. My driving friends are quick to drive and to kindly offer lifts for what seem to me pretty short walks, like someone else said 10-15 minute walks seem to trigger them reaching for the car, whereas I'm used to walking for longer routinely so don't mind that at all. I'm grateful for the offered lifts of course just a bit surprised sometimes.

Maybe it's a case of what you've never had, you don't miss, for some. Plus, where you live and good public transport play their part. I learn at thirty, because I had to access work. I am so glad I did as I love the freedom and independence it has enabled. Although I live I. A smallish village

Postus interruptus!
I live in a small village which has a railway station, on the Cotswold Line, and a good bus service, which is why I was happy to retire here. One day I will have to give up my car.

Driving is a useful life skill and the earlier you learn, the easier it is.

Where we are now there is one bus an hour into town, but the service stops at 7.30, very restrictive.

The DCs walk to and from school, and we car share for as many of their clubs as possible, so it doesn't always mean an extra car on the road, it just means that we can benefit from lifts and still pull our weight.

YANBU OP, not being able to drive is a big disadvantage.

It's obviously not impossible to live without a car. I didn't learn to drive until I was 24 and I can remember hauling 6ft long bits of wood back from B&Q etc which was a pain but not impossible, although I only rented and didn't own a house then. But how do the posters cope with the everyday disasters without a car? Or heavyweight shopping - like DIY, gardening stuff etc? Do you try to do it online mostly? Restrict where you buy from or call in a favour from a driving friend?

I remember moving myself about via public transport was manageable although sometimes it took forever but it's the logistics of moving "stuff" around that I would now really miss without a car or access to a car.