To think not being able to drive puts you at a disadvantage?

[Sparklingbrook]

Just been chatting to a friend. Her daughter is 17 and although they can afford for her to have lessons, and she is able to she isn't going to bother learning to drive.

I was thinking about all the things I wouldn't have been able to do if I couldn't drive. For a start DS1 wouldn't be at the school he is, and the jobs I had I couldn't have got to by public transport.

I know she could learn in the future but surely it's easier to do it when young and a bit fearless?

I know it's none of my business too, but I hope my two DSs will be able to learn when the time comes.

A car is a dangerous weapon and as such, only a mature, responsible adult should be in charge of one.
OP, your friend is allowing her daughter to take the lead on the decision of whether to drive or not, I.e., allowing her to take the decision as an adult. If she pressured her into it, would that mean she believes her daughter responsible enough to drive but not responsible enough to make her own choices?
Maybe your friend feels 17 is a bit young to be behind the wheel of a car - certainly my dad impressed on us that driving a car is a huge responsibility. It's one of the few times in your life when your choices can directly impact whether someone else lives or dies. Your comment about 'a bit fearless' terrifies me. I grew up in the countryside and knew more than one carload of teenagers injured or killed by dangerous driving on country roads. It's absolutely something that should wait until you feel mature enough, 17 isn't the target age to learn it's the absolute minimum. She can always learn in a few years if she suddenly it decides it is a big deal for her.

I dont drive for a variety f reason s mainly its fine but we did get dd driving lessons means she cold get to her work he finihes at 10 some nights she was getng 2 trains to college and now she is here there and everywhere with her freelance job so driving isnt essential its valuable skll to haveI

Typos sorry

Not at all Pomerl, my friend has an older son who learnt to drive at 17, which is why I asked as I had assumed her DD would want to do the same, more out of fairness IYSWIM.

I get the impression that her DD just isn't very bothered TBH.

I think a lot of it depends where you live. For example I have a friend who lives in central London and car ownership would be a complete waste of money for her as it's quicker, cheaper and easier for her to use tubes, buses, and so forth to commute to work etc. However, I live in rural Sussex and not being able to drive would be a nightmare. There's no train station in my town and the local buses only go to the next big town along. I rely on my car for work, seeing family, shopping, everything really; so yes, not being able to drive for me would be a major disadvantage.

However, I didn't learn when I was 17 (and was in my early 20's when I did eventually learn) as I didn't really need a car at 17 as all my friends lived locally and I was going to a local college. Also no way would I have been able to afford driving lessons at 17, let alone a car, MOTs / repairs, and car insurance (apparently insurance at 17 on a newly passed driving license is now nearly £2000 a year)! Also I have to say there are definitely some immature 17 year olds out there (not all obviously) who I really wouldn't like to see on the roads. Cars can be dangerous things in the wrong hands.

I have a friend who is lovely in many ways but has never made any effort to learn to drive but seems to rely on other people constantly to give her lifts (which does get annoying if I'm honest, especially as she never offers petrol money). I don't really think she has any idea how much running a car costs.

In rural areas where public transport can't get you to the nearest town before 9am and the last bus back is 5:20pm, there are not any real viable options other than driving. Cycling along a main A class road with plenty of hills and no footpath and no street lighting is a much bigger worry than letting a 17 year old DC drive a car imo.

Dd2 will be 17 next year she said she isnt fussed about driving

Are you going to try and persuade her why it may be a good thing Mrsjayy?

Mind you trying to tell a teen about something that may benefit them any later on in life than in the next 5 minutes is futile in our house.

I would nt rely on others to give me lifts dds friends mum always does she once arranged a party for her dd miles away and then asked us for a lift to it cheeky moo

The main only reason I will start learning to drive this year is to survive the zombie apocalypse take the children to see family who live 3hrs away by train.

I am starting to get stabby when I use public transport now.
So really it's learn to drive or inevitably end up in prison!

Imight she has aco ordination disorder and I think shes a bit wary but the driving instructer dd1 had was lovely so I said we would get her again, I will see

yes it does I need to drive, independence!!

I passed my test at age 23, when I was pregnant with ds2.

I never used to think not driving was inconvenient at all...but there are a lot of things that you just don't realise until you do drive.

It just gives you so much freedom. No need to think about bus times, how close you can get somewhere on the bus, leaving home X amount earlier to walk the bit at the end, being careful with what bags you take or what you buy shopping as you have to get it on the bus. No inconsiderate wankers sitting in the accessible areas on the bus meaning you have to juggle a screaming baby, folding the pram and shopping bags whilst people give you the evil eye.

We've driven to Disneyland (a holiday we'd not have been able to afford otherwise as driving was so much cheaper) and regularly go camping or glamping to the lake district - a 5 hour drive so not something we could do on a bus/train with all the equipment (well maybe we could manage for glamping, but not when we need to take the tent too).

I will be encouraging ds's to drive as soon as they are old enough.

I think learning to drive is very different from the 80s now. I know a 17 year old girl who is learning and finding it a struggle.

I didn't do a theory test or parallel parking, and none of this 'free driving' malarkey.

My Mum took her test in 1958 and is still driving now, so much has changed.

We live in the country, so driving is a pretty essential life skill. My oldest is getting a car & lessons at 17, whether she wants them or not.

It is my DH who feels strongest about this - he doesn't want her accepting lifts from stupid young male drivers, he wants her to be able to get herself home safely.

I wish my parents had given that much of a shit about me. I learned to drive age 24 when I met my DH - he helped with the practice between sessions.

For me it is a part of being independent - although I do get a bit ticked off ending up being a taxi for the weak and needy women in my family (and it is always women, sadly) who have a millions reasons not to drive - can't cope with the heavy traffic, nervous on motorways.... etc. Sheesh.

Yanbu. I didn't learn to drive until I was 33, wish I had done it much earlier (but was put off due to a friend dying in a horrible accident when we were 19)

Not driving limits your choices in so many ways

I think it depends on where you live as to how much of a disadvantage it is.

I have a friend who likes to preach endlessly about car usage, but he lives in central London with a tube station on his door step, night busses and more local amenities than he can shake a stick at. He doesn't need a car

I live rurally with expensive and unrealiable public transport that ends at 8pm and nothing more than a little co-op within walking distance.

Just general stuff like going to the tip (in the middle of nowhere), taking the dog to the vet, taking DD2 to Brownies, DD's piano exam which was held in a church hall in the middle of nowhere, picking them up from their friends, would be nigh-on impossible without a car.

I did get the bus into my local town centre a few weeks ago. 20 minute walk to my nearest bus stop then £9 return. Nine fecking quid to go into town and back!

DH and I have agreed that we will be paying for our daughters to learn to drive when they're old enough

I didn't learn to drive when I was 17 because I planned to move to London for university, and I knew that it wasn't going to be necessary. I'm now in my thirties and I'm about to start lessons as we hope to move out of London in the next few years. If you don't plan to start driving regularly after passing your test (and if she's going to university she may not need to or be able to afford to) then the age at which you passed doesn't really matter - it's about using the skills regularly rather than being rusty.

I am 33 and can't drive. I did have 10 lessons my parents bought me when I was 17 but I couldn't afford to carry on with them to pass my test. My parents certainly didn't encourage me to drive then, although now they tell me I was daft to stop learning.
It has only really bothered me since I had DC3 and DC4. Taking 4 DC including two in a double buggy on public transport is a PITA.
I am saving for lessons but even if I do pass I don't think we could afford to run another car. DH's car is a company car, and I can't drive that so it does seem a bit pointless.
It will be the same for DD in a couple of years no doubt. We can pay for her to have lessons but we are not able to buy and run a car for her.

it's a god skill to have.
atm I don't drive much, but live in a city with good public transport and good shopping opportunities a short walk away.
but it's great to hire a van if needed or drive to the sea.

it's amongst the top skills I insist my dc learn.
-swimming
-riding a bike
-driving

what they make of them when older is up to them, but I feel they would be deprived without.

I have whinged on MN many times about driving. I have been learning on and off for 18yrs, failed numerous times and just can't seem to get it. When i was young it didn't bother me in the slightest. I lived in London. None of my friends drove or could afford cars. My parents never gave me a lift anywhere, to or from parties etc because it would have inconvenienced them and their lifestyle. So i got everywhere on my own steam. i love a train journey to snooze and read and walked a lot.

However, now we have moved outside London and i have DC and all the jobs in my field ask for a driving license it's very different. It is such a hindrance. Also it is really expensive when you have little disposable income.

I am now learning in an automatic and have just got out £700 today to pay for lessons up to my test on 20th June. My second baby is due in Sept and i am so very desperate to pass.

The other problem tho, is that i have realised i hate it so much that there is no way that i would ever drive on a motorway or do over 60mph and do local journeys. I am so frightened and i think i am probably dangerous because of it :(

I'm glad I passed my driving test when I did (just before my 18th birthday) - as I pointed out to my partner who passed last year at the grand old age of 33, the best time to learn is before you need to, not when you go "shit, could really do with being able to drive now".

We do live in a large city with fairly good transport links (not as good as London, but still) but it's just useful to have the option. And I'd hate to have to rely on someone else to do the shopping or whatever.

YABU I am 47 and have never driven, even lived in the stix for 12 years and it has never disadvantaged me.
Being able to drive is an advantage, but likewise not being able to drive is not a disadvantage.

Not even WRT getting a job more? It's a disadvantage to only be able to look at jobs that don't need you to be able to drive surely?