AIBU: Adult daughter wasting her life away.

[Cecelilia]

Just had yet another frustrating conversation with my adult daughter. Daughter is 40 years old and is extremely successful in her career, but her work is her life. She has never been married, only once introduced me to a boyfriend, and she doesn't want children.

When she was in her 20's she was adamant she didn't want children or marriage but I gathered she'd grow out of that and change her mind. I talked to her a little then bout kids and how prioritys change over life and didn't push kids down her throat or mention it much, but now she's 40 she's running out of time stand shows no sign of changing,

I'm just sad for her. A good careers only part of a life, and even if she thinks she's happy I think she'll turn around someday and see all everything she missed out on by not having a family. The more time she spends alone the higher the chance she'll always be alone. But every time I say we need to have a talk about life, kids wtc she shuts me down.

AIBU to have these convos with her and expect her to at least engage with me and think about her decisions properly? Should I just sit back and watch her waste her life away on something that never will give back the love and care she puts towards it (work) ?

My nan is 89 and she thinks it's wonderful that girls ( as she calls anyone under 60!) these days can support themselves, and don't have to get married. She envied that I had my own home, a great job and travelled the world. When I had a baby at 38 I think she felt disappointed ha ha in a nice way

I think the unspoken thing here is that your mum is terrified your sister is gay?!

i think the op needs to let her daughter get on with it.

we don't all have the opportunities in life that we'd want. a friend of mine didn't meet her husband (or anyone suitable) until she was in her forties, and consequently has not had children. she would have loved to have been a mum. to the outside world she's someone who is completely focused on her career. and of course many other women genuinely do not want family responsibilities.

I wonder what your second post would have been if the replies were different, if posters have said that yes she is wasting her life. Are you sure that you dont feel this way and a bit pleased with what your mum thinks?

No wonder your sister won't engage with her.

She sounds awful

Dreadful way to carry on.

annieincognito Agree.

latara I think subconsciously most adults in their most fertile years look for 'the One' to be with, be it for a short while or be it forever, and we make choices to follow that "need" or ignore it. Sadly many women I know admit to forsaking relationships in order to prioritize their careers and thus reject the advances of prospective partners. A few get to their 50s and even lament how they "missed a good one" and then tell how he is married with children etc etc. What I am saying is that we are all makers of our own destiny and consequence is no coincidence

Noone actually tries to sit their successful, 40 year old daughter down to discuss their percieved failures. Do they??

You've clearly not met my mother have you?

But, TeaAddict, the OP's sister isn't lamenting her lack of children and marriage. Her mother is though.

Gobsmacked.

If Mr. Kipling was here, he'd call you exceedingly unreasonable.

I have never wanted kids, and comments along the lines that I am wasting my life without them piss me right off.

YABU ... I think my parents have thought the same thing and it's because I haven't focused on my career to the extent they think I ought to. As long as she is happy with it and not relying on others, she's done well!! Children don't always give back the love and care you've put into them, careers frequently do.

Shes abig girl. So what, she does'nt want kids? Goid for her.

What is the point of these threads? If you are going to post a thread asking whether your mum is BU with your sister THEN ASK THAT! Don't pretend to be your mum. Fucking bonkers

YY

I wonder what your second post would have been if the replies were different, if posters have said that yes she is wasting her life. Are you sure that you dont feel this way and a bit pleased with what your mum thinks?

Nope. I only have my own kids because thats just how things ended up turning out -- DH really wanted them, I was OK with having them, but it wasn't something I always saw in my life by any means and could of easily been my sister.

I did it reverse because I wanted to see how it sounded from the person saying it but i see how it wouldve been just fine to do from my own perspective. NEver mind. It's been helpful to hear that mine and my sisters opinions on this are supported.

I thoght this was a reverse or my mother

No wonder your sister doesn't talk to her mother., I'm afraid your mother sounds like a horrible, narrow-minded person. Women do a lot more than have babies.Your mother's probably jelous.

But you don't know what your mum is thinking so why pretend to be her?

Your mum sounds well meaning if a bit old fashioned and you sound like a supportive sister. Your mum brought up two confident, intelligent and loving women who support each other so she did a pretty good job. You may just have to make allowances for her and hopefully she won't get so full on that it causes rows.