AIBU: Adult daughter wasting her life away.

[Cecelilia]

Just had yet another frustrating conversation with my adult daughter. Daughter is 40 years old and is extremely successful in her career, but her work is her life. She has never been married, only once introduced me to a boyfriend, and she doesn't want children.

When she was in her 20's she was adamant she didn't want children or marriage but I gathered she'd grow out of that and change her mind. I talked to her a little then bout kids and how prioritys change over life and didn't push kids down her throat or mention it much, but now she's 40 she's running out of time stand shows no sign of changing,

I'm just sad for her. A good careers only part of a life, and even if she thinks she's happy I think she'll turn around someday and see all everything she missed out on by not having a family. The more time she spends alone the higher the chance she'll always be alone. But every time I say we need to have a talk about life, kids wtc she shuts me down.

AIBU to have these convos with her and expect her to at least engage with me and think about her decisions properly? Should I just sit back and watch her waste her life away on something that never will give back the love and care she puts towards it (work) ?

What's the bloody point of reverse aibu's? .

Oh don't be so po paced. I rather like a good reverse aibu!

Im just wonder ing why people do them thats all

I wonder why people do them. Is there a point? I thought it was. There is something about them that gives you a clue more often than not.

I loathe reverses and automatically feel disinclined to agree with the POV of the reversee, regardless of how outrageous the other party may be.

For that reason, GO TEAM MUM!!!

Hope you stand up for your DSis. It is her life not DM's!

Your mother sounds awful.

My dd is 19. She says she doesn't want to have kids or get married. She's very much got her head screwed on regarding this and I honestly don't think she's going to change her mind over time. And good for her knowing what she wants from life.

My ds is severely disabled and is never going to furnish me with grandchildren either.

I do not care. So long as they are living happy and fulfilled lives, that is what matters.

What does your sister say when your mother comes out with this crap?

Come on OP, get your mum on here. We'll talk some sense into her.

Maybe you need to talk to your mother privately and explain to her why she needs to stop this. I want the best for my children but am aware that I might not always know what is best from their point of view.

If you tell her that both you and your sister are happy with her choices and find your mum's comments upsetting she may back off.

You, or someone, needs to tell your mum to back off.

I have the exact same problem with my mum but for different reasons. Funnily enough, YOUR mum would probably be quite impressed with me as I have a good job, children, husband and a pet! But for MY mum that's not enough. I'm not slim. I'm not into shopping dates or having girly chats with her over a bottle of wine "like other daughters do". I don't think the crappy racist jokes she sends me by text are funny. Nearly every choice I make is wrong because it's not what SHE would choose.

The upshot of her constant judging is that seeing her is a chore. I never phone her for "a chat". We're both missing out because she cannot accept we are very different people and will not stop trying to mould me. My husband's mum is very different to me as well, but she has never once made me feel anything other than a wonderful wife for her son.

She needs to back off... some people are just control freaks and can't help themselves. If you don't want the same as then you must be wrong or strange. Yet no one is having a go at them because of their life choices... she needs to back off and be happy her children are happy!!

its a reverse, that explains it. When I opened thread I assume it was about drugs . Your poor sister, but not for not having kids (there are days I would happily swap). The criticism must be really hard

Both my parents are like this - critical, judgemental, nagging, unable to hear me or respect me enough to make my own decisions. As a result, I barely have a relationship with them any more. Knowing that your parents want you to be a different person, see you as a failure in many ways, and cannot see you as a separate person from them is something so painful that I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I feel so sad for your sister.

Do you think there is any chance that your mother would listen to you, if you explained how painful all this criticism is for your sister? I suspect I know the answer

Glad I got to the end before posting as I was about to ask if this was a reverse.

I guess people do reverse posts as it makes it makes the responses less personal if you don't like them. Like people in call centres not using their real first name so it isn't quite so personal when the customer is yelling down the phone at you.

I really was expecting to read that your daughter was a druggie with 16 kids, no job and poor hygiene.

Your definition of a 'wasted life' and mine differs greatly :D

(If by any remote chance one of you resembles my definition of a wasted life I apologise, just using it as an example of a potentially wasted life)

Bloody hell. Thought you were going to say she's on drugs.

She hadn't wasted her life she's made different life choices to you. Must be disappointing she won't give you grandchildren but cest la vie. You should be proud of her.

Bugger a reverse

YABU - I have never been married or had children and I am 43. I remember people thinking I would change my mind and it used to annoy me. I too am dedicated to my career. It doesn't make me unfulfilled.

Shit - just seen it's a reverse!

In which case YANBU!!

I don't think that you are being unreasonable OP, I think that you are actually thinking forward and of your daughter in the future: loneliness, childless, potential regret. Unfortunately it maybe too late now due to her age and her stubbornness to help her to see the future with wise eyes.

I am related to 4 women who are 45+, extremely successful and regret not considering a family earlier. They married late(!) in their 40s and a few of them rarely voice their fustrations. I think that you can only leave her unfortunately, she has to make her own decisions and live with the consequences.

Well I don't have kids OR a high flying career.

I'm bloody happy though - probably because I get so much lovely restful sleep!

TeaAddict you can't always help not marrying or having children earlier than 40 - I'm 37, not exactly a successful career woman and have tried to have relationships.

However due to illness and other problems I'm not married or have kids.
I'm sad about it but it's definitely not my fault.

Luckily my mum is happy as long as I'm happy, not like in this AIBU.

What is the point of these threads? If you are going to post a thread asking whether your mum is BU with your sister THEN ASK THAT! Don't pretend to be your mum. Fucking bonkers.