AIBU: Adult daughter wasting her life away.

[Cecelilia]

Just had yet another frustrating conversation with my adult daughter. Daughter is 40 years old and is extremely successful in her career, but her work is her life. She has never been married, only once introduced me to a boyfriend, and she doesn't want children.

When she was in her 20's she was adamant she didn't want children or marriage but I gathered she'd grow out of that and change her mind. I talked to her a little then bout kids and how prioritys change over life and didn't push kids down her throat or mention it much, but now she's 40 she's running out of time stand shows no sign of changing,

I'm just sad for her. A good careers only part of a life, and even if she thinks she's happy I think she'll turn around someday and see all everything she missed out on by not having a family. The more time she spends alone the higher the chance she'll always be alone. But every time I say we need to have a talk about life, kids wtc she shuts me down.

AIBU to have these convos with her and expect her to at least engage with me and think about her decisions properly? Should I just sit back and watch her waste her life away on something that never will give back the love and care she puts towards it (work) ?

You need to seriously adjust your boundary settings. You have no business being so critical of her life choices. They are NONE OF YOUR BLOODY BUSINESS.

How can you say she is "wasting her life away" when she has an uber-successful career?

is this a reverse?

YANBU to feel disappointed for yourself, but Yabu to keep bringing it up when she has made it clear that she doesn't want to talk about it.

Lord almighty, I thought you were going to say she is a heroin addict who snatches purses off old ladies on the street.

Thank heaven she's only working hard and fulfilling her desires in life.

I agree with everyone else.If you are actively judging her for lacking in some way,then she may well not be confiding in you. Just leave her alone. Be proud of who she is. Communicate that to her.

YABU. What a shame you see her life as a waste because she doesn't have kids.

Crikey I expected this to be about a daughter in their early twenties floundering or in bad company or something... Not a sorted 40-year-old with a great career who simply doesn't have a family or partner!

As gently as possible, I think YABU here, yes. She is way old enough to make her own choices and, frankly, you are way PAST the point where you need to step back and let her live her life. It's so damaging to feel you're a disappointment to your parents, especially for something you may not even be able to help.

I really would cease all those types of conversations if I were you and just be supportive.

I think i would feel the same as you, it must be frustrating that she doesn't take joy in the things you do but if she hasn't changed her mind in 20 years i would say she isn't going to & you need to respect that.

YABU. It's her life. Lots of people regret having children. Don't assume that your desires for your own life should be hers.

She is telling you who she is and what she wants, and has been telling you this for 20 years. Listen. It must hurt her deeply when you tell her that you're not happy with her choices or the path she has chosen for herself.

I understand you probably want grandchildren, and are hurt that she won't be giving you any. But it's her choice to make. Grieve for those grandchildren you won't have, move on, and love and support your DD for who she is.

You seriously pull her aside every so often for a "talk about life and kids"?? She doesn't want any. It's none of your business.
You're lucky to still have a relationship with her, tbh.

YABU. Her life, her choices.

If you were my mother (and I'm in a kind of similar situation to your daughter - no DC by choice but married) the words "fuck right off you interfering mare" would be used repeatedly. Maybe your daughter is nicer than me and just doesn't want to be so rude to her mum?

I was thinking the same thing willie it has to be a reverse. If not op how dare you criticise your dd just because you want grandchildren it's not her duty to provide you with them.

Leave her alone. She must dread meeting up with you criticising her life choices all the time.

Just leave her alone and love her for who she is.

I'm thinking this May be a reverse....

If not, yabu to an astonishing extent. Having children is not the only thing to give life meaning! Would you be saying this about your child if they were male? What about all of those of us who knew from a fairly young age we'd probably never naturally have children? What of those who miscarry or suffer stillbirth etc? Would we all just give up on life, clock out as we' ll never live properly?

Christ.

Do you have other children? Are you grieving for the grandchildren that you will never have? It sounds like you are the one with the problem rather than your daughter.

Also, i imagine its very hard for her to open up to you about her feelings if she feels you will strait away disagree with her. Your nagging her about children is only going to damage your relationship.

Also there are lots of other ways you can be fulfilled besides family OR career... Travel, hobbies, social clubs of all types, exercise, charity fundraising, music, religion, just to name a few off the top of my head. If anything, as a mum of a toddler I'm almost a bit jealous that probably has the time to work and do other stuff besides the domestic drudgery!
joking but only a bit

YABU.

Everyone above is right. Her life, her choices.

I understand that you are disappointed for yourself, but really you shouldn't be trying to push your views on your adult daughter.

Although I think you mean well YABU. She has a great career, if she doesn't want to get married or have kids then that is her prerogative. My DSis is the same-older than me (and your DD), only recently married but not having kids. They have a great life travelling, entertaining, living life! There are a lot of things you don't get to do once you have kids-and people no doubt look back and wish they had done those things. Is she an Auntie? Sometimes that is enough for people. Plus often the older you are having kids the harder it is to adjust to losing your independence. Although it saddens you I think you should resign yourself to the fact that she isn't going to be giving you any GKids.

Just in case you haven't quite realised yet.

YABU!

Yabvu.

Do you actually know why she doesn't want family and children and want to solely concentrate on her career?

Tbh, in 20 years time when dd is grown up I will not be surprised if she makes the same choices as yours. But that's just my pessimism on the chances of finding a mr. Right who is also decent and sweet to marry and have children with, and the state of this world and planet.....

YABU. She is not wasting her life. As other posters have pointed out, she has just made different choices to the ones you would have wished her to make.

We aren't all fulfilled by the same things. What's fulfilling to one person, is another person's idea of misery.

Some people do not have the drive or need to procreate. It's not reasonable or fair to have these conversations with her. Each time you do, you are reinforcing your belief that unless she makes the choices that are important to you and that you imagine she will regret, she is wasting her life. If she is healthy and happy and has a career she loves, then I would rejoice.

Just because she's your child, doesn't mean she's A child. She's 40, this is her choice.

I think this is a reverse. Noone actually tries to sit their successful, 40 year old daughter down to discuss their percieved failures. Do they??

If it isn't a reverse, Yabvvvvvvu. Its none of your business what she chooses to do with her life with regards to her personal situation. If she was asking you for drug money or prison visits then you may have a case to voice your obvious disappointment. You should be proud that she has made a success of herself.