Why are birthday cards and presents 'women's work'?

[Mosschopz]

MIL just says women are 'better' at that sort of thing than men but that's bullshit, no? How, when I work a 12 hour day 5 days a week plus weekends am I in any way 'better' that OH at putting a freaking stamp on a card? This kind of 1950's housewife crap rubs off on him and I get home to the question of why my BIL's and DN's cards haven't been posted yet. He ended up eating them...and I refuse to respond to any more of MIL's 'reminders'.

[ChipsAndEgg]

HazleNutt - you're probably correct, but why is it that only women are judged?

[craftycrafter]

I buy cards and remember dates for both sides of THE family, he buys pressies for his side and does the odd jobs for mine - my mum needed her gutters cleaning - which I guess would be my job, not his....... that MORE than outweighed me buying a card for his mum and reminding him to get her a present ....

give and take - when we married, his family became mine my family became his..... hence my side of the family and his side of the family ... not his family and my family... I find that weird....

[MrsKoala]

Depends on the family crafty. PILs didn't even come to our wedding and have always made it clear i am not part of their family. Not that there's much of a family - just DH and MIL and FIL. MIL and FIL just want DH and no one else. They barely tolerate me. I am most certainly not part of their family. There is just me and my M&D on my side too (we're both only children effectively) so it's not like a big family to join for either of us.

[HazleNutt]

chips because it's wifework. You can't expect men to remember such things, they are busy doing important stuff, you see.

[LemonSquares]

My IL don't see my as part of their family. DH is and my DC are but I'm tolerated – not my choice but there you are. They made it pretty clear with their actions but have gone as far as to state that to my face and to DH many times.

I've been with DH 19 years now. To be fair my parents can be pretty unenthusiastic about DH.

It's more surprising when I think about it that it every became my job to deal with his families birthdays/dates. I think reminders from his mother/ father were directed to me and DH must have copied reminding me and suddenly it was my job till I was treated so badly I finally though wtf and stopped.

[cheminotte]

Davsmum I get upset when they remember one and not the other. And its always the same one who gets forgotten. I also think cards are more important for kids generally especially with numbers on. I also think birthdays are more of a big deal for kids than adults.

[PhaedraIsMyName]

I'm glad I'm not the only person who doesn't consider ils to be "my family"

Mine definitely are not. They are related to my son not to me. If husband and I separated or if he died there would be no reason for contact between them and me. I suppose my son would stay in touch but I wouldn't and I'm sure none of them are remotely interested in doing so.

[PhaedraIsMyName]

LemonSquare do you care they don't think of you as part of their family? I've never thought of ils as my family.

[LemonSquares]

Only when they make a real obvious point of it PhaedraIsMyName.

Having said did annoy me more when MIL recently stating her expecations of me for when she gets old ie that I will be running round after her. I'm not family but I'm supposed to be at her beck and call - .

Also annoying when they try and interfer with our stuff - like making our wills, house and stuff - as they do give advice that anti-my interests but feel they can as it their family. Not that DH listens but still it's annoying.

[maninawomansworld]

It is seen as a woman's job but I think it is just that most men don't really care about it all.
As a man, I think that greetings cards are the a total waste of time and money. I never send them (DW usually ends up doing it bless her) but I also don't expect them off people - nor presents for that matter.

The only thing I ask for on my birthday each year is a lie in and a cooked breakfast (I'm a farmer so my normal wakeup time is about 5am). On my birthday DW does it and my Dad comes round to help her if there's anything too physically demanding to be done that day.

Kids are a different matter but adults don't require cards or prezzies.

[tobysmum77]

I'm shit at remembering birthdays. It isnt women's work in this house

[Glitterfeet]

I'm a women and I don't care about cards. I do them for both my parents as I know they do both care and expect them, it"s not about what I would want for myself. They're my parents and it's my responsibility, not my husbands, to do this little thing for them.

[5madthings]

I buy my family cards and presents and Dp does his when he remembers (and he has got better at remembering). I have had some comments from his family about me forgetting and I make it clear that it wasn't me that forgot.

I do do letters)cards from the kids, well the elder ones do their own, I help the little ones.

[Charlieboo30]

DP is great with presents but not with wrapping,. He just scrunches and wraps loads of tape round it. I had a Saturday job in a card shop which offered gift wrapping so this is one thing I'm better at!

I buy and write all the cards - DP just wouldn't bother!

[olivespickledonions]

I do all the presents and cards for dh's side of the family. I do think it's expected of me because 'I'm the woman' and it is annoying, but if I didn't do it, it would not get done, and world war 2 would kick off with dmil!
Unfortunately it's one of those things 'women' are supposed to be better at, like washing men's pants

[zeezeek]

We're both rubbish. As long as the kids' birthdays are remembered (by one of us!) then it's not a big deal in my family. DH's children from his previous marriage are his responsibility - I think he sends them money, but rarely bothers with a card. His parents are both long gone and mine are well aware that their daughter is crap!

[mousmous]

I don't even know my inlaws birthdays.
dh's job.
I only know dn's because it's also mine and dh's siblings because they share it.

[MrsKoala]

I don't know my PILs birthdays, their address or phone number.

As a man, I think that greetings cards are the a total waste of time and money.

I don't really understand what the beginning of that sentence has to do with the end. It's like saying 'as a woman i don't like cauliflower'. My dad and DH are well into the cards (Dad likes nice pictures and DH likes nice words). I'm not bothered really - i'm all about the presents

[Nocomet]

And that Mrskoala is something to be very ashamed of.

You may or may not like your PIL, but they are part of what makes your DP who he is, you really ought to be faintly interested.

[aquashiv]

I care about someone's I love feelings so I'll send a card. He will too but only to me. He places no importance on card buying or presents for anyone but his immediate family. Good for him.

[PhaedraIsMyName]

MrsKoala I don't know the birthdays, addresses or telephone numbers of any of husband's family.

I'm not in the least bit ashamed.

[PhaedraIsMyName]

*MrsK also agree about the first half of that sentence not matching the second half.

My husband loves cards,he's very much "saw this and thought of you";not necessarily at birthdays and sends cards to me, our son, his siblings and nephews and nieces and friends.

[MyBaby1day]

I am ALWAYS doing cards and giving people gifts!, just random people!! . There always seems to be an ocassion i.e. a Birthday, Easter, Christmas, a Thank You, Birth of a Baby etc. and it's all down to me!!

[TroyMcClure]

I gave up chrustmas cards on this basis. Men don't entertain this shit.

Was liberating

[TroyMcClure]

(This was over ten years ago , we still have friends )