to ask why if you disapprove of porn

[katekong]

Besides the moral implications that many people in the porn industry are used/scared/mistreated/on drugs. If you disapprove of porn in a relationship, why so?

I'm on my third long-term relationship where I've discovered that my dp has a secret prolific porn habit. I've said at the beginning of each relationship that porn is ok as long as everyone's open and honest. Yet all three have kept it secret which makes it wrong and seedy in my opinion. Iccan't describe why it feels so wrong succinctly, so was hoping others could help me to articulate my feelings. If you disapprove of its use (separately) in relationships, why so? If not, why not?

Cominthrough, I've been there, scared to leave but don't want to stay. Its hard leaving and my self confidence was on the floor for a while, but try and surround yourself with people and new experiences. I wish you loads of luck, and when you are ready, someone who makes you feel loved and supported.

Cominthrough, your boyfriend is typical of a porn addict: blames you for his shortcomings, can't understand why you don't react like the porn actresses and knows nothing about female desire. Please don't take it personally, he would be like this with pretty much any woman.

Your boyfriend is an abusive fuckwit, Comin.

We have 2 daughters....

DH had an "epiphany" and suddenly realised he was watching somebody else's probably teenage daughters... and can't bear to any more....

Good god crafty that's vile. It really took an epiphany to make him realise that these desperate women are somebody's daughter too?

CominThrough, this really rings bells with me: "The last few times he was flipping me over at odd angles, in total silence and there was no affection there". My ex did this, and he didn't care if the positions he put me in were uncomfortable. It was all legs round my ears or over his shoulders. Horrible. He also said having sex with me was boring. I know now that porn must have been playing a big part in this.

New DP does not watch porn and the sex with him is entirely different. A whole new world.

I find the people who see porn as simply fantasy and removed from real life incredible.
Yes it is on the screen, but real people have been involved in making it. And it does have an impact on people in the real world rather than just staying in their mind. Hence the posters above who have experienced their partners trying to get them into positions they have seen in porn films, or who find normal sex boring, because of all the weird things they have seen and come to consider as usual. Don't tell me that those who watch porn don't see those images when they are having sex with their girlfriend/wife. It's not a pleasant thought.

DH had an "epiphany" and suddenly realised he was watching somebody else's probably teenage daughters...

Blimey, I wonder what he'll do when he realises that they are also people in their own right.

unreal, Bump, Princess, expat and vertec

noodle I don't get how you can acknowledge the women seem to be in pain but dismiss it as fantasy. Who wants to be with someone that fantasises over someone else's pain? Bearing mind that person is a real human being that's being hurt. Baffles me!

Dp also had been doing the flipping around and 'trying new thing's which are not remotely appealing to a woman, so I'd suspected for a while. It just feels a bit tragic.

The anus is a one-way street, as far as I'm concerned.

End of

Daisychain, apparently anal sex can feel good for a woman if it's done right, as some women find the pressure enjoyable, but for most women it's entirely pointless because we lack the prostate, which makes it so enjoyable for gay men. Not represented as fact in porn because a porn actress will be expected to do anal several times in her career, and often while she's being penetrated in another orifice.

For the ladies whose men are taking their cues from porn; can you recall if your man has ever given you an orgasm that wasn't totally accidental?

Princess, the anus was designed to defaecate from, so it doesn't appeal to me or DP. There are limitless things that some people choose to try out. That's not on my to-do list, I will admit.

I guess I can thank you for the education regarding what gay men do as I'm clueless in that regard but I do know they suffer in later life due to degraded sphincter muscles which must be awful for them, and a high price to pay for their kind of love.

I've been looking at this thread again and have decided I really don't like the argument people use, that they have a high sex drive and therefore'need' porn to either enhance their sex life with a partner or on their own if they don't have a partner.
I really don't think this justifies porn or its use. Having sex or a constantly evolving sex life is not a human right, especially if it leads to and supports something with an many negative impacts as the porn industry. People either need to just have the sex they have been having, use their imaginations or go without! There is no right to constant visual stimulation. I do believe that people have self control and can choose whether to feed their interest in porn or not. It really is not acceptable to put its use down to a high se. Drive or lack of self control.

I agree with you Chocolate. It's similar to the argument that people who are against porn are against sex.

Knowing that he watches porn makes me feel disgusting and is a complete tutn-of cos I then thinly he's trying out stuff he's seen on me

My husband watches porn and it does and doesn't bother me. It doesn't bother me too much that he's using something to help himself along, so to speak, but the porn industry in general bothers me for all the reasons given above. It bothers me that my husband sees stuff that he then wants to replicate. When I was 10 weeks preg with our daughter he said he'd ordered some stuff online and he's done this before and it's been some kinky knickers or something else fairly harmless. What turned up was a shock - a strap-on dido and anal lube. I sat in the bath crying for about an hour. I made him send it back unopened. Our bedroom 'interests' are rather different lately and our vanilla sex life doesn't seem to do it for him, but he doesn't push the matter and is very considerate of my needs. I'm not going to do stuff I'm not comfortable with.

I've got a friend who does porn (girlie stuff, no men involved. She's married with a toddler). Her body image is totally warped, she earns pretty well but has to knock back half a litre of gin and do a load of coke before she can perform. Worse ways to earn a living I suppose but she's trying to get out of the industry. Not easy when you left school at 15, have no quals and have been dancing and doing porn since you were 18.

"but has to knock back half a litre of gin and do a load of coke before she can perform. Worse ways to earn a living I suppose but she's trying to get out of the industry."

Worse ways to earn a living? Jesus, that poor woman.

Bloody hell becca.

Just to clarify she chooses to do that rather than being made to, but yes it's a pretty shit thing to have to do to get through a few hours at work. I'm not sure why she's still doing it tbh. They don't need the money.

Why do you think she needs alcohol and coke to do a few hours work?

Where do they get their money from, if not porn, in order to fuel her alcohol and drug habits?

I guess my main question is what kind of a life do you have to think that's merely "pretty shitty"?

Her words not mine... She told me they don't need the money.

becca... what your friend is doing isn't "choice" in the way I understand "choice"

Paraphrasing of course. But I do think it's a crap thing to do to cope with your line of work.