WIBU for dh to take a big pay cut and for us to claim more tax credits?

[balenciaga]

I was going to nc for this as I think I'm gona be told we are being v v U. But fuck it am on my phone and can't nc on it and CBA to put laptop on to do it

Anyway. Dh has a new job. It's 32k, on that, we get 48 a week tcs with 3 dc (believe it or not that's ok money where we are)

However dh hates his new job, it's stupidly long hours and very stressful with no sign of letting up. I know it sounds pathetic but he has been in tears over it. we have a new (ish) born baby as well and he's never bloody here. And when he is, he is a tired mess and no good to any of us. He has a contact that has offered him a job working for him but it's only 20k

However it's a huge drop. And we initially thought he can't possibly take it as we would be skint. But then we did a calculation on hmrc site and worked out that if he took the new job we could claim higher tcs which would take us up to around a similar income, a bit less but not much

New job dh could do with his eyes closed and it's much less hours and easier work. So he will have a better work life balance and not be making himself Poorly with stress

But the idea of claiming more tcs doesn't sit right with me, and I also worry that soon they'll be put a stop to anyway

So I'm putting this to the mn jury...ps: fwiw I will be going back to work in a few months so we would not claim them long term

Findo, I didn't mean it in a sneery way, just that I'm not sure how much less stressful a 20k job would be than a 32k job. It woudl be a big drop for not much benefit, and likely to be similarly stressful.

I earn 30kish, DH earns around 50k, both with minimal stress and good hours. IME the people I know with real work stress either earn minimum wage or six figures.

(I know that's a very generalised statement before I get jumped on)

Of course it's not theft. What a ridiculous thing to say. Claiming tax credits is legal. The op isn't proposing to do anything illegal.

I support the OP and I'm not a Labour voter. Nor am I on any benefits.

How can it possibly be "theft" for her to take what is offered? And you can't tell how stressful a job is by the pay ffs. As others have pointed out, you can be "hardly a captain of industry" on the minimum wage and still have an incredibly stressful job.

This is a short term solution for OP until this family gets properly back on their feet. It's not like she's asking "WIBU to pack in my job, get DH to pack in his and sign on as we just can't be arsed working at all" (which would be a daft plan anyway). Her DH doesn't have a moral obligation to keep a higher paid job that he is really struggling in (with stress and with hours he hates) just to calm the tiny shouting Daily Mail in other people's minds.

I also do know a lot of Labour voters and none of them vote "just so's I can keep me benefits". What's actually fucking us is the splits and divisions between people in this country and the increasingly hostile atmosphere to anyone, anyone at all, who is perceived as "taking" and "getting more than me". It's even sunk down to the level that hate crimes against the disabled are up because people see them as "taking from the system". We need to stop that tendency in ourselves.

What is wrong isn't workers attitudes but what is expected of them. The dh had to lie to book a day off yet he is entitled to annual leave but he didn't really get a day off because his boss harassed him by phone all day. No one should have to work in those conditions but it seems to be expected and that is what is wrong.

Op protecting both of yours mental health, marriage and family is important and if it costs extra tax credits now to protect all that then it's a price worth paying.

TrueGent
Apart from the fact that this isn't really the place to discuss your dislike of the Labour Party, take a look at what the Tories are doing to people with disabilities.

Oh, and joining just to have a go at somebody is a bit off, too.

I find it strange that so many are taking the moral high ground in regard to claiming TC.

The majority of us are quite happy to use the state for our health care,why arn't we arguing the fact that we should all get second or higher paid jobs to pay for private Heath insurance instead of expecting the state to provide.

Most of us are quite happy to use the state to educate our children and don't give a second thought that the NHS is on its knees yet when it appears someone else is claiming something you don't get its suddenly wrong.

Apologies dawndonnaagain, I'll run my next posts past you in advance, shall I?

This ---> "I find it strange that so many are taking the moral high ground in regard to claiming TC.

The majority of us are quite happy to use the state for our health care,why arn't we arguing the fact that we should all get second or higher paid jobs to pay for private Heath insurance instead of expecting the state to provide.

Most of us are quite happy to use the state to educate our children and don't give a second thought that the NHS is on its knees yet when it appears someone else is claiming something you don't get its suddenly wrong."

Those of us that can afford to be self-sufficient, should be...the rest should claim their entitlements (which should be as low as possible to incentivise work).

I think any person who wishes to increases the amount of tax credits they receive has a moral obligation to try and prevent that from happening if they can. The concept of taking them because they are there rather than assessing proper need is a valid one. I amazed that many people really don't question this at all.

In this case, dealing with the route cause of the problem - the current job should be first port of call. If he genuinely can't improve his situation, then clearly seeking alternative employment, even if less well paid is a reasonable thing to do.

But just leaving willy nilly because another less well-paid, easier one has come along, but that's ok, we'll just top up courtesy of the state... is a crappy thing to do and a shitty system that allows it.

Besides, the OP is clearly troubled and in a bad place generally and I think her DHs job, is just one of many things. I really hope that she can sort something out and get some support.

It's totally ridiculous to extrapolate this situation to suggest more people should avoid the NHS or state education.

The private education and healthcare options are extremely expensive, most middle income earners simply couldn't afford it.

The OP's DH is capable of earning £32k so he should look for something else around that level before taking the easy option.

If we all only did the absolute minimum we could the country would be crippled.

I'm not getting this. So it would be OK if OP's husband left after exhausting all avenues, but it wouldn't be if he just thought the stress was too much and left? These are fine dividing lines.

I don't think anyone has a moral obligation to stay in a job they hate for the rest of the country's sake. I left a higher paying job to go to a low-paid one because I couldn't deal with the job any more. Did I have an obligation to stay in because I was paying more taxes? Is the State there for us, or are we there for it?

If someone has issues at work, surely they would try to right them before leaving because of them.

If the company won't budge, or are unsupportive, then fair enough.. but surely you have to attempt to deal with the problem.

Did I have an obligation to stay in because I was paying more taxes?

Get a grip.

No one has said that.

The reality is, if TC's weren't going to top up this family's income they wouldn't even consider the DH taking the other job- yes the system is wrong- but to take advantage of that is morally abhorrent.

Without tax credits, he'd look for another job on the same income. Relying on benefits should be a last resort when all other avenues have been explored and that isn't the case here.

I think sometimes that if a new lob is impacting adversely on your well being and you have an opportunity to move on it's better to do it sooner rather than later.

OP are you definitely going back to work in a few months?

Is it your old job?

How many months away?

I ask because I think it will help your mental state as well as your finances. You are not failing your dc but when you go back to work you will feel less helpless, you'll be bringing in money and then your dh can take the lesser paid job.

If you already feel bad about the TC can't he just hang on until you go back? It sounds awful for him but could he deal with it better knowing there's a finish line?

And have you spoken to your GP/HV about how you're feeling? How old is baby? Have you been diagnosed with PND?

It sounds like he can't continue as it is, so you are not being left with much choice imo. YANBU.

This has really annoyed me. Loads of people have really stressful jobs which they don't enjoy but have to go it to pay the bills and huge tax bills.

My dh hates his job, doesn't see our dc, travels abroad every week and has a long commute when he's here, but wouldn't for one minute jack it in without another job to go to. (He's looking)

If everyone took this easy option nd got jobs they could do with their eyes shut, there wouldn't be enough people paying tax to pay all the tax credits. I'm sorry but if he's capable of earning more then you shouldn't be expecting other people to subsidise you!

Look for a different job but don't go looking for handouts.

Take the 20K job! Happy husband= happy family life!

Morally abhorrent - seriously? Being a paedophile and abusing children is morally abhorrent. Taking a less well paid job because you struggle with stress and your family is suffering? Not so much.

This is what I mean about the Daily Mail being inside some people's brains. You're seriously telling someone on £32k that he has a moral obligation to take another £32k job. Not that it would be wise, or better financial planning, to take a job at that level (both of which I agree with). It's actually morally wrong if you don't.

And why? Because you'll get a tax credits top up. The reason you get this is because a single worker on £20k can't support a family. That is an utterly ridiculous state of affairs and a shame to us as a nation. It's not the fault of the worker on £20k.

balenciaga, do whatever is right for your family. YANBU.

There is no shame in taking benefits you are entitled to have.

It's not the fault of the worker on £20k

Agree totally! But he isn't on 20k right now is he?

He would be choosing that salary and state top up?

There is an element of choice in this situation.

One that I don't think should be so easy to make.

It sounds like he can't continue as it is, so you are not being left with much choice imo. YANBU

Agree, but the first port of call shouldn't be to just jack it in.