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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I expecting too much or is the teacher being unreasonable?

119 replies

Spiceroots · 03/06/2014 11:18

My dd has to unfortunately wear a sort of dental brace for the next 6 months.

During the initial settling period she will need some support from the school, in terms of softer foods, time to clean the brace, some lisping is also to be expected. Dd is quite anxious about the whole process

I sent an email to her class teacher requesting a meeting, to discuss this particular type of brace and the support that dd might need.
She has just written back to say that the school has dealt with lots of other similar issues and she doesn't need to know specifics. She will of course try to help as an d where possible but doesn't need to meet.

I am a little stunned. This is the second time in this academic year I have requested to see her.
I am happy to meet at her convenience as I am aware that she must have a lot on her plate.

I had hoped that dd was seen as an individual rather then just another number in the school. But I feel that with this particular teacher it's a losing battle.
Would I be unreasonable to take it up with the year head or just see how dd copes?

OP posts:
soverylucky · 03/06/2014 11:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FatalCabbage · 03/06/2014 11:22

How old is DD?

I think it's very likely the teacher is telling the whole truth. And in fairness the full specifics won't be known until it's in (how much her speech and eating will be affected).

onetiredmummy · 03/06/2014 11:22

How old is DD?

If secondary I'd think that with DD's food choices the onus is on her to select something appropriate & that washing the brace could be done within lunchtime?

If primary then perhaps send her with a lunch box of soft foods & again the brace could be washed within lunchtime.

If you have a problem with the teacher being available to talk about your concerns then yes take it up with the year head. It would be DD's anxiety not the brace itself that would worry me.

Original poster
Spiceroots · 03/06/2014 11:23

Forgot to add dd is in 7. So in primary.

I had emailed the teacher earlier today.
I don't want to be one of those parents who is always in the classroom complaining but I'm really frustrated.

OP posts:
MsTwankeyToYou · 03/06/2014 11:23

Is she in primary or secondary? (You say "class teacher" but also "head of year", which is why I'm unsure.)

If secondary, I wouldn't expect a meeting as there are so many different teachers who will be involved in the adjustments - a note or e-mail to be passed around would do the job much better, plus a phone call with the HOY if any special dispensations are needed regarding specific school rules.

If primary, I would expect a meeting as your DD's teacher will have far more involvement and sole control/responsibility.

MrsWinnibago · 03/06/2014 11:23

Is your DD in secondary school? If so I am afraid I agree with the teacher. Millions of 11 and 12 year olds cope with braces yearly and with no support. UNless your child has special needs, there is no need to imagine that she won't cope.

My own DD needs a double set of fixed braces soon and I never considered speaking to her teacher!

MrsWinnibago · 03/06/2014 11:24

DD is "in 7" do you mean she IS 7 or she's in year 7? In the UK year 7 is secondary.

Original poster
Spiceroots · 03/06/2014 11:27

Onetiredmummy - i feel that dd is still little and needs the support from her class teacher. The emotional side is something g that is a major concern especially as I feel this teacher is not one to nurture or support kids.

Mstwankeytoyou - dd is 7 so still in primary and has one main class teacher.

OP posts:
Original poster
Spiceroots · 03/06/2014 11:28

Sorry should have added in the original post dd is 7years old and in year 3

OP posts:
MsTwankeyToYou · 03/06/2014 11:28

Oh, BTW, it also depends on the type of brace.

Regular, fixed braces are generally nothing to do with teachers at all. If she's having linguals or blocks, I can see the benefit of a brief conversation with a primary teacher as they're rarer (so it's less likely that the teacher will be familiar with the consequences) and the impact on speech can be considerable at first. If she's having a removable, I can see how it would be useful for a primary teacher to know in case there are issues with stowing it safely during mealtimes (so it doesn't get thrown away while it's wrapped in a napkin), arranging to clean teeth if lavatory access is limited, etc.

WorraLiberty · 03/06/2014 11:30

Is it a very unusual type of brace that's different to the ones most of the other kids wear?

If not then she's right. The school will have had 1000s of brace wearers passing through their doors over the years.

If it is very unusual, I'd wait and see how your child copes and if there are any specific problems that need to be dealt with.

MrsWinnibago · 03/06/2014 11:31

Oh yanbu then! She's only small. I would personally go in and grab the teacher at hometime myself...just walk in and say "Have you got a moment?"

WorraLiberty · 03/06/2014 11:31

Sorry, X posted.

I assumed you meant Year 7

If she's only 7yrs old, I think that changes things a bit. Yes, perhaps the teacher should be a bit more willing to have a quick chat with you.

Original poster
Spiceroots · 03/06/2014 11:32

Until she gets used to the brace she will have a noticeable lisp and will not in the initial stages be able to have 'normal' food.
I think if she was a little older she would be more able to cope with the anxiety. However at 7 (years) I feel she still needs a little support while she gets used to the brace.

OP posts:
onetiredmummy · 03/06/2014 11:34

She is only 7?

Then yes I would expect a teacher to make time for me if my child was anxious.

capsium · 03/06/2014 11:34

I think a letter would be good outlining what you think the issues might be. It will be there to refer to, if the teacher needs to and it also provides a written record.

WooWooOwl · 03/06/2014 11:35

Why do you need to meet the teacher to discuss it?

Can't you just can't on the phone and say that your dd might need time and a reminder to clean the brace, and ask that she ensures that happens? You've been told that the teacher will help where possible.

I'm not sure why you need a face to face meeting to discuss that your dd will lisp a bit and will be eating softer food. Presumably the teacher doesn't provide your child's food, you or the caterers do.

WooWooOwl · 03/06/2014 11:37

Autocorrect fail, meant chat!

But you could tell the teacher about the lisp and food in an email as well.

haggisaggis · 03/06/2014 11:38

What kind of brace is it? If it's block braces then I do think a meeting with the teacher would be a good idea. They can make speech quite difficult early on and I think a 7 year old would find wearing them really quite difficult - so some support from the teacher would be a good thing.

Original poster
Spiceroots · 03/06/2014 11:38

Yes dd is 7, in year 3. Hence why I felt it was important to talk to her class teacher.

I am now planning on writing to her. Would it be unreasonable to ask her, since she is not willing to meet up with me, to explain how she plans to support dd for the first few days/week of having her brace?

I'm really at the end of my tether with this teacher (not for this particular issue but lots of small things that have happened over the year) and year end cannot roll around quickly enough.

OP posts:
WooWooOwl · 03/06/2014 11:40

What sort of support do you actually want from the teacher apart from a reminder to clean the brace and time to do it in?

Weegiemum · 03/06/2014 11:40

My 10yo dd2 had an "unusual" brace for 4 months (a "preventer" got dissuade her up breakable thumb-sucking!)

It made her lisp, stopped her normal food for a few weeks (took soup etc in a flask instead of sarnies for lunch)

It never crossed my mind to contact school apart from telling them I was taking her to the dental hospital.

If she had a problem (it hurt her once) she talked to the PSA.

capsium · 03/06/2014 11:42

Spice I think the letter should lay out what your daughter will need in terms of support, in the assumption this support will be given. In the last paragraph ask the teacher to contact you if there any problems giving this support or if she has any queries.

Original poster
Spiceroots · 03/06/2014 11:47

Woowoo- I wanted the teacher to offer not just practical support ( cleaning etc) but to also understand dd anxiety. She's the only one in her class to have this kind of brace and she's not feeling great about it. I'm trying to work on the anxiety at home and would have like to have the teachers support on this

Capsium- that's great advise. Thanks.

OP posts:
HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 03/06/2014 11:48

Is your daughter worried about being different from the other kids and getting teased about having a lisp? I've got a Year 3 girl and I would definitely want to be having a face-to-face conversation with the teacher about it. Not about choosing soft food or having time to clean it or making sure it doesn't end up in the bin (although all valid points of course) but to ensure the teacher will keep an eye on her and any possible teasing or bullying that could result. Kids can be cruel and if your DD is already showing anxiety about wearing it, the teacher should be on her side. Absolutely.

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