Am I expecting too much or is the teacher being unreasonable?

[Spiceroots]

My dd has to unfortunately wear a sort of dental brace for the next 6 months.

During the initial settling period she will need some support from the school, in terms of softer foods, time to clean the brace, some lisping is also to be expected. Dd is quite anxious about the whole process

I sent an email to her class teacher requesting a meeting, to discuss this particular type of brace and the support that dd might need.
She has just written back to say that the school has dealt with lots of other similar issues and she doesn't need to know specifics. She will of course try to help as an d where possible but doesn't need to meet.

I am a little stunned. This is the second time in this academic year I have requested to see her.
I am happy to meet at her convenience as I am aware that she must have a lot on her plate.

I had hoped that dd was seen as an individual rather then just another number in the school. But I feel that with this particular teacher it's a losing battle.
Would I be unreasonable to take it up with the year head or just see how dd copes?

I am now planning on writing to her. Would it be unreasonable to ask her, since she is not willing to meet up with me, to explain how she plans to support dd for the first few days/week of having her brace?
Yes it would be. It is not a teacher's job to supervise your child cleaning her brace, selecting suitable foods etc; you might possibly persuade a TA or Dinner supervisor. You have made the teacher aware; she answered your email promptly;she has had far more experience of dealing with problems with children with braces than you have; leave it.

Although in the absence of a face-to-face conversation I think capsium's letter is a good idea.

Hope it all goes OK for your daughter, Spice and keep reminding her she will have beautiful teeth - like this>

Goblin

It is not a teacher's job to supervise your child cleaning her brace, selecting suitable foods etc; you might possibly persuade a TA or Dinner supervisor.

The teacher will be able to speak to the parent then if expectations are unreasonable, won't she. Schools still do have a Duty of Care and should be prepared to discuss how they will handle such issues with parents.

What is unusual about this brace? And what support does your dd need that is different from other children with braces?
I would think, even at age 7yo, the best thing is for you to explain to your dd what is needed, and what she needs to do, because if you, or the normal teacher isn't there (eg at friend's house) she needs to be able to deal with it herself.

Dd2 has her arm prosthesis, which she uses for certain sessions. I think I mentioned it wasn't to go in water in year R, but other than that, I felt it was more important that she could use it without help, because then she is able to access anything at any time, without having to be reminded or helped.
Ds (age 6yo in year 2) is practicing taking his new moulded ear plugs in and out for swimming which starts next week. He struggles with doing it on his own, so he's been practicing, I don't think it's fair to expect the adults to do it for him, which is what he would prefer, as they have 29 other dc to help too. I have reminded him why he has them, and what he needs to do to get them in.

Wow at our school, teachers want to know everything and are always around for a chat. Have 2 DC at school and yesterday at pick up was asked about our poorly rabbit, how my sister in law is and was given an unasked for update on my reception DS. We're constantly reminded that the teachers are available after school. Maybe because they make themselves so available, parents are willing to trust them and they don't get bothered too much.

Would do as Capsium suggests and also send letter to head about teachers refusal to see you at all on two occasions. It may well be their policy to encourage teachers to not see parents.

And 7 is very young for braces so its completely understandable you would be concerned and appreciate some reassurance.

DeWee

because if you, or the normal teacher isn't there

That is why having a written record, such as a letter is good.

I wouldn't require a meeting with the teacher for this issue. I think it can all be explained in an email.

You mention other issues, so maybe you are reacting in relation to those as well. But honestly I think a meeting is not necessary.

If I'm honest I think you're expecting too much. A simple note to the teacher to say DD has a new brace, is a bit anxious about it and could the teacher just keep an eye on her and et you know if there any problems is all that is required. I think wanting them to outline how they plan to "support" your DD is overkill.

Soverly

It isn't really the teachers job to clean the brace.

The Op merely wanted her DD to be given time to clean her brace. For example if they are late out from lunch she may be uncomfortable with food stuck on her brace, it is helpful for the teacher to be aware that she needs to be allowed to go and clean it.

I don't think it warrants emails or meetings or letters to the head!! It's a 'DD has a a new brace, can you keep an eye on her' at drop off and a 'How was she today, did she have any problems' at pick up.

John 'keeping an eye on her' is support.

I think the issue here at that the OP's DD is only 7 - that's pretty young for a brace isn't it?

At high school I would say the majority of kids have some sort of brace at some point, so I doubt anyone would feel different.

I agree it's not the teacher's responsibility for overseeing food choices / cleaning the brace but I think the child may well need some moral support initially.

DD has had braces since she was 7 and in year 2, she's now in year 3. both DSs had them too. The other children were all fine about them and the lisping was not an issue and soon wore off. They had packed lunch for a couple of days but food was not a problem thereafter.

Perhaps the teacher is telling the truth when she said she knows the drill...?

None of mine really required any help at all. I was called in twice with DS2 - once to help him put a brace back in after he'd taken it out for some reason and once when he'd had a freak accident with it.

My attitude when the school has been dismissive of my concerns and I don't feel listened to is to tell them that I fully appreciate they have dealt with thousands of kids over the years but that 'I' have only dealt with one and I need my concerns to be acknowledged and would probably pick up some ideas myself. At the very least I want to ensure continuity as far as possible between school and home.

Honestly, having a brace is not that big a deal. I had one at about the same age - it was not even something that even needed to be discussed between my parents and teachers. Your daughter will be fine, apart from a little bit of discomfort. She really won't need that much extra support, and the teacher has made it clear that there are procedures in place.

The more fuss is made of this type of thing, the more traumatic it is for the kids, really.

capsium, yes - but it doesn't require a face to face meeting to discuss that at length - simple note in the schoolbag will do it. The OPs comments definitely imply that she thinks something other than "keeping an eye" on DD is required.

soverly sorry my mistake. However this will be cleared up through sending a letter, if the teacher needs to clarify what type of support is available and what is not she can do.

John Keeping an eye on infers more support than just observing though. If there are problems you would expect action to be taken. A letter would lay out what sort of issues there might be with this particular child having this particular brace and advice for dealing with them, perhaps what you have been told by the dentist.

This will be easily solved by another email to the class teacher copying the Head teacher in. 'Further to my request to meet with you to discuss dd's welfare I would like to request again that you make a 10 minute appointment to see me before the end of term.'
It doesn't matter if the brace is a big deal or not. The fact is you are a parent and have requested an appointment with a teacher. This should be granted. End of.
Head teacher will ensure you get that appointment unless he/she is useless.

I think it's really unfortunate that the teacher was not willing to meet for just 5 mins to reassure both the DD and the OP that it would all be fine.

Our school is always telling us we should feel free to discuss any concerns with the class teacher. Maybe the teacher has had a lot of experience (though not that many 7 yo's have braces, do they?), but it wouldn't take long to convey that in a face to face meeting.

If the DD is anxious then it's the job of the parent and the teacher to help and if part of that process is to meet with the parent then why not?

It doesn't matter whether the anxiety is misplaced, it's there and could so easily be dealt with by all parties. A simple "just talk to the dinner supervisors if you need help with your lunch" or "just come and let me know if you need some time to clean it" said to the DD with the parent present is all it would take.

For me, this would be the principal of the matter, not the actual brace itself. I see parents waylaying teachers for all manner of nonsense (in my eyes).

Whether there is a need for the meeting, or a note would suffice is irrelevant IMHO. As a teacher, I am appalled that you requested a meeting with her and she turned you down. I would never refuse to meet with a parent regardless of what they wanted to talk about. YANBU - and I don't think it would be unreasonable to write a letter or approach the head.