Am I expecting too much or is the teacher being unreasonable?

[Spiceroots]

My dd has to unfortunately wear a sort of dental brace for the next 6 months.

During the initial settling period she will need some support from the school, in terms of softer foods, time to clean the brace, some lisping is also to be expected. Dd is quite anxious about the whole process

I sent an email to her class teacher requesting a meeting, to discuss this particular type of brace and the support that dd might need.
She has just written back to say that the school has dealt with lots of other similar issues and she doesn't need to know specifics. She will of course try to help as an d where possible but doesn't need to meet.

I am a little stunned. This is the second time in this academic year I have requested to see her.
I am happy to meet at her convenience as I am aware that she must have a lot on her plate.

I had hoped that dd was seen as an individual rather then just another number in the school. But I feel that with this particular teacher it's a losing battle.
Would I be unreasonable to take it up with the year head or just see how dd copes?

I think you are making a huge deal out of this and that your dd will be picking up on that. This really is a quick chat at the class door at pick up time issue.

Lots of assumptions are being made here.

Perhaps the OP does not get to see the teacher at drop off and pick ups? Lots of parents don't. Appointments can be made via e-mail at lots of schools.

Perhaps the dd was anxious after what was said at the dentist?

Why blame the OP?

I accept that my expectations of the teacher are high.

I have taken on board advise on how to deal with the teacher. However it does not invalidate how I, as a parent am feeling.

I have not discussed with dd any of my concerns.
I have discussed with the what will be happening over the next couple of weeks. And I have tried to reassure her that her concerns are heard.

I do not get to see the teacher on a regular basis hence my communication via email.

Whilst dd will need some support while she gets the hang of being in braces, she can and will get used to this, it's short term and I am confident she will cope.
What I really wanted to discuss with the teacher was dealing with dd anxiety on having the brace and coping with it during the school day, given that she will be the only one in her class with braces.

I honestly don't think your expectations are high OP. I think its perfectly valid to want to see your child's teacher with specific concerns.

To be honest I would be returning to the teacher and saying you're not happy and would still require a meeting.

But surely you can just say in an email "dd is very anxious about the brace and may need some extra reassurance from you in the early days" really what else is there to say? I really don't think you are crediting the teacher with enough sense on how to deal with it tbh.

I think the best bet is to catch the teacher when you pick your dd up at the end of the school day. You can have a quick two minute chat which, provided she is not needed for an after school club, will be easy to do.

If you can only meet later, that might be more difficult to arrange and it would be best to just send in a letter.

In any case, all medical needs should really be put into writing anyway so that instructions are perfectly clear.

Being unable to eat or speak at school is one of the main reasons I gave up wearing my brace. However, I was in Y7 (secondary) at the time so zero support offered or expected. I would hope that a primary age child could expect a little additional understanding and support from her teacher. The same way I would expect any 7yo to get support to help cope with an issue that was causing them anxiety in school.

I think there are two separate issues here: the class teachers attitude and the brace.

The class teacher seems dismissive which is not good. Unless you are a parent who is worrying about everything and pestering the teacher every day over minor issues then I would expect the teacher to recognise that you have a need to speak to her and make time.

The brace is something your DD will hopefully adjust to quickly. I had one at a similar age and from (very rusty memory) the lisping died down fairly quickly as you adapt your speech. I had to readjust my speech when I stopped wearing it. I don't recall much of a problem from my classmates - it was a bit of a novelty and my lispy speech caused mild amusement - to me too - for a day or too.

day or two

You are being a bit unreasonable. I really don't think a brace is an event/issue that warrants a one to one meeting with a teacher: you could quite easily discuss this on the phone or send an email telling the teacher what you need them to be aware of.

The support that she needs is applicable to any child with a brace. The teacher is right to reassure you that they have dealt with this before and are perfectly capable of helping your daughter without needing a meeting about it all.

You seem disgruntled that the teacher is declining to meet you, but I do think a lot of people don't view teachers as professionals with schedules to manage and pastoral issues to prioritise. My GP won't see me for a blood test because he doesn't need to. Same thing here, in my opinion.

I'm a dentist not an orthodontist but normally the lisp disappears in a few days, braces are more unusual in 7 year olds, generally orthodontics is done in puberty but for certain types of problem when it is about jaw relationships and encouraging bone growth in a certain direction braces can be needed younger and are generally not the straightforward "train track" type

I would suggest another email

" as you know minispiceroots is getting a new brace this is a more complex kind than most and it is likely she will lisp for a while she is worried about this when answering questions and whether she might be teased, she will need time to clean it after any food as it is a bit tricky, can you please reassure her you understand her fine when she is speaking

thanks for your help in advance regards spiceroots"

a think a meeting is a bit OTT unless your DD has SN or severe anxiety, I would spend time assuring DD that it will be fine it will be at bit awkward at first but everyone gets used to eating and talking with a brace quite quickly and in a few weeks DD will be an expert with brace i'm sure

All it needs is a note really OP.

Sounds like your class teacher has had an issue with parents making unnecessary meetings therefore is trying to reduce them - a face-to-face is really not needed to talk about a brace. Some parents don't seem to understand that all those 10 mins add up and have an impact.

I agree that it does need addressing but only in writing. I'm not sure why you desperately want a face-to-face meeting when a note would suffice. It doesn't need a discussion; she just needs to be made aware of your DD's needs/

Spiceroots - do you know anyone else whose dc have had these braces? If so, it might be helpful for your dd to have a chat with them - it might set her mind at rest to hear from someone who has dealt with the whole braces at school thing.

Ds2 had his braces as a teenager, and I do know that that makes it different, but it might reassure you to hear that he coped very well with them, and didn't find they caused him any problems at school.

"Dear XXX, it is reassuring that you and the school have dealt with similar. However, as my daughter is anxious about this, I am keen to talk to you in person about the steps to manage the initial period and be clear on the support she will need, so I can reassure her.

I am happy to meet at your convenience any time in the next week / xx days - please let me know when would be best."

Or change "I am keen to" to "I really must insist".

I think this would be a better way to go than involving head of year / headteacher, as this might get her back up. Instead you'd be making it clear that you will be meeting her to discuss the issue, while not making a big point over her disagreement with doing so.

Seriously, all this over a brace?

My YR1 DD recently developed a nasty turn in her eye. Took her for an appt, got glasses and just gave the teacher a heads up that her eyesight was poor and she was due glasses soon at pick up time and relayed the advice the optometrist had given.

A 30 second conversation or quick email is more than enough. The bigger an issue you make of it, the bigger your DD will feel it is.

Quite agree DragonMamma

spice

The reactions on here are worrying are they not?
One hope some of the posters are not teachers...

I totally understand your concerns and of course its the teacher who has now sparked off a bigger deal of this than it needs to be, by simply not seeing you, and meeting you.

I never had to wear a brace and I am sure once its in it would be fine but the thought of it makes me feel anxious too and claustrophobic.

Seeing as you asked to meet her, even though she may find it annoying I am not sure her note to you has allayed a worried parents fears and the least she could have done was simply had a brief chat.

I also understand....its possible for you to feel worried without transferring this onto your child.

After all parents worry about all sorts of things without transferring them onto their children.

I am sure 100% our teacher would have happily had a quick 2 min chat about this....she is very approachable and sweet and kind.

At age 7, emotions etc are important and should be taken into account as part of school care. You have said your daughter is anxious, so your daughter is....anxious and the teacher was wrong to dismiss this.

I am really sorry your having to go through all of this op, perhaps you should speak to the school office and even the TA?

Seriously, all this over a brace?

Yes but it didn't have to be did it, teacher could have met op, or written a clearer and more warm note....to reassure her...she hasnt closed this down and this is what happens.

she will make more work for herself in the long run and this is why I do not get this approach.

I think the teachers response was very rude. I don't know any teachers who have refused a parent meeting on any grounds (other than whole staff being banned from meeting with certain people but even they got to meet with the head)Also I got a brace at 7 because I had a very extreme issue that needed sorting and it knocked my confidence for years. And yes there will be lots of students who would not be bothered in the slightest but the point is that your daughter is concerned, she has a right to have that anxiety addressed and to be reassured about going to school. Every student has the right to be treated as an individual. The teacher sounds lazy and dismissive and I would raise it directly with the head.

I also wonder if the DD is picking up the anxiety partly from you OP. My DD has toiletting issues, as do multiple children in most classes of this age group. Soiling yourself or wetting yourself in class is grim and causes stress and anxiety. Your DD may be anxious about the brace but is it really in a different league from the gamut of issues many of her classmates will be dealing with such as toiletting, broken bones, family break ups, pets dying, getting glasses, managing food allergies and medical conditions etc etc? Teachers deal with children's worries and need for a bit of support all the time.

I am surprised she won't have a 10 min conversation with you about it, if only because it would be the fastest way to reassure you and clear this off her 'to do' list, but I think a note and a quick word at pick up would cover it. I also think expressing confidence in front of DD that she has what it takes to manage it, and it's really no different than getting glasses, a cast or similar, would be more helpful to your DD than an in-depth dissection of her fears.

Agree also with Erin. Whilst I understand that you might be worried OP it's important to downplay these worries, and a quick chat after school, a quick phone call or a letter in the bag would have sufficed. I think you need to build your DDs confidence, and encourage her to believe that she can manage this, rather than writing letters back and forth and supporting your DD's belief that this is a major problem.

I think the teacher is being really unprofessional. You've asked for a meeting to discuss the issues and she says she doesn't need to meet you.

How does she know what you're concerns are- is she a mind reader?

I'd be quite angry about this. She's being very dismissive.

Agree Excuse, there may even be other issues op doesnt want to put in a note or more back ground etc.

but the teacher will never know as wont meet.