Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

Am I expecting too much or is the teacher being unreasonable?

119 replies

Spiceroots · 03/06/2014 11:18

My dd has to unfortunately wear a sort of dental brace for the next 6 months.

During the initial settling period she will need some support from the school, in terms of softer foods, time to clean the brace, some lisping is also to be expected. Dd is quite anxious about the whole process

I sent an email to her class teacher requesting a meeting, to discuss this particular type of brace and the support that dd might need.
She has just written back to say that the school has dealt with lots of other similar issues and she doesn't need to know specifics. She will of course try to help as an d where possible but doesn't need to meet.

I am a little stunned. This is the second time in this academic year I have requested to see her.
I am happy to meet at her convenience as I am aware that she must have a lot on her plate.

I had hoped that dd was seen as an individual rather then just another number in the school. But I feel that with this particular teacher it's a losing battle.
Would I be unreasonable to take it up with the year head or just see how dd copes?

OP posts:

JohnCusacksWife · 03/06/2014 12:25

Capsium, I think we're at cross purposes here. A note and a letter are the same thing aren't they?? The OP seems to be making more of it than is necessary and I can't see what additional benefit will arise from a meeting. Schools are well able to cope with these sorts of things.

OwlCapone · 03/06/2014 12:25

I hate the phrase "end of". It immediately makes me disagree with whoever said it.

OwlCapone · 03/06/2014 12:27

All this scenario really needs is a note saying "DD will need X, Y and Z because of A, B and C. Please do not hesitate to contact me if you need any further information"

TweeAintMee · 03/06/2014 12:28

I would be very surprised if a UK based teacher had encountered many pupils with braces. It is quite unusual for children of 7 to have braces in the UK. Usually they are fitted during secondary school, normally after all the big teeth have come through.

MiaowTheCat · 03/06/2014 12:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OwlCapone · 03/06/2014 12:36

The type of problems associate with wearing a brace aren't that much different to problems caused by other things though.

Lisping is the same as any speech impediment' having braces is the same as being different for any other reason, needing time to clean them is the same as any special requirement etc.

capsium · 03/06/2014 12:44

Joh Cross purposes? I don't know. I advised a note / letter in the first place. My DC has had a Statement of SEN, a lot of what is deemed 'support' is really not that involved / or requiring a great deal of additional resource. The difference between keeping an eye on and additional support is a really close call.

Schools should be able to cope, but many schools and teachers do not do all they should or all they can. A letter would clear this up. It might seen not a very big deal but the issues a brace might cause could affect this child's education.

The Op only wants the teacher to be aware and perhaps take ownership, in terms of acknowledging, what support they can offer. It's no use not telling the teacher and then if a problem arises it is handled badly due to lack of information.

isabellavine · 03/06/2014 12:48

I find the idea that a child's entire education is going to be thrown into jeopardy by wearing a brace a bit ridiculous and hysterical, to be honest.

I am glad I am not a primary school teacher dealing with overwrought parents all day.

capsium · 03/06/2014 12:49

Isa Not hysterical, just making others aware, so they are sensitive to the situation. Handing over a letter is not a big deal.

fruitpastille · 03/06/2014 12:50

At the endnof the day it doesn't really matter about the brace. If a parent specifically asked for a face to face meeting regarding their child, I can't imagine a primary teacher that wouldn't at least offer 10 mins or so at a mutually convenient time. It seems a bit unreasonable to me.

Viviennemary · 03/06/2014 12:53

I can't see why you need to meet the teacher to discuss it. It wouldn't enter my head to tell the teacher about a brace.

SirChenjin · 03/06/2014 12:53

The teacher is probably of the 'wait and see' school of thought, which is what I would be doing as a parent. I think a quick letter would suffice - set out what your DD needs to do throughout the day, and then deal with any problems if they arise. It's also a good idea to downplay your anxieties and don't let your DD see that you think it's an issue, or sure as oeufs is oeufs she'll start to think there is something to be concerned about.

JohnCusacksWife · 03/06/2014 13:05

Jeezo, Capsium, I give up! You say letter, I say note....you say "support", i say "keeping an eye out".... Talk about splitting hairs!

LiegeAndLief · 03/06/2014 13:13

The teacher sounds a bit unapproachable for Y3, unless we are just lucky... my ds is in Y3 and we are always able to see the teacher briefly after school if necessary. Are you not able to have a 5 min chat when you do pick up/drop off?

At 7 I would happily mention to a teacher anything that my child was very anxious about. That would include a brace.

sezamcgregor · 03/06/2014 13:14

I would be really upset that the teacher is so dismissive of you about this.

I would have a word with her after/before school one day and insist she listens - with a note with it all written down which can ensure that all members of staff know what DD's needs are.

As parents, we are supposed to be able to speak with school about things like this - they see more of our children that we do and it's important that we're a team all singing from the same sheet.

capsium · 03/06/2014 13:16

Sorry John, I can be quite pedantic . Just think it helps to clarify sometimes, so I explain and explain and possibly then explain some more. It is not meant as a criticism.

I have got used to using very definite language with my DC and they still question...slinks off.

Original poster

Spiceroots · 03/06/2014 13:24

Thank you everyone for replying.

I had initially thought that sending an email would be sufficient. However, over the course of the weekend I have had several conversations with dd and I feel that she is feeling anxious about the brace. Hence the need to meet with the teacher.

She will need to have time to clean it after meals (she, not the teacher will be doing the cleaning) so it will be something that a) causes curiosity in her peer group b) she might need reminding initially and or some time to go clean the brace.

The lisping really bothers her.

I feel that whilst teachers might have lots of experience dealing with this sort of thing. This is the first time dd is dealing with it and she needs to feel that her concerns are being heard.
I was not expecting a long drawn out meeting. Just a quick chat on what's going to happen when and the time frames of keeping an extra eye on dd. i would have ideally liked an environment where I felt that I could talk to dd class teacher who spends a lot of time with dd and feel heard.

I have taken on board all your feedback and I do appreciate the different points of view.

OP posts:

Original poster

Spiceroots · 03/06/2014 13:31

I did not necessarily want to see the teacher about the brace. That I could have sent an email as I have don't for other things during the year

I wanted to see her to

Be aware that dd might need some extra time for cleaning, eating etc, which I can do on email but would have felt better doing face to face.
That dd is feeling anxious about having the brace. The more important issue IMHO.

Dd had an amazing teacher in yr 2. Who cared as much about dd emotional development as well as academic.
This teacher spends more time with dd then I do. I would have hoped she would have been more sensitive to this the she was.

OP posts:

capsium · 03/06/2014 13:38

Spice From what you have said the teacher does seem dismissive. I don't actually think it is unreasonable to talk to the teacher about anything that might be upsetting to your daughter, additionally something which could be put in the category of medical information should be taken seriously enough to ensure the correct action is taken if need be.

On a similar vein my child once had an injury at school which required stitches. I went in to see the teacher at drop off and gave a letter detailing what the hospital had told me in terms of care. No problem. Yet I am sure they have dealt with plenty of similar cases.

GooseyLoosey · 03/06/2014 13:50

In Yr 2, dd was attacked by a dog and had facial scaring as a result. She was very anxious about how she would be perceived by her peers and I absolutely expected her class teacher to make time to discuss how that anxiety could be managed with me. It was an extremely important issue to dd and I did not think it was unreasonable for the school to take it on board.

It seems to me that the OP's dd has similar anxiety issues and the fact that they arise out of a more mundane set of circumstances does not make them less traumatic for the child or less worthy of consideration.

Talk to the teacher at drop off or pick up. Or better yet, delay getting the brace until the start of the summer hols if you can so your dd has more time to get used to it on her own.

MrsKCastle · 03/06/2014 14:09

OP, are you not able to catch the teacher for a few minutes at school pick-up time? She can't refuse to talk to you then, can she?

As a teacher, I don't think you are unreasonable at all. I would never refuse to see a parent who wanted to meet me (except perhaps if it was happening every week and taking a great deal of time- but even then I would still give them 5 min). Sometimes parents have 'had a word' with me and I've been left thinking 'Eh? Why did you bother telling me that?' But if they feel it needs to be said, fine.

In your case, I would be more than happy to meet.

OwlCapone · 03/06/2014 14:23

OK, I don't understand you are asking an "AIBU" question when clearly you aren't going to list to any advice that says the teacher might know what she's talking about.

I hope your DDs brace goes fine.

Fleta · 03/06/2014 14:37

I don't think that the reason for seeing a teacher matters. I would be really unhappy that any teacher was not willing to meet with a parent of such a small child to reassure them in an unusual situation.

I don't care whether the teacher has seen countless children with braces, the teacher hasn't seen OP's child's brace needs and therefore needs to deal with the situation.

PeachandRaspberry · 03/06/2014 14:37

Have you considered that your DD might be so anxious because you are making such a big deal of it? I really don't see the need to say anything other than 'DD has a new brace, please keep an eye on her'. I do think a meeting is excessive and really making a mountain out of a molehill.

FleurdeHeadLys · 03/06/2014 14:42

All this fuss over a brace! No wonder your DD is feeling anxious.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5