Am I expecting too much or is the teacher being unreasonable?

[Spiceroots]

My dd has to unfortunately wear a sort of dental brace for the next 6 months.

During the initial settling period she will need some support from the school, in terms of softer foods, time to clean the brace, some lisping is also to be expected. Dd is quite anxious about the whole process

I sent an email to her class teacher requesting a meeting, to discuss this particular type of brace and the support that dd might need.
She has just written back to say that the school has dealt with lots of other similar issues and she doesn't need to know specifics. She will of course try to help as an d where possible but doesn't need to meet.

I am a little stunned. This is the second time in this academic year I have requested to see her.
I am happy to meet at her convenience as I am aware that she must have a lot on her plate.

I had hoped that dd was seen as an individual rather then just another number in the school. But I feel that with this particular teacher it's a losing battle.
Would I be unreasonable to take it up with the year head or just see how dd copes?

Just to be clear no where has op said she is laying her worries on her child infact quite the opposite.

I have not discussed with dd any of my concerns.
I have discussed with the what will be happening over the next couple of weeks. And I have tried to reassure her that her concerns are heard*.

DS got removable braces for both his upper and lower teeth just yesterday. I picked up from school for the appointment and dropped him back afterwards. I can't say it occurred to me to speak to his teacher about it - poor kid has a terrible lisp just now, but I just assumed teachers were used to dealing with children with new braces.

1. I would write a full letter with full concerns & let it go. You will have stated your bit.

2. Are you sure she needs all that extra support?

I am trying to remember what DS needed (also had a retainer from about this point in yr3). But he was 8.5yo already, I know that extra age helps.
He kept quiet until he could talk without a lisp.
I packed his lunch so no involvement with school of soft food choices.
He took retainer out to eat, anyway. (no need to clean).
This was the start of the period when he was bullied, so not exactly a wildly confident child.

He was supposed to keep it in while eating but found that impossible, so we tried letting him not have it in during meals. Which worked fine.

He only needed it about 6 weeks, defying prediction it would take 4-6 months. I hope the time passes quickly for you, too.

DS had cross bite, by the way, bottom teeth were in front of top teeth.

If you want to compare wonky teeth situations.
Was Start of 6 yrs of orthodontic treatment, eek! Now about to be signed off. :)

I wore a headbrace at primary school - a big ugly red thing, all over my head and face.

The teachers wanted t meet with me, and actually, the head teacher too.

The school were lovely. So lovely in fact, that 3 other kids turned up wearing theirs the next day. Nobody was teased.

Speak to the teacher, ask again. You're not being precious or expecting too much.

Hoe your dd get on with her new brace ok.

YANBU
Braces are very common in secondary and DDs DF had one in Y5/6.

I have never noticed any of the younger DCs with one.

I used to be a Guider. The seven year olds were noticeably less confident than the older Girls.

careless if my post came across as "ranking" this as less than something else I apologise. My point is almost the opposite. Children have significant anxieties that are a massive deal to them all the time. And a teacher will know this and be used to dealing with it. Of course I have sympathy with the OP's DD, I'm just saying it's part of the 'day job' of teachers to handle these anxieties and the ones I've met are mostly a lot better at it than I am.

I would be more interested in finding out why she has to have a brace at 7? Surely that is highly unusual?

I do understand that a 7 year old might need her teacher to keep an eye out. What I don't understand is why the OP can't write a note and why a face-to-face meeting is so important. If then, she finds there are problems, then see the teacher. Mountain and molehill springs to mind.

I was always happy to meet before school when I taught, or arrange a time to have a phone conversation. That being said though, once the brace is in, it's in. The teacher will automatically ensure everyone ignores the lisp and treats your DD as they normally would, and she'll let the dinner ladies know she needs to choose soft food for lunch. No way can you expect the teacher to clean the brace though. You need to teach your DD to do that, or pop in at lunchtimes to do it yourself until she can.

I'm wondering if DD is picking up on the anxiety which seems to be emanating to you?

As most other posters have said, a letter/email/whatever will suffice just fine

Just set out what support that DD will need and explain that the teeth cleaning/food whatever has even mandated by the dentist - ie she should get on board with this as there is a clinical requirement and it's not just you being a loon.

Then assure DD that you have written to the teacher and that you have been told that the school has dealt with lots of similar things so isn't that great as it's all in hand and, do you know what, it's not that big of a deal as lots of other children have had similar things that have needed a bit of an adjustment phase.

the fact that teacher is unwilling to meet with you says a lot about your relationship with school tbh. I am a teacher and would always be happy to meet if parent had a concern or talk on phone etc. It seems that you are over thinking this. Is there any reason why you can't convey all this on phone? There isn't any set list of action that needs to be adhered to. All you need to say is what she will need to do and ask teacher to be aware that your dd is worried about it. You can then ask her to keep an eye on her and let you know if she is struggling. All this talk of how she is going to support her is OTT and it sounds like you have form for over doing things and then getting annoyed that teacher is less warm and fuzzy than you would like.

I can see why you are concerned and your daughter are concerned as she is so young for a brace. But I don't think the teacher really needs to discuss it, so maybe write a letter or email explaining what support she will require. Even so I would be annoyed they refused to meet with you.

careless totally agree.

THE DD is feeling anxious her mother is trying to allay her fears, she is trying to convey to the teacher that the DD feels anxious and hopes she will get some emotional support...

She has been sort of written off and dealt with en masse rather than an individual.

All children are different and will relate to things differently. What one child can handle with total ease another will balk at and vice versa.

careless thank you. It would have helped if I'd used shorter sentences!

I suspect a note would be fine if the teacher instilled faith that she would read it, care enough to pay attention and do what any professional person would to support and intervene in social situations as needed.

But I can easily see why the OP is worried, if this teacher hasn't developed a relationship of trust with the parents, then refuses to even interact with them, why would they then trust anything had been successfully communicated?

I haven't read the whole thread(!) - are all the parents complaining of this lack of a relationship of trust? In which case, has it been brought up with the HT?