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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to go to wedding without ds

446 replies

BettyBoo246 · 03/06/2014 10:27

My dh is best man at his friends wedding in 3 weeks time. We have a 8 mo ds. He has just spoken to his bf (groom) who has now said there is no child/baby policy at the ceremony.
This is obviously their choice - I have said therefore if my ds is not invited then I will not be attending. My dh now thinks I'm being mardy and bitter! Yes it has upset me that they have only just told us this rule after a year and that they think I can't control my ds, but I do understand it's their big day.
My dmil is already looking after ds when it's the meal/speeches etc and then for part of the night do etc so I don't really want to put on her anymore. Aibu to say if my ds is not coming neither am I?

OP posts:
Shinyshoes2 · 03/06/2014 18:52

If i specifically told people it was a child feeder wedding then someone turned up with a child id be fucking furious

It's not your day it's theirs

And why on earth would you miss the ceremony part which IS the wedding ?

Your DH is a massive part of that wedding too , he's the best man .. If you want to leave early YOU leave early but don't expect your DH too

You sound like a pain in the backside and are being a dick

Do everyone a favour and don't go

diddl · 03/06/2014 19:02

Thing is, if it's in a church, they can't stop people they haven't invited turning up, can they?
I'm not suggesting that Op takes her son BTW, but if for example an ex neighbour turned up with a baby, there would be nothing that they could do, would there?

CarolineKnappShappey · 03/06/2014 19:04

Sorry popped out.

To address the very important sartorial question; what should an 8 month old should wear to a wedding? you can't go wrong with Mini Boden. Wink

Original poster
BettyBoo246 · 03/06/2014 19:12

I didn't ask what brand you would dress your 8 mo ds in tho

OP posts:
CarolineKnappShappey · 03/06/2014 19:17

Mini Boden is more than a brand. It's a way of life.

Bearbehind · 03/06/2014 19:18

I do find it interesting that you've only said that 'you've taken on board' suggestions for a way around this rather than actually saying what you are going to do, yet you're still reading and posting.

Are you a bit disappointed that after kicking up such a fuss, there's plenty of ways around this that don't involve you DH going home early or you missing the ceremony?

Redglitter · 03/06/2014 19:29

diddl I'd thought that too. They can exclude kids from the reception but as you say the service is open to anyone.

It's very possible someone might go to the ceremony with a child I don't think there's anything they can do about it.

That happened at a friends wedding. It was a child free one and friends of theirs brought their toddler to the ceremony. she was as good as gold presented a horseshoe got a photo taken then granny took her away

Original poster
BettyBoo246 · 03/06/2014 19:38

Bearbehind you do seem keen on prompting arguments! I will rephrase my sentence for you shall I! I really am grateful for all the constructive suggestions and they will help me make a decision on what we are going to do most definitely, it's made me see a different side to my argument and possibly helped me put it all in to perspective, it is one day out of the many years ahead we have and yes I have picked the wrong occasion to have this argument with my dh. I will speak to mil for her pov and hopefully find a happy solution for all. I will make my peace with the suit ;)

OP posts:
Bearbehind · 03/06/2014 19:39

Fair play OP Grin

Talisawasnotsupposedtobethere · 03/06/2014 20:02

Oh come on admit it OP, you are pissed off because you wanted to dress your ds in a cute suit and show him off and have everyone cooing over him, and now the b&g are saying they dot want that.

What is the point of taking your ds to a ceremony he isn't invited to, and then walk around with him outside? It kind of sounds a little attention seeking tbh.

Rainbunny · 03/06/2014 20:17

So your're going to refuse to go to the whole thing even though you already have childcare arrangements for part of it? It sounds like you are taking this position on principal, not due to an inability to arrange childcare (would it really be impossible for your MIL to have your child the whole time?)

It's really dumb to inform people that it's a childfree event at this late stage (did they really not inform anyone until now? That sounds like a recipe for disaster!) but I wonder if it's the lack of notice that offends you are the fact that your child isn't welcome to the event that offends you? If it's the latter then I think YABU.

Gileswithachainsaw · 03/06/2014 20:19

:o @ caroline

Bearbehind · 03/06/2014 20:20

Why do people not RTFT?

I can hardly be accused of being the OP's best mate but she's accepted that her stance is wrong and is going to find a solution.

WTF are the last 2 posts all about?

Original poster
BettyBoo246 · 03/06/2014 20:20

Can everyone else just read the whole thread now please before responding!

OP posts:
Bearbehind · 03/06/2014 20:22

X post with me OP- bet you never thought that would happen Wink

Original poster
BettyBoo246 · 03/06/2014 20:24

Most definitely not :)

OP posts:
Bowlersarm · 03/06/2014 20:25

I liked your second to last post Betty Smile. You've had a fair bit of stick over however many pages.

But you will get people saying the same old, same old now who haven't bothered to read the whole thread!

KatieKaye · 03/06/2014 20:25

Good for you, OP!

Bowlersarm · 03/06/2014 20:25

X post...your third post back.

Talisawasnotsupposedtobethere · 03/06/2014 20:28

Sorry, I wrote the post ages ago and then had to go and do something so then just later pressed post. I see things have moved on! Smile

RVPisnomore · 03/06/2014 20:39

YABU, your husband is best man so personally if you can't bear the thought of leaving him with your mil overnight then YOU should leave early. It would not be good for the best man to leave early because of some sense of 'he's a dad, therefore he must leave too'.

However, having read all of the thread you think you're right, won't change your mind so not sure why you're still posting.....

Bearbehind · 03/06/2014 20:42

However, having read all of the thread you think you're right, won't change your mind so not sure why you're still posting.....

You've clearly not read all the thread RVP Hmm

Not really sure why you posted...........

Original poster
BettyBoo246 · 03/06/2014 20:50

Oh RVP really? You have obviously not read through the whole thread so please change the record now. And I'm still posting because i started the thread... Why are you posting?!

OP posts:
Original poster
BettyBoo246 · 03/06/2014 20:50

Actually don't answer that please.

OP posts:
RVPisnomore · 03/06/2014 20:55

No you won't, your paying lip service to other posts!