To not want to go to wedding without ds

[BettyBoo246]

My dh is best man at his friends wedding in 3 weeks time. We have a 8 mo ds. He has just spoken to his bf (groom) who has now said there is no child/baby policy at the ceremony.
This is obviously their choice - I have said therefore if my ds is not invited then I will not be attending. My dh now thinks I'm being mardy and bitter! Yes it has upset me that they have only just told us this rule after a year and that they think I can't control my ds, but I do understand it's their big day.
My dmil is already looking after ds when it's the meal/speeches etc and then for part of the night do etc so I don't really want to put on her anymore. Aibu to say if my ds is not coming neither am I?

[BettyBoo246]

Ok RVP enjoy your evening.

[Bearbehind]

OMFG- I know I can be harsh but how the fuck can you have decided that rvp

The OP had no reason to admit she was in the wrong, especially having defended her stance for about 15 pages. It was pretty brave to stand down yet you decide she's paying lip service?

[RVPisnomore]

Bear, I am entitled to my opinion. To which I don't have to explain myself to you. So toddle off.

[Bearbehind]

Fuck off with your 'toddle off'

I'm not saying you're not entitled to your opinion- I'm asking how you reached it?

[RVPisnomore]

Bear, if all you're going to do is swear then no I won't answer.

[ILoveCoreyHaim]

Nice one Betty, hope you DH and your DS enjoy the wedding and your son will look lovely in his new suit. Buy your MIL a nice bunch of flowers

[Bearbehind]

Ok then, I'll ask really nicely with no swear words - how have you concluded that the OP is just paying lip service to other posters?

[BettyBoo246]

How am I paying lip service - if I hadn't of had the change of mind you were saying I was stubborn and not listening but now I've seen a different perspective I'm paying lip service? Which outcome would please you then?

[RVPisnomore]

Having read the posts, in my opinion I don't think she has answered the point about what she's going to do. There is still the caveat of happy solution for all. That's all.

If she does change her mind then fair play to her, hopefully she'll relax and haven great time.

[BettyBoo246]

Because I've said I'm going to speak to mil and dh and also realised there are other ways round it from other posters. What the finer details are I'm not sure yet but it's opened my mind.
And I shall put my issue with dh aside for another day.

[RVPisnomore]

Good luck, hope whatever you decide works out.

[Bearbehind]

I hardly think finding 'a happy solution for all' is the worst caveat in the world - strange train of thought.

Glad you've discovered ways to make the day work Op - enjoy it.

[magentastardust]

Hope it all works out OP, and do have that chat with DH after the weekend so he knows you aren't happy with the free time ratio between the two of you.

[SelectAUserName]

Fair play OP, hope you all manage to enjoy the day.

[Peanut14]

I don't know what RVP is on about!

Nice one BettyBoo for coming back to say you have seen another perspective on the matter.

Hope it all works out for you

[diddl]

I think it is also being clouded by the husband.

If earlier childcare is needed, it makes sense to me not to stay so long at the evening do.

That's not an option for the husband, but doesn't the driver also have a say?

Hope you work something out, OP.

[JustGrrrrrreat]

I think that your current plan is a hood 1. But please do talk to your dh about his general behaviour as he is being a twat.

[RiverTam]

velveteen - I never went to a wedding as a child because my parents were the last of their friends/family to get married. Never realised I had such a deprived childhood (though I was always a bit miffed that I never got to be a bridemaid, unlike my sister ).

[SelectAUserName]

they'll be a generation of kids who have no idea what wedding ceremonies are all about

Good. Since weddings these days mostly seem to be about the ribbons on the party favours matching the exact shade of confetti that the doves are going to shower over the 17 identikit bridesmaids*, bring that generation on. They might eschew the excess and get back to the real meaning of weddings - two people pledging lifelong love and devotion to each other.

*Live by the generalisation, die by the generalisation.

[Amber76]

I got married a few years ago. We sort of had a child free wedding - children could come to service (we'd have preferred if they didn't but as we wanted our own child there we felt we couldn't refuse others) but not onto reception as venue really wasn't suitable for a number of reasons. Guests were informed of this a full twelve months in advance. We have over 20 nieces and nephews between us. We had our own toddler minded by a babysitter in a local hotel - she wouldn't have enjoyed a very long dinner, speeches, etc.

My brothers wife made such a fuss about it at the time. In a week running up to event she was saying she wouldn't go because her 16 month old wasn't invited - I said that was fine. In the end she did come - her child cried throughout the service and wasn't brought outside. She brought him to the reception and then made a big deal about the fact that she and her son would be going to the local hotel for their dinner. And then she returned with him afterwards - he cried throughout the fireworks, entertainment, etc. It was so incredibly childish of her. I can't wait for the next family wedding to see what she'll do!

[MaidOfStars]

I'd just like to say here that we had a child-free wedding, with just one bf babe-in-arms at the ceremony part only.

It wasn't a cost cutting exercise (we had an open budget). It wasn't because we don't like children (we adore our friends' children).

We wanted a child-free wedding because we wanted an intimate party of grown-ups, eating too many courses of delicious food (the full shebang, paired wines, liqueurs, cigars), in a venue that sported open fireplaces, lots of decorative sharpness and a Venetian glass floor (shredded knees anyone?), and most definitely didn't sport a single high chair, any baby-changing facilities or a children's menu.

I was certainly prepared for people not to be able to attend (or be unwilling to). I would never have pitched a fit if a guest declined. We knew what we wanted and if people were unable to share that with us, fine. Fortunately, only one couple with children declined, and that was ostensibly for an entirely unconnected reason.

[ILoveCoreyHaim]

I don't understand why people take kids to a child free wedding when they have been asked not to. It's fucking rude or even to kick up a fuss about no children. Personally I wouldn't have a CF wedding but that's my choice, if my DB wanted a CFW I would leave my kids with other in laws and not utter a word about it, if I couldn't get a sitter then I would look for paid childcare. Never been invited to one but been to plenty with screaming kids

[Alconleigh]

My university crowd have managed to produce 32 children under 8. They are nice kids and I have nothing against any of them but if I were to get married now that number would make it more like a child's party than anything else. So I can totally see why people opt for child free.

[LtEveDallas]

My worry for the OP is that she will have 'backed down' and her DH has 'got his own way' yet again. I worry about OP being married to a man who needs to go on the piss for 7 days, then has to go on the piss overnight the following weekend, then on the piss again the next weekend (without his DW again) plus his twice weekly football and pool nights, but complains, calling his wife "mardy, bitter and awkward" when she suggests leaving one of those events early.

I don't think those are the actions of a happily married family man, and I worry about what OP has on her plate. I think the DMIL is enabling this manchild and OP is questioning herself and her marriage. This thread is just a symptom of that.

I get that it's a wedding, and some people see that as far more important than I do, but TBH, what duties does a Best Man have at an evening function? I get that he's got stuff to do during the day - but all the weddings I've been to, once the first dance is announced that's the BM done.

At my DNeices wedding the BM was the father of the 2 year old. He and his wife retired to the quiet room (with the grannies ) once the meal was over (about 5pm) and stayed there until the child was taken to bed at about 8-9pm. It didn't detract from the day at all. One of the Bridesmaids was the mother of the 2 day old. Her and her DH didn't even make it to the evening do - they crashed out the minute the meal was over and we didn't see them again until breakfast. I'm still in awe of that woman!