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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want my 3yo to go to a petting farm without me

392 replies

pianointhedark · 02/06/2014 15:00

DD is 3.2. Her preschool are doing a trip to a petting farm, which I feel reluctant to let her go on.

My main concern is hygiene. With the best will in the world the staff cannot be watching all the children all the time, and obviously it would only take a moment for her hand to go into her mouth before it had been washed. Obviously I could impress upon her not to do that, but she's only 3 and I can't expect her to understand why or remember.

I did ask whether they needed any parent helpers, but the answer was no. I then told a little white lie - that DD can be wary of animals and for that reason I would prefer to be with her, but again the answer was no - apparently they can't allow one parent to go because then all will want to go and they're sure DD will be fine.

AIBU to not want her to go? Sometimes I worry that I am being overly PFB and would appreciate some MN perspective.

OP posts:
Notso · 02/06/2014 21:09

It was a joke whatever5 Hmm

SuburbanRhonda · 02/06/2014 21:15

Nope. I didn't suggest she went as a parent volunteer. She can look after her own daughter.

So are you saying she should tag along on a school trip, looking after her own daughter? Or are you saying she should go another day, just her and her DD, when her presence can prevent an accident. Because I think the nursery staff would be understandably annoyed of they said categorically that they didn't need any more helpers, but the OP decided this didn't apply to her and turned up anyway to look after her own daughter.

I mean seriously, do parents really do that?

The OP mentioned volunteering for the trip, hence why this is being discussed alongside the risk issue.

MissBeehiving · 02/06/2014 21:18

Don't 50% of supermarket trolley handles carry ecoli (except for Waitrose, natch)

BugaAB00 · 02/06/2014 21:24

The E. Coli got onto the lettuce via animal faeces, so although leafy veg are a risk, bringing young kids to a petting farm changes the relative risk.

Tearsofthemushroom · 02/06/2014 21:24

My DD caught E. coli when we went for a picnic on Dartmoor and she unknowingly must have come into contact with some horse dung. It developed into HUS and she ended in hospital on dialysis.

She is fine now, thankfully, but I have never let that dreadful experience let me hold her back from experiencing life, petting farms and playing with her best friend who lives on a farm. The fear is not worth it IMHO.

Iseesheep · 02/06/2014 21:25

I don't think the OP should do anything. It was just a possible solution. Although I can't see the problem with having a parent tagging along. It's not as though they'd be causing them more work is it? I'd agree with a no parent rule for school (confidence building, independence etc) but would be a bit surprised if a nursery enforced it.

Moving around a lot has seen my kids go through countless nurseries all over the world. Not one would have objected to a parent coming along, either as a helper or just to be with their child. At least one of those nurseries insisted that all parents who were available went!

caroldecker · 02/06/2014 21:26

average 80 cases from 2 million visits - govnt advice

You could check the nusery have read this

SuburbanRhonda · 02/06/2014 21:51

Although I can't see the problem with having a parent tagging along. It's not as though they'd be causing them more work is it?

You would not be saying that if you had ever taken children on a trip as a member of staff.

Notso · 02/06/2014 21:53

Totally agree SuburbanRhonda

Iseesheep · 02/06/2014 22:09

Using your turn of phrase you wouldn't say the OP is neurotic/unreasonable/whatever if you'd been hospitalised with E.coli. You'd understand her concerns.

I have worked in pre-schools in the past (chequered career path!) and taken children out on trips and never found parents coming along an issue but if it would upset some, fair enough.

SuburbanRhonda · 02/06/2014 22:18

I haven't said the OP is either neurotic or unreasonable, sheep.

It's not a question of upsetting people. It's a question of treating children equally. The OP didn't say her DD has special needs, she either wants 1:1 supervision for (only) her child, or she wants to go on the trip herself because of her own anxieties.

And what would happen if she did just "tag along"? Would she follow the same timetable as the others? Eat at the same time, take her child to the toilet at the same time? If not, how would this be explained to the other children - that they had to follow instructions from the adults, but the OP and her DD could just do as they pleased?

And most important, what if the OP had an accident on the trip? Who would be responsible for looking after her DD then? That'll be the nursery staff, then.

pasbeaucoupdegendarme · 02/06/2014 22:23

I took my dd with a ratio of 1:1 to a petting farm. I turned around to put something in the bag and turned back to see her kissing a goat on the nose. Same happened with a rabbit. She's survived.

I think it's a shame for her to miss the trip.

Downamongtherednecks · 02/06/2014 23:41

oblomov I meant I sometimes felt pfb-ish, and I am sure most parents felt this at some time or another. I am lucky enough, like you, to be very relaxed and able to quantify risk and make decisions. The op may relax as time goes by until like me, she is letting the dogs babysit the children

Catsize · 02/06/2014 23:53

How much do your dogs charge downamong?

FullySwindonian · 03/06/2014 00:06

Just don't let her go.
If she's upset, take her yourself another time.
Problem solved.

Really, all this Mumsnet nonsense another being 'precious' and 'controlling' their development and freedom, do you really care what a bunch of strangers think? They certainly do not influence my decisions.

Parentingfailure · 03/06/2014 00:07

I totally understand your fears OP. I've worked with a lot of children needing dialysis/transplants after catching ecoli at petting farms
I was super paranoid about mine going.
I think people are being very harsh.

Downamongtherednecks · 03/06/2014 01:42

catsize I don't pay the dogs. But I do order a big enough pizza so the dc and the ddogs can share it, while all sitting on the sofa watching a movie together. proof I am definitely not worried about animal germs

Ecolimum · 03/06/2014 07:44

All these stories of "my kid licked a goat and is absolutely fine" are not relevant as far as I'm concerned.
My child caught Ecoli which developed into HUS from a sibling who had been at a petting farm. Sibling has Ecoli but was asymptomatic and just a carrier. Did we take precautions? Yes, we did. But that didn't stop our child nearly dying and spending 3 weeks in hospital.
Did we return to petting farms? Yes we did. But with a huge amount of vigilance. In fact only 6 months later the sibling went on a school trip to a farm.
However, that was our choice, with full knowledge of the risks. For those whose kids happily lick sheep, do bear my story in mind.

Original poster
pianointhedark · 03/06/2014 07:57

I'm sorry to hear stories about children who have contracted E Coli, and they do make me feel that this is the right decision.

If the preschool judge me for not sending DD then so be it - as long as they don't treat her any differently, then it doesn't matter.

I did chuckle at the comment that if I asked to see a risk assessment they might think I'm not very bright. I'm not going to ask to see it, but it strikes me that asking to see a risk assessment is not the action of a stupid parent. Caveat - I am NOT saying that people who unquestioningly send their children to petting farms are stupid, but it's usually bright people who DO ask questions in life.

OP posts:
thegreylady · 03/06/2014 08:10

All the ones I have been to have hand gel by every pen and little sinks and towels. When I have been there school parties are lined up after each group of animals and teachers supervise hand cleaning. I don't think you need worry too much.

Sirzy · 03/06/2014 08:28

Why aren't you going to ask to see the risk assessment? That will show just how much consideration they have put into the trip.

Having risk assessed numerous trips to farms for young children I find that generally they are much safer than the trips when I take DS on my own because you find yourself considering every little aspect - seriously a 4 page risk assessment for a one day trip to the farm! On the trip I spend half my time supervising/assisting with the washing and drying of hands. The staff at each of the farms we have visited are very much aware of the risks and pushing the hand washing side too.

Seriously the risk is minimal.

candycoatedwaterdrops · 03/06/2014 08:41

The risk of contracting this type of E Coli is 0.004%. So yes, there is a risk but a tiny one. I think you are being very unreasonable to not let her go due to this tiny risk.

candycoatedwaterdrops · 03/06/2014 08:43

You weren't prepared to listen anyway, so not sure why you even bothered asking if you were BU. Hmm

chocolateWaffles · 03/06/2014 09:02

DD is 20 months and has kissed a goat and laid her face against a pig in the past week. These sort of things are a regular occurrence yet she's still alive.. She is extremely healthy actually! she has had a couple of colds and that's been it illness-wise.

So I'm sure if she does happen to suck her hand (not sure how likely a 3 year old is to do that either?) then she'll be absolutely fine.

saoirse31 · 03/06/2014 09:19

I wonder what the next thing is which you'll not allow her to do. Can understand your concern but think you are being unreasonable.

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