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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have asked her not to tell dcs?

258 replies

Edenviolet · 31/05/2014 22:44

Dsis has recently become a vegetarian after apparently seeing some horrific films about animals not stunned before slaughter. She is also very vocal about standards being high for animals etc ( eg she won't eat barn eggs only free range-more on that later...)

She started today to tell my dcs that she is vegetarian and I had to stop her explaining why as I don't want them saying they want to be as well (hard enough to get them to eat as it is and I don't want another food issue or have to cook different meals).
I also didnt want them upset about the stunning/slaughtering that she was just about to mention.

As far as I'm concerned all they need to know is that auntie doesn't eat meat, not the exact reasons why.
She started talking about chickens and how only free range eggs will do and dd1 checked our ones and said they were barn eggs and dsis shook her head and explained how unhappy the chickens would have been.

I have no issue with dsis being vegetarian, if she comes to our house I'm happy to provide the right food for her and I understand what led her to make her decision but I don't want her 'lecturing' my dcs about it, and it really does seem like a lecture when she starts talking about it .
She even went through the cupboard to see which sweets have gelatine in and ds1 asked why and she started to explain but I stopped her again as I didn't want dd2 put off any of them.

OP posts:

PrincessBabyCat · 01/06/2014 15:49

You buy barn eggs? Is the 30-40p difference really that important to you?

I hope every item you buy is fair trade and organic.

The little bit extra adds up when you have a shopping cart full of food.

CarmineRose1978 · 01/06/2014 15:50

I actually meant you're more invested in the question of vegetarianism vs meat eating, since you've posted quite a lot on this thread. Which is why I think you may be misinterpreting the post.

PrincessBabyCat · 01/06/2014 15:53

Also: Free range isn't better than barn. It's a deceitful marketing gimmick. All the have to do is cram chicken in a barn instead of in a metal crate. There's not much difference as far as treatment goes.

SuburbanRhonda · 01/06/2014 15:54

I thought it was just that we don't agree, carmine? That's what I normally put differences of opinion down to. Not one person being wrong and the other right.

I feel strongly about some issues and post a lot on those threads, while never posting on others I'm not interested in. Pretty much like most MNetters, surely?

CarmineRose1978 · 01/06/2014 16:01

Well, I think you're wrong. That doesn't mean I'm right of course! Just that I think I am. Isn't that what disagreements are about?

I'm not saying it's wrong to be invested at all... Just that on this topic, I'm not, so I think it more likely that I haven't misread the poster's intention. I thought she was giving a simplistic answer that she thought would be suitable for a youngish child. You thought she was being sarcastic and scoring points off a child. However, I could very well be underestimating my own biases.

I'm very invested in other topics, just not vegetarianism or meat eating. Apparently I am invested in trying to get my point across.

whois · 01/06/2014 16:07

the DC will have to eat family meals til they have the resources to buy separate food if they wish to be veggie/vegan etc

Wow. How small minded and petty this is.

It's not difficult to cook for a veggie and cheaper than meat too! Vegan is a lot harder to cater for though but would do if my DC felt so strongly.

I eat meat but DP doesn't and hadn't since he was about and started to question the ethical situation.

SuburbanRhonda · 01/06/2014 16:08

X-post, carmine

Igggi · 01/06/2014 16:08

My ds doesn't wonder why his gps eat dead animals, he wonders why they eat dead animals
So yes, the reply did seem a bit sarky to me too.

SuburbanRhonda · 01/06/2014 16:11

Your italics put it better than I've been able to so far, igggi

Delphiniumsblue · 01/06/2014 16:18

I think that it is one of those things we have to differ on. I don't mind who is vegetarian, who is vegan or who eats meat-and will cater for them all. What I do object to is those who have to convert others as if their way is 'right'. There is nothing that sets up people's backs more. If you want to convert you need to set the example quietly.
I was brought up in the countryside with many relations who are farmers and I don't find it in the least cruel and I know that what I eat is well cared for and humanely killed. I can't see how me giving up my ethically and locally produced meat is going to have any impact at all on factory farming! All it will do is put the little farm/butcher out of business and leave the industry to the big concerns. Surely far more effective to get our meat locally and support the local producer?
I can't see why vegan is any harder to cater for than vegetarian. I have tons of recipes for both and often cook them- because I like them. (But apparently liking a food isn't a reason for eating it!)

dancinggerald · 01/06/2014 16:34

the DC will have to eat family meals til they have the resources to buy separate food if they wish to be veggie/vegan etc

What if I, as a vegetarian with vegetarian children, said that at the age of 12 they'll be forced to be vegetarian until they can fund the purchase of meat products? What if they were vegan?

I became vegetarian at the age of 7. Still am, 30 years later. My children (oldest is 6) know where meat comes from and why I've chosen not to eat it, although not in detail abiout stunning and slaughter methods. They know the answers to the questions they have asked. So YANBU to ask dsis to respect your choices in the way you raise your children. But YABU not to respect the children's right to make an informed decision, at the older ones' ages. Do they want the information? If they asked, I'd tell them - but I'd deal with it yourself before dsis does - and if you want them to eat meat, explain to them why.

SuburbanRhonda · 01/06/2014 16:36

delph, I wonder if there would be fewer vegetarians if meat production was as you describe it. I became vegetarian decades ago because of how I felt about factory farming. Having said that, I love my vegetarian diet and can't imagine going back to meat-eating now.

IME, there are evangelists on both sides of the fence, and none of the vegetarians I hang out with are in the slightest bit bothered about converting anyone.

dancinggerald · 01/06/2014 16:47

Same here rhonda - i'd have no ethical problem with eating meat if it was farmed and slaughtered humanely. But I probably wouldn't, just because I don't consider it any more, it's been so long since I ate it.

As a vegetarian though, with meat-eating dh and vegetarian children, we decided that they can choose for themselves when they are old enough to understand the issues involved. I think the oldest has understood, and if he wanted to eat meat, I'd be fine with that. It's not a big deal.

OP, sorry, I'd missed the post where you talked to your oldest, and think you dealt with it really well. So YANBU to want to make your own decisions about your own children.

PrincessBabyCat · 01/06/2014 16:51

What if I, as a vegetarian with vegetarian children, said that at the age of 12 they'll be forced to be vegetarian until they can fund the purchase of meat products? What if they were vegan?

I think that's actually what most vegetarians do. Unless Rhonda wants to correct me that she'll happily buy her children meat and cook it for them.

Most vegetarians I know won't allow meat in their house, but won't object to their child buying their meat at a food stand (burger and fries).

It's expensive to cater to a separate diet on both sides.

It's not as easy for meat eaters to just "cook for a veggie and cheaper than meat too!" unless the whole family is doing it. Otherwise you have to buy extra food to make sure the child is still eating a full meal.

You can't just make your normal meal and then take out the meat as people keep trying to cry about. You have to actually cook extra and spend extra or your child won't get the balanced diet they need.

intheenddotcom · 01/06/2014 17:16

It's not difficult to cook for a veggie and cheaper than meat too! - only really if everyone in the family is eating it. So you are essentially saying that one person gets to force their choice on everyone in the household.

I'm slightly worried that the general mumsnet view recently seems to be that the vegan/veg choice trumps the choice to eat meat simply because both parties may be able to eat a veg/vegan meal.

Delphiniumsblue · 01/06/2014 17:17

It costs more which is why I eat less of it- and more vegetarian to even it out. It is price that stops people.

Delphiniumsblue · 01/06/2014 17:19

It is my favourite vegetarian cookbook that is falling apart from use-and I am a meat eater!
I suspect that a lot of people simply don't like vegetables, pulses, nuts etc.

motherinferior · 01/06/2014 17:24

I see vegetarianism as a moral choice and one I approve of - of at any rate can't argue my way out of - so yes, my daughter's decision not to eat animal flesh does trump my liking for it. Also I love and respect my daughter and don't want her to be deeply unhappy.

PrincessBabyCat · 01/06/2014 17:32

I'm slightly worried that the general mumsnet view recently seems to be that the vegan/veg choice trumps the choice to eat meat simply because both parties may be able to eat a veg/vegan meal.

They can both eat meat and a vegetarian meal. The human body is designed to digest both. Vegetarians don't want to eat meat in the same way meat eaters don't want to eat only agriculture.

Agriculture supports human exploitation and child labor. Meat supports animal cruelty.

Unless these vegetarians are home growing their own food or buying them from farmers markets they have no moral high ground anymore than a meat eater does.

Itsfab · 01/06/2014 17:38

General mumsnet view is a really annoying phrase. Mumsnet is a website. It doesn't have a view. It just so happens that there are many people on here with the same view. It isn't a "MN" view.

Delphiniumsblue · 01/06/2014 17:53

It always makes me smile to think there is a 'MN view' as if there was ever a consensus on anything.

Very true PrincessBabyCat.

Igggi · 01/06/2014 18:30

Rhonda
I can't even say it's because they're from a different generation, as his much older other gran is veggie!

fifi669 · 01/06/2014 18:31

When I said about changing the family's diet on the whim of a child.... Vegetarianism isn't a whim if you really mean it. Children can and do change their minds. One child isn't dictating to the rest of the family full stop, let alone when I don't know if it's for the long haul.

My pescatarian DP said the children have to eat what's made. I'm a meat eater and have a softer view that they can decide once they're of secondary school age and I'll accommodate it.

motherinferior · 01/06/2014 18:54

There are four of us in this house and we all live here - I don't see my daughter's vegetarianism as a "child dictating to us". In any case I work quite enough on health and diet to know that it's not a good idea to eat a huge amount of meat or dairy in any case.

SuburbanRhonda · 01/06/2014 19:12

igggi, but I'm sure they're proud of him for having his own views at such a young age and feeling comfortable expressing them

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