To have asked her not to tell dcs?

[Edenviolet]

Dsis has recently become a vegetarian after apparently seeing some horrific films about animals not stunned before slaughter. She is also very vocal about standards being high for animals etc ( eg she won't eat barn eggs only free range-more on that later...)

She started today to tell my dcs that she is vegetarian and I had to stop her explaining why as I don't want them saying they want to be as well (hard enough to get them to eat as it is and I don't want another food issue or have to cook different meals).
I also didnt want them upset about the stunning/slaughtering that she was just about to mention.

As far as I'm concerned all they need to know is that auntie doesn't eat meat, not the exact reasons why.
She started talking about chickens and how only free range eggs will do and dd1 checked our ones and said they were barn eggs and dsis shook her head and explained how unhappy the chickens would have been.

I have no issue with dsis being vegetarian, if she comes to our house I'm happy to provide the right food for her and I understand what led her to make her decision but I don't want her 'lecturing' my dcs about it, and it really does seem like a lecture when she starts talking about it .
She even went through the cupboard to see which sweets have gelatine in and ds1 asked why and she started to explain but I stopped her again as I didn't want dd2 put off any of them.

I had a friend at school who used to do that, drove everyone mad. In the end, I said "If you don't like my dinner, sit where you can't see it." And she soon stopped.
I don't think you are BU. It's your house, they're your kids and she should respect that. If you want to tell your kids all their food comes from a cloud fairy that's your lookout, although they won't thank you for it.
I would say the 12yr old can probably make her own mind up, and encourage your sister to give advice if she asks but if the younger ones have food issues, my priority would be making sure they have a balanced diet first, they can worry about where it comes from later on.
But if they are already aware, could you maybe make a few subtle changes like buying free range eggs (which taste SO much better and are hardly any more expensive) and checking if the sweets have the Vegetarian symbol on them. That way, they probably won't even notice and you won't have as many issues.

I'm a vegetarian, as is DSs dad. I wanted my DS to choose to be a vegetarian and he was until he was 3 and wanted to eat some lamb skewer thing on a BBQ. DS has autism and severe learning disabilities but I still let him make his own choice. I told him everything in child friendly terms, but he didn't understand/care

So that's that, he made his own choice with all the facts and I accepted that because I'm his mum, not his owner. I made my own choices at 11 anyway.

If they ask I'd tell them the truth and let them make their own choices. It is a ballache making different meals, and DS has a lot of needs as well but it's not really my place to tell him what he can and can't believe.

I'm not a huge meat eater but I do eat meat. I never buy battery eggs and I generally avoid pork. If I do buy it I buy the organic product - I'm not ethically opposed to eating meat but I hate the idea of an animal as intelligent as my dog spending its life in a tiny dark cage. I don't have any issues with eating beef (though I barely ever do) or lamb as I can see the conditions these animals live in here in NZ and it looks pretty nice to me! I don't think there's anything wrong with kids learning about where their food comes from but it sounds like your sister is being a bit hysterical. I do think YABU for still buying barn eggs, it's a vile industry.

I should just make sure that they know where their food comes from. I used to take mine to the farm shop and from the start they knew that they saw the pigs outside and they were in the sausages inside. I grew up visiting farming relatives and if we were going to have chicken my aunt went out and killed one.
They will make up their own mind anyway.
If they do get influenced by her I would tell them that is fine but they will have to actually eat the vegetarian meals that you cook and you are not putting up with them being fussy eaters.
I wouldn't worry. Anyone as evangelistic as your sister becomes boring.

*What if the young child of a vegetarian couple decided they wanted to start eating meat all of a sudden?

Would anyone say that couple should go out and buy it and cook it for the child, purely because that's what the child wants?*

That is what my friends did/do. They are vegetarian (as are we). One of their children isn't. Yes, they will buy/cook him meat and obviously when they eat out/have takeaways, he has meat.

My children eat fish - DH & i don't. I buy fish for them. They know I think it is rank and smells like cat food and I feel sorry for the poor little fishes. But they like fish.

See worra, it really isn't hard, if you actually like the members of your family. Some people talk about their children as if they were the enemy within that must be suppressed, controlled and made to conform.

I agree ithaka. I am amazed at the people who make up their own mind and expect their child to follow- despite the fact they didn't follow their mother!
You bring them up the way that suits you but the sure thing is that they will make up their own mind.
Lots of meat eaters have vegetarian children and vice versa- it is no big deal. I have plenty of vegetarian friends who cook meat for the rest of the family and even more who eat meat and do vegetarian for one member.
Even if they can't bring themselves to cook it they can sit and watch the child eat meat at friends or in a restaurant.

Strict control will make the child do the opposite!

See, this is why I left the thread. People had stopped reading posts properly and were answering questions or points that hadn't actually been raised.

I never said that the whole family trying out a meal suitable for vegetarians would mean they were suddenly vegetarian. I said it would broaden their horizons and show them that it's possible to eat delicious, healthy meals with no meat, fish or animal products in them. Millions of us cook and eat such meals every day.

It just seemed like a good compromise for the aunt and uncle princess describes, who seemed like dyed-in-the-wool meat eaters, unable to countenance meeting their child's preferences half-way.

I agree ithaka. I am amazed at the people who make up their own mind and expect their child to follow- despite the fact they didn't follow their mother!

As I said way upthread, doesn't every parent make that decision for their child until they're old enough to express a preference and / or help with the cooking? It's not just vegetarians who choose what the family eats

'why do granny and grampa eat dead animals

for the poster who was wondering how to answer that, you could try explaining that granny and grampa don't want to eat the animals while said animals are still alive? Carnivores kill before eating. Or you could try saying 'granny and grampa are like lions, they eat meat, whereas we are like cows, we only eat grass'.

So many things wrong with this post. kawliga, would you really answer a child's genuine question in such a sarcastic manner? And would you be happy to give them such a wealth of misinformation as to compare omnivorous humans with carnivorous lions, and vegetarians with herbivores?

Wouldn't you worry that when the child grew up up found out the facts for themself, they would think you had been a bit of a twat?

Do you look on the people you know who eat meat with a bit less respect than you would do the equivalent veggie friend?

agent, I answered this point at 23:41:14 yesterday

If I'm totally honest, I think if I watched the films of how meat is produced I would be gutted and would feel bad ever eating meat again. So I don't watch them because I like meat. We are real meat lovers in our house. Dd is 12 and knows roughly what goes on but also doesn't wish to know the details. She eats more meat than anyone I know, we call her Olaf the Viking :)

I think anyone is entitled to believe in whatever they wish, as long as they don't expect me to believe the same thing. Same with food, you can be a meat eater, veggie, vegan, pescitarian, whatever you like. Just don't expect me to be the same. There isn't one right way to be.

Gosh I really want a bacon butty now :)

Sorry I haven't read all this but I think yabu. Give your children all the info and let them make up their own mind. I'm vegetarian, have been since I was 8 and saw a film on animal s being slaughtered. I explained to mine, mine ate meat until they were old enough to have a opinion. My eldest won't touch meat either, my eldest ds has decided he will. I have no issue with either.

I'm wasn't saying just remove the meat. I meant make balanced vegetarian meals. Meat is an unnecessary addition. It is not the cornerstone of the meal. So it is equivalent to liking or not liking any other food.

If your children are asking her why, then I see nothing wrong with her asking truthfully.

I think it is strange that you don't want your 12 year old to know where her food comes from.

FWIW children do very well on a vegetarian diet. In fact there is a lot of evidence to show it is healthier.

I agree, better, but if you look at princess's description:

A typical "meat" meal:
- Grilled chicken breast
- Side of Corn
- Side of Rice

And then at her comment that rice is a "vege", you can see why people might not get how vegetarian meals are put together .

Hard to believe that this is still the case in the 21st century, though

Of course they do SurburbanRhonda- that wasn't my point.
My point was that once they get to about 8 yrs they will make up their own mind.
If asked why granny and grandpa eat dead animals I would simple say because they like them- the same reason anyone eats anything!

If asked why granny and grandpa eat dead animals I would simple say because they like them- the same reason anyone eats anything!

Yes, that would be about right, wouldn't it, unless, like kawliga, you were trying to score points against a child.

I really don't think kawliga was being sarcastic or trying to score points against a child. I though s/he was trying to suggest a child-friendly way of explaining why some people like to eat meat.

I have spoken to dd1 (not the others as only dd1 raised the subject again) as she asked when dh was cooking breakfast why exactly dsis is now vegetarian.
I explained that, as she already knows where meat is from does she mind that she is eating an animal and she replied "no, not really" I gently explained that sometimes some animals raised for the meat industry are not treated as kindly as others. I told her that due to this some people choose not to eat meat at all and others choose to source meat from places where they know the animals have had a good life and were killed after being treated with respect and stunned beforehand so that they didnt feel any pain.

I told her it would be her choice and she said she will have a think but she isn't sure. Then she asked will dsis change back to eating meat or not.

Guess I just have to wait and see now.

Read the post again, carmine.

She emphasised the "dead" part, rather than the "animals" part, pretending that she misunderstood the child's question. She then compared human omnivores with lions, who only eat meat, and vegetarians with cows, who only eat grass. Fobbing a child off with sarcasm and inaccuracies is pathetic, IMVHO, when she could easily have said they eat meat because they like the taste.

OP, I think it's great that this thread has prompted you to have a conversation with your DD about meat and where it comes from.

Obviously the some animals raised for the meat industry are not treated as kindly as others bit is rather disingenuous, but the true story might be a bit much for a Sunday morning!

She's lucky to have a mum who's prepared to take her questions seriously

Your sister seems to like to stir things up

I think you're right, giraffes, but as we can see from the OP's latest post, some good came out of it.

Yes, she does! Once she has an opinion on something she is always determined to make everybody else hear about it and agree with it!