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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have asked her not to tell dcs?

258 replies

Edenviolet · 31/05/2014 22:44

Dsis has recently become a vegetarian after apparently seeing some horrific films about animals not stunned before slaughter. She is also very vocal about standards being high for animals etc ( eg she won't eat barn eggs only free range-more on that later...)

She started today to tell my dcs that she is vegetarian and I had to stop her explaining why as I don't want them saying they want to be as well (hard enough to get them to eat as it is and I don't want another food issue or have to cook different meals).
I also didnt want them upset about the stunning/slaughtering that she was just about to mention.

As far as I'm concerned all they need to know is that auntie doesn't eat meat, not the exact reasons why.
She started talking about chickens and how only free range eggs will do and dd1 checked our ones and said they were barn eggs and dsis shook her head and explained how unhappy the chickens would have been.

I have no issue with dsis being vegetarian, if she comes to our house I'm happy to provide the right food for her and I understand what led her to make her decision but I don't want her 'lecturing' my dcs about it, and it really does seem like a lecture when she starts talking about it .
She even went through the cupboard to see which sweets have gelatine in and ds1 asked why and she started to explain but I stopped her again as I didn't want dd2 put off any of them.

OP posts:
EndoplasmicReticulum · 31/05/2014 22:47

How old are your children? I think that makes a difference.

Do they not know where their food comes from?

rideyourbike · 31/05/2014 22:49

Your sister sounds a bit evangelical! I only buy free range eggs and meat, but what other people do is their business, not mine. Maybe speak to her in private and explain how you felt and your reasons for eating the "offending" items!

Backtobedlam · 31/05/2014 22:50

I would feel uncomfortable about this. If the dc's ask a question I answer it honestly, they know they are eating animals but don't really dwell on it. However, this is more than that-it's not then questioning anything, it's her choosing to preach her beliefs to them. I think you were right to stop her.

theeternalstudent · 31/05/2014 22:50

I say let your children decide for themselves. How can it be a bad thing if they have information about how food is produced, even if it's the ugly side of meet production. They will find out about it anyway.

I think I would be proud of my DD if she decided that she wanted to be a vegetarian for ethical reasons. It may make some challenges when it came to meal preparation but life is full of challenges. Question is how you're going to deal with them.

HolidayCriminal · 31/05/2014 22:51

yanbu. The thing is, she's not just telling them why, she's evangelising about it.
I hate evangelising (over exposure when I was young!)
She'll probably hate you stopping her doing it.

SantanaLopez · 31/05/2014 22:52

Aunty doesn't eat meat is fine, but going into stunning and slaughtering is too much, YANBU.

Original poster
Edenviolet · 31/05/2014 22:52

12,7,4 and 2

Dd1 is the oldest and knows meat is from animals but very very little about what happens in between the farm and her plate (she's a bit sensitive) I don't want her either upset and becoming vegetarian or trying to copy dsis (who she idolises)

Ds1 and dd2 would be upset if dsis had carried on about the slaughtering aspect and ds2 is little so wouldn't have understood. All dcs have some problems and I just want them all eating a healthy balanced diet plus due to health/allergies I have to do enough different meals as it is!

OP posts:
HelenHen · 31/05/2014 22:54

Yanbu... That's pretty annoying and disrespectful!

Janethegirl · 31/05/2014 22:56

Alternatively OP, tell your children about how animals are killed, chicken kept etc in non emotive terms before your dsis does. Then explain that humans are omnivorous and why, but your dsis has chosen to not eat animals, but you think children need to eat meat for optimal growth and development ( I know dcs can be safely vege but you seem to want yours to eat meat!!)

Janethegirl · 31/05/2014 22:57

Sorry x posted

intheenddotcom · 31/05/2014 22:57

12 is fine - she is going to learn it in school.

The others she shouldn't be preaching to, they are too young to make their own decisions.

Original poster
Edenviolet · 31/05/2014 23:00

I'm not against any of my dcs deciding to be vegetarian in the future, I just want it to be their own decision rather than one made due to either wanting to copy dsis or because they've been frightened into it with stories of animals being slaughtered.

Ds1 is so underweight due to a restricted diet anyway I wouldn't want him cutting another food group out and when dsis started about the gelatine in sweets I was really annoyed as the last thing I want is dd2 put off them (they are for hypo treatments if she refuses the usual juice or dextrose tablets) and dsis knows all this.

OP posts:
PixieofCatan · 31/05/2014 23:02

I was younger than your oldest when I started researching it myself tbh, I was a veggie from the age of 5 (my choice) and before I was in high school I knew about gelatine, exactly what it was, and had seen some videos of peta's that I wish I hadn't watched! It's something that your eldest will probably start looking into independently now that her aunt is vegetarian and militant passionate about it.

It might be worth talking to your children about it properly, so that you have a chance to answer questions that they may have honestly and properly, rather than your sister evangelising, which won't actually help. I wish that I'd been able to talk to my parents about how I felt about it back then but they weren't really interested.

SuburbanRhonda · 31/05/2014 23:03

jane, even if the OP wants her DCs to eat meat for convenience, she shouldn't tell them children "need to eat meat for optimal growth and development", unless she says it is just her view, not an actual fact.

The 2- and 4- year-olds probably wouldn't know the difference between fact and opinion, though, so I would advise sticking to known facts.

WorraLiberty · 31/05/2014 23:03

YANBU, I hate preachers.

Ask her if she's happy with baby calves being ripped away from their mothers within 24hrs of being born...often leaving the cows literally howling and searching for their newborns.

If she's happy with cows spending their reasonably short lives being overmilked like a machine and then slaughtered...or the male calves being slaughtered for veal.

Ask her what she thinks happens to the male chickens that don't lay eggs

Then tell her if she's going to preach about animal cruelty, she best become a vegan...

SuburbanRhonda · 31/05/2014 23:05

worra, you hate preachers, but you're advising the OP to preach to her DSis about the dairy industry?

Confused
ICanSeeTheSun · 31/05/2014 23:06

I say don't let food become an issue.

The reality is what your sister is saying is right. You would have no issue over her telling the DC about how a carrot is grown or where rice is from. What is the difference with meat.

WorraLiberty · 31/05/2014 23:06

I'm not advising the OP to preach at all

I'm advising her to ask her sister those questions, I thought I made that clear?

SuburbanRhonda · 31/05/2014 23:07

No, the way you frame the questions is preaching, worra.

ICanSeeTheSun · 31/05/2014 23:07

Sub why not, that is the truth.

Janethegirl · 31/05/2014 23:07

Exactly worra

nickelbabe · 31/05/2014 23:08

have to say your 12yo is pkenty old enough to know how animals are raised and killed.
I was 13 when I becake vegetarian, so I think they're old enough

and yabu to have barn eggs. chickens really do suffer. free range doesn't cost that much more and it's worth it for the ethics.

dh eats meat and i make sure he buys the more ethical ones.
and dd is vegetarian and will know age-appropriately the way aninals are raised and killed and what food is and wgere it cones from.
I also think your 7yo is old enough to start to learn this stuff too.

WorraLiberty · 31/05/2014 23:09

Then we'll have to agree to disagree on that Rhonda

I would genuinely like to hear the OP's sister's answers to those questions, to see how she 'squares' her dairy consumption.

deakymom · 31/05/2014 23:09

the 12/7 year old has most likely learned all about this in school the sweets she should know better about and you can get some without beef gelatine in anyway so would be a non issue once explained properly

evangelising about it is not on trying to convert children with food issues is not on someone explained to my daughter exactly where ham came from when she was 2/3 years old she didn't eat any meat for months im lucky i used to be veg so i know how to cook it so she was healthy but still there was no need to get graphic on her sweet ass she thought it came from tesco FGS i needed that sweetness to last she was so flippin advanced i was happy she was naive about something (just um realised im ranting obviously unresolved issues from 11 years ago! Grin)

anyway have a chat yourself with them in an age appropriate way you might have to cook a few veggie meals but they will be omnivores again in no time

CoffeeTea103 · 31/05/2014 23:09

Yanbu! She's only recently become a vegetarian so all of a sudden she's holier than thou Hmm tell her it's not her place and you won't discuss it.