To have asked her not to tell dcs?

[Edenviolet]

Dsis has recently become a vegetarian after apparently seeing some horrific films about animals not stunned before slaughter. She is also very vocal about standards being high for animals etc ( eg she won't eat barn eggs only free range-more on that later...)

She started today to tell my dcs that she is vegetarian and I had to stop her explaining why as I don't want them saying they want to be as well (hard enough to get them to eat as it is and I don't want another food issue or have to cook different meals).
I also didnt want them upset about the stunning/slaughtering that she was just about to mention.

As far as I'm concerned all they need to know is that auntie doesn't eat meat, not the exact reasons why.
She started talking about chickens and how only free range eggs will do and dd1 checked our ones and said they were barn eggs and dsis shook her head and explained how unhappy the chickens would have been.

I have no issue with dsis being vegetarian, if she comes to our house I'm happy to provide the right food for her and I understand what led her to make her decision but I don't want her 'lecturing' my dcs about it, and it really does seem like a lecture when she starts talking about it .
She even went through the cupboard to see which sweets have gelatine in and ds1 asked why and she started to explain but I stopped her again as I didn't want dd2 put off any of them.

This thread has got me thinking now

What if the young child of a vegetarian couple decided they wanted to start eating meat all of a sudden?

Would anyone say that couple should go out and buy it and cook it for the child, purely because that's what the child wants?

Or would they say the child should wait until they can shop and cook for themselves?

I kind of meant adults, igggi!

My DCs have also always been vegetarian. When they were very small, I found it amusing that people felt ok saying I was imposing my views on them - as if every parent doesn't do that with every child! Somehow, it seemed to be fine to choose to feed your child meat - that wouldn't be imposing your views on them - but being vegetarian crossed a line.

Never really understood it, and in the end I stopped trying to.

Or would they say the child should wait until they can shop and cook for themselves?

They could be horrible parents and ask them to buy the meat themselves.

Fair enough, princess, maybe I should have said what they did was horrible, because I think it was.

Not quite on the same level as calling someone stupid, but we're probably splitting hairs now.

'why do granny and grampa eat dead animals '

I can't help but wonder Igggi if that's how your DS talks about meat at school?

If he does, how does that go down with the other DC?

Agentzigzag if the child is upset by knowing the truth of what she is eating then doesn't that show that she doesn't want to be eating it? And therefore the op is only lying to get her to eat it just for her convenience?
From as soon as they can speak I would explain exactly what food is. If I'm not going to lie about where a carrot comes from why would I lie about anything else? I was a very sensitive child but this is something the child can help improve! Don't show her bloody pictures but if she chooses not to eat meat then she is doing something empowering against something that is upsetting. Scaring a child with no purpose is horrible. Telling them the truth about something that directly impacts on them is a good thing! My mum explained to me about BSE and although it wasn't nice I made the choice not to eat beef from then on and in glad I did.

Fair enough, princess, maybe I should have said what they did was horrible, because I think it was.

Yes, but just because a child wants something, why does the parent have to do it?

Different question, if your children wanted a luxury that they didn't need, would you make them pay for it themselves with weekly allowance money or would you just buy it for them?

Most parents I know would make their children buy an extra toy they wanted, why is food so different?

That's what your aunt and uncle would have done, princess - good answer.

What I did when a school friend of DD's came round for tea and said the only thing she would eat in her sandwiches was ham or turkey was that I bought some organic ham for her, and sent what was left home with her mum. I wouldn't do the same for an adult, though, as I think most adults are more willing to be flexible about what they eat and I'm a good cook

I'm not sure I get your comparison between a child wanting a luxury item and a child thinking about what they eat and deciding to be vegetarian because they believe it to be the right thing for them to do.

Food is life-sustaining and therefore essential. Toys aren't.

Itsbetter, my DDs would be upset if they knew what really went on in the society they have to live in, it doesn't mean I have to signpost it for them.

Telling them about a carrot growing in a field isn't quite the same as the suffering of something that's alive/possibly fluffy.

A veggie diet isn't hard.

I don't see the big issue about meat.

I'm not sure I get your comparison between a child wanting a luxury item and a child thinking about what they eat and deciding to be vegetarian because they believe it to be the right thing for them to do.

Food is life-sustaining and therefore essential. Toys aren't.

They have essential life sustaining food. No one is starving them.

They want extra food that's not on the menu.

I don't take Gordon Ramsay seriously, agent, but he's on record for having "fooled" vegetarians into eating meat and thinking it's all a great big laugh.

princess

Or they could actually try a vegetarian meal as a family (so that no-one is having to provide extra food) and broaden their horizons, while at the same time valuing their child' feelings about the issue?

No, that just wouldn't do, would it?

Sorry, got to go. Have to be up early to soak the lentils for the week

It's not a case of evangelising. It's a case of answering a question honestly. If you are informed about how intensively reared livestock are produced and choose to consume hat product regardless then fair enough. But don't lie to your children or try and sugar coat the reality because it's a more convenient choice for you. That's dishonest.

Or they could actually try a vegetarian meal as a family (so that no-one is having to provide extra food) and broaden their horizons, while at the same time valuing their child' feelings about the issue?

A single vegetarian meal is not becoming a vegetarian. She wanted to stop eating meat. A meal is fine. But keep it up would have either meant a complete lifestyle change or buying extra food and cooking an extra side meal.

Would you constantly buy meat and cook it up for your children if they decided they wanted to eat it? Or would you ask them to either contribute to the meal and/or wash the extra dishes that were used from cooking their meals?

He's just a twat though Suburban, nothing to do with anyone else who eats meat.

Just out of interest and not with the intent to be a goady fuck, do you make the grouping (even if it's a loose/blurred one in your head) between veggies and meat eaters?

Do you look on the people you know who eat meat with a bit less respect than you would do the equivalent veggie friend?

Or they could actually try a vegetarian meal as a family (so that no-one is having to provide extra food) and broaden their horizons, while at the same time valuing their child' feelings about the issue?

I'm sure most families I know will have had egg 'n chips...it's hardly broadening ones horizons.

However, 'valuing their child's feelings about the issue' would take more than just one vegetarian meal, surely?

Unless you're suggesting that one child should dictate what the family eat on a day to day basis?

'But don't lie to your children or try and sugar coat the reality because it's a more convenient choice for you. That's dishonest.'

I lie to my children Dandy, and I sugar coat all sorts of things for them.

Why don't you try and shield your children from the harsher realities of life? (how old are your DC if you have any?)

I don't mean wrapping them up in cotton wool, but if they're not asking about how meat gets to their plate then I'm not going to bring it up over dinner that the animals suffer on that journey.

Mmm, egg, chips and beans

Agentzigzag because eating meat is immoral so why would I tell my kids otherwise?
You should be allowed to say you don't want to eat something it is not equivalent to a child asking to eat meat when everyone else is veggie. They are asking for extra in that case. If my child didn't like tomatoes I wouldn't force them to eat them but if they kinda liked tomatoes and everyone else didn't I wouldn't make tomato meals every day just for them! Do you see the difference?

OP YANBU. If your twelve year old decided to become vegetarian then I think you would have to take that seriously (even if it meant he or she cooked at a lot of their own food) but otherwise your DSIS should be more sensitive because we are talking young children, not teens.

Rhonda it was my DS that wanted to be vegetarian at 4. And I didn't feel it appropriate to make him use his pocket money or do extra chores!

We discussed the importance of a healthy diet and eating the right sort of food to keep his body well. Then we looked at what meat provided (iron and protein in the main) and looked up some vegetarian recipes that could provide the same. I did cheat a bit with quorn sausages & mash a few times though!

And he had to agree to eat whatever he was given because existing on cheese on toast and chips wasn't healthy. He ate all manner of things I'd never considered trying before and even though his vege stage didn't last long, at least he felt listened to. Plus I had to look up some new recipes which we all now love & wouldn't have occurred to me to try before :)

None of the meat I eat is stunned before slaughter. It's nose down in a trough (at home, no travel first) and shot at point blank range well out of sight / hearing of the rest of the herd. Doesn't know what's coming and is therefore completely unstressed. And v v tasty :)

You should be allowed to say you don't want to eat something it is not equivalent to a child asking to eat meat when everyone else is veggie. They are asking for extra in that case. If my child didn't like tomatoes I wouldn't force them to eat them but if they kinda liked tomatoes and everyone else didn't I wouldn't make tomato meals every day just for them! Do you see the difference?

A typical "meat" meal:

• Grilled chicken breast
• Side of Corn
• Side of Rice

You take out the meat, you only have the sides. Two veggies in a meal is not very nutritious. You have to cook extra to make up for the nutrition and have a filling meal. Simply taking out the meat without compensating is how you're going to end up either malnourished or stuck taking pill vitamins.

So yes, your dinner changes just as much when you take out the meat as it would if you added it in. It's not like a tomato which is typically used as a flavoring, not a main part of the course. You don't eat a whole tomato for dinner typically.

Therefore, if you expect meat eaters to completely change their meals, you have to be willing to do the same. You can't just say kids can tell their parents what to do and dictate meals only when it happens to follow your moral compass.

'why do granny and grampa eat dead animals '

for the poster who was wondering how to answer that, you could try explaining that granny and grampa don't want to eat the animals while said animals are still alive? Carnivores kill before eating. Or you could try saying 'granny and grampa are like lions, they eat meat, whereas we are like cows, we only eat grass'.

HTH. Don't let your DC think that their granny and grampa are doing something wrong just because they're not vegetarian.