Childbirth pain -is it just me this annoys?

[lbsjob87]

I'm 35 weeks with my second. Number 1 was 5yrs ago, and after a 28-hour labour, with her back-to-back and eventually with shoulder dystosia, ended in an emergency CS. Stressful, painful and not easily forgettable (which partly explains the 5yr gap!)
This time, I am taking it as it comes, at the moment I'm aiming for VBaC but the baby's breech at the mo, so what will be will be, if I need another CS, I'll have one.
My possibly totally unreasonable gripe is this. I get REALLY hacked off when women have babies with just gas and air, or not even that, and people say "Oh, she did ever so well, bless her."
One relative gave birth on just two paracetamol and seven years later it still gets referred to like she won an Olympic medal or something.
It's not the women themselves I am cross at, but the people who say it and suggest (in my head) that those of us who do go down the epidural/spinal route somehow don't "do well" and aren't as deserving of their praise.
I'm surrounded by pregnant people/new mothers at the moment but every time I hear it, I think "Fuck off, maybe she just naturally has a high pain threshold, or had an easier time of it. It doesn't make her bloody Superwoman."
My own mother says it and she's a retired midwife!
AIBU to think this? I admit it does make me far crosser than it actually should. It's probably hormones, but is it just me?

Bah! I had DC2 with no pain relief and I don't remember anyone congratulating me! I did try some G and A but it made me as sick as a dog, and as I'd had pizza with extra garlic and anchovies a few hours previously everyone in the delivery decided it was best if I laid-off the stuff...

I also had the works with DC1. Diamorphine, epidural, ventouse... He was back-to-back and it was completely fucking excruciating, right from the early stages. It also took forever, as - according the obstetrician who delivered him - his head wasn't pressing against my cervix and helping it dilate as it should have been, it was just pressing against the base of my spine. Ouch. 3 years later I'm still annoyed that back-to-back labours and deliveries were not even mentioned in the NCT classes we took.

I'd love to say I didn't care, but I've obviously absorbed some of the natural birth rhetoric as I did feel like I'd failed after my first birth and triumphed after my second. Bollocks really, as DC2 was just smaller and better positioned than her brother.

I definitely agree that back to back labours should be covered in NCT classes. They are absolutely excruciating and made the contractions feel like a breeze in comparison. DC2 had his back against my stomach instead and it was a very easy birth in comparison to DC1's, so definitely agree with those that say it is more to do with luck of positioning of the baby as to how much pain relief each woman needs.

I didn't need an epidural with dc2 as it was bearable and quick, however, at the end with dc1 when instead of pushing her down I had pushed her against my spine, I would have taken anything they offered to make that pain stop (ended up with spinal in case needed emcs).

I do think they also need to cover shoulder dystocia in classes too, having experienced two of these it was quite a shock, especially dc2 where it was a quick labour and all buzzers went off, what felt like half the hospital ran in and they just shoved my legs up around my head to get him out (who knew I was that flexible!) - I think they need to talk about the different manoeuvres they might use and why.

It is great trying for a 'natural' birth, but you don't know what will happen until you are there and you have to go with whatever is safest for you and the baby. I wanted a waterbirth, but have ended up with one forceps and episiotomy with a spinal, one very quick but with shoulder dystocia, and one elcs. Let me tell you I had a much quicker recovery with the vaginal births than I did with the elcs - an operation, especially when you have two dc 4 and under and no family anywhere near is no picnic.

It isn't a badge of honour to have a natural birth, it is just lucky.

It's no more lucky than any birth resulting in a healthy baby.

It's not about luck at all. Sometimes it's about mental attitude, determination, and quite often, it's about there not being enough time or availability of an anaesthetist to get the epidural into a woman when she's begging for it.

There's no luck involved when you're in agony and have no choice but to deliver your back to back, induced baby on G&A because there's no time left to get an epidural in before you have the good fortune to feel your vagina tear 2-3 centimetres.

But it can be lucky if you're fortunate enough to experience a good, natural birth - surely that was all that was meant Woo?

That, because we're all different and each birth is different, we acknowledge that there's an element of luck when things go more easily than for another person, or even for the same person on another occasion.

But I accept your point too that not every "natural" birth is necessarily a good or easier one. I'm sorry to hear that your own experience was a difficult one x

I do find it bizarre that people would want to have only gas and air, I suppose if its what they really wanted (for whatever reason) and they had a low pain threshold but didn't have anything else then they did do well, in achieving what they set out to but personally, all I wanted to achieve was a baby, and then a nap.
I only had gas and air (and I didn't even use it right I was panicking so much) and I was VERY unhappy about it, the midwife didn't seem to believe me that I was in labour, didnt check and sent me home saying it would probably be another 20 hours before id need to come in, about 20 mins later on the drive home i thought i was going to die :/ got back to hospital 2 hours later, and had to push straight away and no time for any of the good stuff. I was so pissed off i wouldn't even let them stitch me up after. It was awful and everyone was saying i did well but i just screamed the entire time and didn't die, so not exactly doing well i had no choice. I could have had the exact same gorgeous baby and a whole lot less pain and i think that would have been much much better and id have done just as well because well, baby.

If i ever have another, im having anything they'll give me. I dont understand all this "women used to have babies without medical intervention every day" crap, so what? We used to shit outside, dont see anyone jumping to do that.

I just find the way we say that some people are lucky is very odd.

Any of us that has a healthy baby is lucky, no matter how traumatic or stress free our birth experience is.

I don't feel that may experience was particularly difficult, but it wasn't easy either so I don't think I'm any more or less lucky than anyone else. I had a positive experience, as I expect most people who have pain relief or elective CS's did as well. Even when our birth experience wasn't positive, if we ended up with a healthy baby we are still extremely lucky. After all, I don't suppose any of us had children because we wanted a good birth, birth is just a means to an end.

All of us are lucky to have our babies in a country with free maternity services, where we have access to midwives and medical intervention and our babies have access to incubators and the like should they need it.