Childbirth pain -is it just me this annoys?

[lbsjob87]

I'm 35 weeks with my second. Number 1 was 5yrs ago, and after a 28-hour labour, with her back-to-back and eventually with shoulder dystosia, ended in an emergency CS. Stressful, painful and not easily forgettable (which partly explains the 5yr gap!)
This time, I am taking it as it comes, at the moment I'm aiming for VBaC but the baby's breech at the mo, so what will be will be, if I need another CS, I'll have one.
My possibly totally unreasonable gripe is this. I get REALLY hacked off when women have babies with just gas and air, or not even that, and people say "Oh, she did ever so well, bless her."
One relative gave birth on just two paracetamol and seven years later it still gets referred to like she won an Olympic medal or something.
It's not the women themselves I am cross at, but the people who say it and suggest (in my head) that those of us who do go down the epidural/spinal route somehow don't "do well" and aren't as deserving of their praise.
I'm surrounded by pregnant people/new mothers at the moment but every time I hear it, I think "Fuck off, maybe she just naturally has a high pain threshold, or had an easier time of it. It doesn't make her bloody Superwoman."
My own mother says it and she's a retired midwife!
AIBU to think this? I admit it does make me far crosser than it actually should. It's probably hormones, but is it just me?

Yanbu. Fucking annoying. I had very similar birth experience to you OP, everyone made out that I was some how lucky to have a 40 hour labour and emc. Yes lucky lazy me, who couldnt laugh or cough for 2 months because my stitches burst. Lucky.

Aspiringhuman !! Wow. Your family needs to be told to FTFO.

I will admit that it is impressive to make a delivery without drugs. But it's not a contest of badge of honor either.

I had an epidural and I'd happily do it again.

The end result is a baby regardless of how it comes out. At the end of the day I was holding a baby the same as a home water birther was holding a baby.

The real test is how they raise the child. When I see two children running around screaming in a restaurant I couldn't give two shits how you squeezed them out.

Epidurals are fantastic.
Who needs pain when there are drugs to help.

I'm with you, OP. Nobody knows what another woman's birth experiences were like, and everyone's bodies behave differently. And, as someone said upthread, there are those who (mistakenly) think they have total control of the process.

When I was going through a really horrendous medicalised pregnancy, I was watching a programme tracking other preggers women, and there was one kickboxing her way through her eighth month. She was all "the birth is going to be like THIS and THIS and THIS and I don't understand why other women don't do their pregnancies like ME, because I am AMAZING and IN CONTROL". Of course, the birth didn't go like THIS at all, and she saw it as a failure even though she got an alive baby at the end of it, which I thought sad.

I managed on gas and air as I had what my midwife called a 'textbook' labour. I was bloody lucky and have a high pain threshold. I am also petrified of the idea of an epidural, the fear outweighed the pain.

Anyone who can have an epidural done calmly while in labour deserves a medal in my opinion.

My pain threshold is nil.
I was scared at the thought of the epidural but it had all gone on so long, it was worth it and it never once made me feel like a failure.
It's not an test.

Aargh, posted early...

I agree OP, I Adam often congratulated on doing well but am pg with DC2 and OD help me if I don't have an easy labour as I am almost ashamed of the visceral fear of the epidural needle I had last time and am worried I won't cope if anything goes awry this time.

*Aspiringhuman Fri 30-May-14 11:41:21
YANBU, I had a crash section with dd1 after a very long labour and was very physically unwell afterwards.

I've yet to get over the guilt even though dd is almost 9. The guilt was reinforced by me being asked why I didn't love dd enough to give birth properly like normal women. In court the tirade of abuse to 'prove' I was the worst mother in the history of all mothers ended with; "she couldn't even give properly". They also said "she has no right to claim to be a mum, she didn't actually give birth". To top it all I had to deal with a sobbing dd when she was told that Mummy didn't want her and they knew that because I couldn't be bothered to put enough effort into staying awake to see her born. I've also been asked why I didn't try harder to give birth properly, why I couldn't be a proper woman, how did I have the right to be tired because I hadn't experienced labour. Apparently very painful contractions for 3.5 days so no sleep,being fully dilated for 15 hours but being told to fight the urge to push because dd's head was too high followed by bleeding out to the point of losing consciousness means I didn't put any effort in at all.*

Jesus wept. Either you are a very very ill woman, and this is along the lines of the midwife who told you you should have kept your legs shut, the housing officer who told you to put your baby to sleep in the boiler cupboard and the various officials who have told you you are scum and not a proper person, ie ALL IN YOUR HEAD.

OR this has all come from one messed up abusive person who you should ignore.

Why do you keep posting this stuff? What does it achieve for you? It's very odd.

It is not in my head. It was said to me by Mt ex, his Dad, his SIL and his lawyer. It's hard to forget.

FWIW I've had:

DS1 36 hours, back to back, epidural, horrendous.

DD 2 hours of godawful intense contractions following induction, G&A and pethidine, also horrendous.

DS2, six hours, lovely, calm and peaceful, one push, G&A, enjoyed every second.

So really I'm wondering where the fuck my medal is.

YANBU, but as a woman who has never given birth but not ruled out the possibilty of having children in the future, I am always so happy to read the 'labour was fine, I just used gas and air and it wasn't a big deal' stories...

Don't we already have a section for fiction writers? Is there a misery-lit subsection? I'd get your post(s) moved there, AspiringHuman- you might have stumbled upon a lucrative career.

I've lost count of the number of times I and others have tried to point you in the direction of some help for your persecution complex, but I don't think you WANT to be helped. What does posting this way actually achieve for you- there must be an emotional pay off somewhere? I am quite at a loss.

Ignore the comments op if they annoy you, I understand what you mean though as it can be infuriating.

Last week a relative said to me no wonder I'd had four dcs if I'd had caesareans and that I was a bitch for not having the pain of labour. She had recently been through a 41 min labour/birth and said it was agony. I left the room.

I know one lady who has 4 children (ages ranging from 16-6) and whenever anyone mentions childbirth (in any capacity, eg, "did you see obem last night?" Or "my sis gave birth last night") she has to mention, as much and as loundly as possible, about the fact that she didn't have ANY pain relief with any of hers, and she didn't make any noise and she doesn't understand why people shout/scream/swear/have pain relief. Everytime she does it I feel like swatting her!

You could look at it from the other side. Do you think that every time a woman who gave birth on gas and air hears you complaining about all the pain relief you needed thinks to herself 'is she implying I had an easy time of it just because I didn't have an epidural?'. Because that would be the same sort of reasoning OP. Unreasonable reasoning. Your relative who gave birth on paracetamol had every bit as valid a birth as you did. It should not be spoken of only in whispers.

You will be delighted if you get through your next birth on gas and air.

Oh, and anyone who hasn't had a C-section and thinks it is the "easy" option should try looking after a newborn after having major abdominal surgery.

AH. Your ex's family are fucked up. You know that already. Posting such thoughts here is really misguided. I had a crash section and was upset enough not seeing my baby born. If I had seen you posting that shit I would have been more than upset. You really need to stop posting it here and seek help in RL as everyone has been telling you for years. You are NOT helping anyone.

bof fuck off. Just because you've not had the misfortune to meet some of the people I have doesn't make it untrue.

Yes this will be deleted as a personal attack yet funnily enough it's ok fir you to call me a liar. Lovely.

Maybe not only 'she has a high painthreshold' comments etc.... but also maybe 'she didn't want to be in any pain at all'. What's wrong with wanting to have NO pain at all, if that's what you choose?

Anyone who can have an epidural done calmly while in labour deserves a medal in my opinion.

Really? It didn't hurt at all for me. The doctor did an excellent job numbing me right up before he put the needle in.

The thing is, I've seen you wildly overreact to innocuous comments on here, and make them out to be about you, or something they're not (frozen broccoli, anyone?), so it's not hard to work out that's what you do in RL too.

Just stop it, stop posting about it, stop saying on every single thread you're on that you are sub-human and worthless and that every single person you ever meet calls you such. It's not true, and it's horrible.

Doesn't bother me tbh. Had the works with the first then the subsequent were so quick I didn't have any choice but to only have g & a. I think nearly any women who has an uncomplicated labour could probably have a drug free birth IF they were given lots of the right support/advice/preparation sadly that just can't happen on the NHS. I owe everything to my amazing mw who recommended hypnosis CDs then gave me lots of imaging and breathing practise the week before birth. It's a shame the NHS can't provide support like this but it all comes down to money.

I can honestly say that no one has asked me if I had a drug free birth. Sections I think are just as tough as the recovery seems much harder.

Thankfully I am out of the giving birth stage now.

I had 4 labours lasting 1 hour from the first contraction to the placenta being delivered with gas and air.

My first was a long labour with an epidural.

I didn't like the epi, I think they gave me too much as I couldn't even feel my legs to move them.

Some think it is a badge of honour to give birth without meds; others couldn't give a shit.

I wouldn't let it bother you.

I had a lot of praise for having quick labours but it isn't like I had any control over that. I do know how lucky I was though; although when your body goes into shock afterwards it isn't so nice.

I also told my niece that she did amazing when she gave birth via C-section because imo, anyone who gives birth has done an amazing thing; painkillers or not.

I've never said it's everyone, just enough to make me feel shit and that is true. Yes I'm horrible, that's why I hate myself.