to expect dsc not to wake our dc up early?

[livvielife]

We have dc aged 7, 6, 4 and 1. My dsc are 6 and 7. At home they're in bed for 7 and up at 5.30/6. Our dc tend to have a later routine, particularly in summer and tend to sleep from 9-7.45 on school days but would happily lie in until 9/10 on weekends. I don't expect dsc to be quiet until 9/10 but I think them waking the dc at 5.30/6 is unfair. If dsc go to bed early we read, do play doh, draw etc so it doesn't wake them. However in the morning they ignore dp asking them to be quiet (though he's quite likely to be saying it half-heartedly as he just puts the tv on for them and tries to go back to sleep on the sofa!) and wake the whole house up, therefore having an effect on the days activities as they're all tired by lunch time.

I've tried setting up quiet activities for them the night before and explaining more sleep = a better following day for all but still they're shouting and screaming by 6. Aibu to think that at 6 and 7 they should be capable of being considerate to everyone?

So you have DC from a previous relationship, he has DC FAPR and together you have (joint) DC?

Or he has DC FAPR aged 7 & 6 and jointly you have DC aged 4 & 1?

My 3 year old knows he has to stay quietly in his room until 7 (he has a gro-clock) so I would expect that from 6 and 7 year olds too.

Though at 6 and 7 they probably aren't going to remember that 7am is the rule unless their dad is consistent and firm about it.

Confused by the ages.

Basically the older kids are waking the younger ones up in the morning.

Yeah DH should grow a pair and get some workable strategies in place to keep his kids quiet.

At 4 and 1 are they at school?

You and DP need to agree a time which is acceptable for them to leave their rooms at and DP needs lay it out for the dcs and reinforce it if they disobey. He needs to bring them. Back to their rooom each time they leave. Try hbing a reward for staying in room til the right time, like getting to choose the family movie or going out somewhere nice.

Am intrigued at the ages of your own children and step children - but surely with children of the same age it shouldn't be that hard to compromise on the same bedtimes when they are all together? I used to take groups of up to 30 children away for camping weekends, they went to bed at the time we set - not what they were used to .

And they need a child friendly clock in their room so they know what time it is.

So the dsc are 6 and 7 and your DCs are 4 and 1? Just trying to be clear, it reads like you have 4 DCs and 2 DCs but the ages don't work...

Do DSC have there own room? With 'quiet' toys in? I was an early riser, but was only allowed to play in my room until someone else was up. At 6-7, they're old enough to know better, at least for a couple of hours.

Yes our 5 and 7 DC are pretty good at playing quietly downstairs, bit we've had to work at it. I think it depends how your house is designed - if they are in the living room and stairs come down into it, it's much harder. Keeping the playroom door closed is a Very Important Rule. It does need regular reinforcing and they are a bit rubbish at letting each other sleep in but not too bad. They don't have tv but are allowed to get their breakfast. They are allowed downstairs at 7 or 7.30 and we get up to them by 8.30.

4 and 1 yr old are ours together, all others are from previous relationships. 4 and 1 yr olds aren't at school but still have to get up for the school run on school days.

Dsc have a child friendly clock but as soon as they wake they're running all over the house. They are worn out by 7 and even if they manage to stay up later they still wake early

So to be clear they are 6 dc in total

Their dad needs to send them back to their room then.

My 6 and 8 year old understand this sort of thing, but even when they are playing 'quietly' it really doesn't seem that quiet and very quickly becomes noisy until they are told to pipe down whereby they are my version of quiet for a while, then their version and back to noise.

I think your DH does need to impose the rules and consequences of not following, ideas already suggested such as the clocks etc. But perhaps you could tweak your plans a little too e.g. You are aware of the possibility so plan activities around when you know that everyone will be tired etc. I am not saying pander to it entirely just that whilst DH is doing his bit to encourage them to be quiet and not wake everyone up, you are also making slight changes so that the day goes better.

Dsc have their own room but will enter other dcs rooms to wake them as soon as they wake

I'd try and send all the children to bed at the same time so have a later bedtime for the stepchildren and earlier bedtime for yours. (About 8pm rather than 7 and 9?)

You would have this problem if the DC were ALL yours...as in yours and DHs together. Deal with it...it's not a case of "fair". 6 and 7 is very, very small yet.

Ok so you have 6 & 7 year olds and so does he?

So really the problem is the big difference in parenting and expectation between you and your DC?

You need to talk.

When I was little (aged 6 ish to 14 ish) I stayed with my dad and stepmum once a month or so.

At home I was in bed by 7.30pm and up at 7am ish, which worked for me. At my dad's I'd be kept up til 10pm with the rest of the family, but still wake at 7am ish at ny normal tine. I then needed the loo, a drink, something to do etc, and while I was probably quiet ish as I felt awkward there, I'm pretty sure my while step family were up earlier than they'd like to have been because I was up and about.

I would go home two nights later and be grouchy and knackered with everyone because I hadn't had enough sleep. My num used to dread me going because of the state of me when I got back.

Try to be kind to your DSC. Can you Ll go to bed a bit earlier as a compromise, with the agreed trade off that your DSC will try to be quiet when they wake? Send them to bed with a drink and snack for the morning, some books to read, a film to put on? Please try to work with them on this, as they are probably no happier with the situation that you are and to some degree, you chose it.

Not on. Running around the house and into other bedrooms is naughty behaviour whether dcs or sdcs. DP needs to step up his game and make some clear rules and consequences/rewards.

But Queen it really affects the possible activities every time they're here if all dc are tired. It means we can't go on car journeys over 45 mins as dsc fall asleep which restricts days out massively

You would have this problem if the DC were ALL yours...as in yours and DHs together

Well we know she wouldnt as her children and her and dHs children together dont do it.

I'm not sure that I like the way all your children are 'ours' and his children are his. It feels like you have stigmatised his children as separate from the rest.

OP, you sound like you can't do anything about naughty behaviour? Running into the other children and waking them up isn't ok, so what is your DP doing about it?