to expect dsc not to wake our dc up early?

[livvielife]

We have dc aged 7, 6, 4 and 1. My dsc are 6 and 7. At home they're in bed for 7 and up at 5.30/6. Our dc tend to have a later routine, particularly in summer and tend to sleep from 9-7.45 on school days but would happily lie in until 9/10 on weekends. I don't expect dsc to be quiet until 9/10 but I think them waking the dc at 5.30/6 is unfair. If dsc go to bed early we read, do play doh, draw etc so it doesn't wake them. However in the morning they ignore dp asking them to be quiet (though he's quite likely to be saying it half-heartedly as he just puts the tv on for them and tries to go back to sleep on the sofa!) and wake the whole house up, therefore having an effect on the days activities as they're all tired by lunch time.

I've tried setting up quiet activities for them the night before and explaining more sleep = a better following day for all but still they're shouting and screaming by 6. Aibu to think that at 6 and 7 they should be capable of being considerate to everyone?

If he's making more noise than they are supposed to be making or giving up and letting them get carried away then it's not surprising they aren't following the rule - they probably don't believe the rule exists IYSWIM.

Your problem is not your DSC but your DP.
That is where you need to focus your frustration and your effort.
He is lazy and thoughtless and cannot be bothered to discipline his children.
Presumably you do all the parenting for "your" children? (i.e the ones you gave birth to), but feel you do not have authority over the DSC?
I am guessing your DH doesn't have much input into parenting any of the children.
You really shouldn't blame the DSC for the failings of their father.

Always baffles me why women have children with men who won't parent. Especially when there is plenty of chance to see him 'parenting' (or not) with his existing children.

bauhausfan

Yeah that's what jumped put at me too.

They will still wake at 6 even if you put them to sleep later. I have one DD who no matter what time she goes to bed gets up at 7 am and she's 12 and DD2 who would sleep on a washing line and no matter what time she goes will sleep till 9/10 am on holidays. On school days she's always last up and I have to shake her sometimes. DD3 somewhere in between.

Why not put your kids to bed earlier, if they are getting up earlier on a morning they will probably be very tired so go straight to sleep.

It a bit unfair to expect 'his kids' to have to change their routine when putting yours down earlier will probably work better

I don't blame them, I agree he's ineffectual. It's just frustrating that the only solution seems to be me getting up with them so the other dc get enough sleep but then I'm on duty from 5.30 am until 9 pm plus throughout the night with baby while dp gets to opt out. I do have authority over them, dp seems bewildered that children 'just listen to me.' Nothing to do with consistency, attention, praise, consequences etc then!

I think you're getting a hard time here OP!

At the ages they are, they should be more than capable of being quieter until a more reasonable time. It sounds like they are excited to be at yours with their siblings to play with, I think your DP needs to be firmer with them about being quiet in the mornings.

The younger ones nap in the day more if woken early (4 yr old is only just 4) and the older ones just can't sleep before their usual bedtime, no more than dsc can stay asleep past their normal waking time in the morning.

It's just frustrating that the only solution seems to be me getting up with them

Don't you dare do it for him Take the others elsewhere if needs be.

Nothing to do with consistency, attention, praise, consequences etc then!

Tell him that. Until the penny drops.

I just think, if it was the other way round I'd have dc downstairs, breakfast eaten, dressed, maybe some drawing or Lego then I'd take them out to the park by 7, back for 8/8.30 and set to do whatever we're doing that day. Dp seems to be surprised each time that nothing changes!

Don't you dare do it for him Take the others elsewhere if needs be

No! Dont take the dcs away- that gives him no reason to get his dcs to be quiet or behave! They'll have no-one there to disturb and he'll let them go bananas. Stay in YOUR OWN HOME and make your useless DP step up to his job as a parent.

The younger ones nap in the day more if woken early (4 yr old is only just 4) and the older ones just can't sleep before their usual bedtime, no more than dsc can stay asleep past their normal waking time in the morning.

In that case OH should go to bed earlier when his kids are there so he can get up with them on a morning and make their breakfast/amusr them etc. I have had 12 years of tying to get DD to have a lie in and she just can't. It's not fair to have the 9yr old watch the 6 yr old for a few hrs whilst dad naps on the couch. He could go to bed earlier, get up with them have breakfast spending some quality time alone with them.

I guess he won't do this

I do agree 5.30am is a bit much though. Have they got blackout curtains.

No! Dont take the dcs away- that gives him no reason to get his dcs to be quiet or behave!#

I meant for the whole weekend as per OP's earlier plan. I suspect he has never learnt to be a parent and won't if he has someone there to do it for him.

I feel very sorry for these children. I think you both need to take a clearer look at the parenting that is going on here.

And do people really confine their children to their rooms until 8.30am, under strict instructions not to wake parents. I would hate to think my dd could not wake me as and when she needs me.

It just makes sence if my children are up and awake, for safety reasons I'd like to be awake too rather than set very strict rules that I can't be woken until a certain time.

I meant for the whole weekend as per OP's earlier plan. I suspect he has never learnt to be a parent and won't if he has someone there to do it for him.

He wouldnt parent for the weekend. He's a lazy arse, he'd let them do whatever they wanted as long as he got to doze on the sofa. The only way he'd learn to parent properly was if he was left to it on his own full time for good and eventually he'd see the consequences of lazy parenting ad maybe decide he needed to up his game. Maybe.

But left alone for one weekend? Nah, They'd probably e worse the following weekend as they'd had 'freedom' to be as loud as they liked whilst OP and the other dcs were gone. And they'd probably resent OP and the dcs for coming back and making them be quiet again. OP leaving her own home is not the solution here. Her DP needs to sort himself out and do the right thing.

But left alone for one weekend? Nah, They'd probably e worse the following weekend as they'd had 'freedom' to be as loud as they liked

Blimey. You think?

YANBU in the slightest, but you will always get some harsh replies just for daring to be a SM and say something negative about your DSC.

I agree that your DP is the problem. So if he won't prevent the dsc from making noise and waking the other dc's then tell him to deal with the consequences of overtired dx later in the day. When the dc's start to get tired and play up, go out.

Canthisone - nobody is asking the dc to be restricted to their rooms - they are being asked to be aware there are other people in the house who are asleep, and therefore not to be charging about, screaming. OP isn't talking about 18month / 2yr olds - she's talking about 6 and 7 yr olds who should be perfectly capable of settling down to watch a bit of TV or anything else that doesn't involve disturbing others in the house. So yes, children all over the country do that on a daily basis.

Backforgood, I was referring to lots of posters on this thread who suggest they restrict their children to their rooms.

OH right, sorry

Your problem is not with the children, it's how you and your dp parent together.

The early waking can be solved quite easily once you put routines into place.

Rule 1) All 6 and 7 year olds go to bed at the same time

Rule 2) All 6 and 7 year olds stay quietly in their own room in the morning until (agreed time)

Those that follow the rules get sticker charts and rewards, those that break the rule get the usual family rule breaking sanction.

You and your dp just need to agree the rule and routines, explain them to children and stick to them. Job done. Do you think you can do this?

My 6 and 7 year old aren't remotely tired at 7, anymore than dsc would be two hours earlier than their bedtime at 5. My dc aren't misbehaving or sleeping poorly, theres no need to change their routine.

The father should shake his utter laziness off and if his DC wake up early, because that is their habitual routine during the week - then dad get's dressed and takes them out for a walk/swim/other activity and does what he is supposed to - parent and spend time with his DC. I don't think it is fair to ask them to chop and change their routine, and it is up to dad to use this time to do things. Or they go to the shop and buy breakfast for everyone? Falling asleep on the sofa is ... how would that make DC feel, unwanted, uninteresting? I am trying to imagine being a "guest" in another household and having to tiptoe round, they need to be integrated and that is their dad's job. The DC have done nothing wrong, other than be in a different routine.

My 6 and 7 year old aren't remotely tired at 7, anymore than dsc would be two hours earlier than their bedtime at 5. My dc aren't misbehaving or sleeping poorly, theres no need to change their routine.

Then keep the dsc up later and let them join in the games you play with your own children.

Are there any consequences for them when they wake everyone up early? Are they told off, sent to their rooms?

At their ages they should be able to entertain themselves quietly with their DAD supervising, just like you do at night.