to expect dsc not to wake our dc up early?

[livvielife]

We have dc aged 7, 6, 4 and 1. My dsc are 6 and 7. At home they're in bed for 7 and up at 5.30/6. Our dc tend to have a later routine, particularly in summer and tend to sleep from 9-7.45 on school days but would happily lie in until 9/10 on weekends. I don't expect dsc to be quiet until 9/10 but I think them waking the dc at 5.30/6 is unfair. If dsc go to bed early we read, do play doh, draw etc so it doesn't wake them. However in the morning they ignore dp asking them to be quiet (though he's quite likely to be saying it half-heartedly as he just puts the tv on for them and tries to go back to sleep on the sofa!) and wake the whole house up, therefore having an effect on the days activities as they're all tired by lunch time.

I've tried setting up quiet activities for them the night before and explaining more sleep = a better following day for all but still they're shouting and screaming by 6. Aibu to think that at 6 and 7 they should be capable of being considerate to everyone?

Maybe you should just put them to play in the back garden?

Thank god you weren't serious little. I saw that on convos I'm on and thought that more of the wicked stepmother brigade had arrived.

I would just put all children to bed at 8.30-9pm. If your playing games etc together in eve and later dinner than they have at home they will surely be fine to stay awake until then and will then sleep later also.

I would never want bedtime at 7pm here also. We don't get in from work/ child care until 6.30/7pm. Mine went to bed at 10pm last night after dinner out at friends, they woke at 10.30am this morning

There must be some way of co-ordinating the bedtimes - your's go a little earlier and the DSC go a little later. As I mentioned earlier, I used to take 30 kids camping and they all had to go to bed at the same time and no one allowed to get up before a certain time. .

But your DP does sound totally ineffective if he can't organise his own children . Or you could both go to bed earlier and just start the day with a massive housework session that everyone has to join in at 5.30am .

As most people have said your dh is the problem. My 3 year old likes to get up around 5.30/6 where my other kids are 7.30ish. He won't stay in bed quietly so I either intercept him as soon as I hear him heading for the bathroom or he knows to come straight to our room and quietly wake me up. Then he either gets the ipad on my bed (while I snooze) or we go downstairs and play. Myself and my OH take turns getting up so at least we have one lie in on the weekend.

People are saying to change the step children's routine, but how can the OP do that unless their mother does the same thing?

That would mean their routine going back and forth which would cause confusion and tiredness, and I'm going to guess that because the routine isn't all the same the other mother may not be willing to do that.

Art No they don't sleep later if they stay up later Its no good them being tired because they live an hour away and would fall asleep on the journey home if they stayed up later plus be grumpy all day.

No, he doesn't give them consequences if they wake everyone. They are like a whirlwind of noise and chaos through the house and though he badgers them about noise and mess, he doesn't actually enforce that they must be quiet and tidy up after themselves. It's really started to grate on me, actually. Our dc continue to be considerate and tidy but must resent seeing their dss doing the opposite. It can take all of Monday to sort out the house after a weekend with the dsc here and I'm about fed up of it.

Why don't you get dh to take them to a Travelodge for the weekend then? No early morning disturbances, no messy house to sort out on Monday.

Do you think the dsc are 'jealous' of your children as they have to swap between houses and yours don't?

Is everything alright with their life with their mother?

I think a 10 am start to the day is much too late for young children and I think they are a bit sleep deprived in the week if they are sleeping in til then at the weekend!
YABU to expect these little children to be quiet from 5.30 to 10 am - 4.5 hours when they are full of beans.Why don't you put them all to bed at say 8 o clock? Those that wake up early can go down and watch TV

I grew up with morning time was quiet time. If we had enough energy to make noise, we had enough energy to start doing chores. Actually, my dad just kicked us outside in the morning and went back to sleep

Do you have a fenced yard you can boot them out in?

We had coloring books and crayons to play with and other quiet morning toys. What about morning cartoons? Can they watch those while they wait for you to get up? They can learn to be quiet. My cousin and I who both have LDs that made us hyper and obnoxious were able to be quiet for a bit in the morning.

Treat them the same, so they get quality time with their dad in the morning, just as yours get quality time at night

Or put yours to bed early. But, just as the dsc cant change a routine just like that, neither will your kids be able to go to sleep 2 hours early i expect.

'neither will your kids be able to go to sleep 2 hours early i expect'
maybe they should have to just lie in bed quietly then like the DSC are expected to?

Yes, might be fair

maybe they should have to just lie in bed quietly then like the DSC are expected to?

RTFT

Her kids ARE expected to be quiet when the SDCs are in bed!

Not exactly.
They have 2 adults playing with them?
Maybe i imagined that? I will go and re read

'If dsc go to bed early we read, do play doh, draw etc so it doesn't wake them.''

Yes I do those things with my dc at night. Same as I'd expect dp to do those things with his children in the morning. Even if I have jobs to do, dc are and should be capable of playing quietly when unsupervised besides the one yr old that I take with me.

I think it is your DP who is the problem if he can't be bothered to spend time with his own children, although it makes me wonder why you are with him ............ he doesn't sound much of a catch - still can't work out if your children are 'his' children as well .

But I have never heard of young children not getting up until 9am/9.30am in the morning, I think your expectations are a little unrealistic. .

As you say, you expect your dp to do this with them in the morning. Sounds like your thread title would be better ss
'Aibu to expect dh to entertain/spend time with his kids in the morning'

Your kids spend, what, two hours or one hour longer downstairs at night? So maybe the same for dsc in the morning. Sadly that makes 5.30 only 7.30 so i would not be expecting a lie in!!

Mine are ok by themselves for up to an hour i would say, but they get lonely if noone is there with them. Snoozing on the sofa is not really spending time with them. Even just busying around doing dishes or making breakfast would be better.

Over to your dh, i would say

Why is it the DPs problem, surely as a blended household both parents should be enforcing the rules?

Well yes. i suppose i meant it definitely shouldn't just be the op getting up to read, do play doh and draw with the kids at 6am (frankly i wouldn't be rushing)
Both would be fairer as that is what happens with the other kids in the evening (who also get to spend the rest of the week with their dad) but if it is only going to be one adult who interacts with them, try their dad first.

So basically he is avoiding taking any responsibility for them in the mornings.

nice.

probably explains why he is their mother's ex.

It's clear that one of the adults need to supervise and keep the children occupied by playing quietly with them. OP won't because they are not her children and her dp won't because he doesn't want to.

Therefore, nothing will change. Not much more to discuss really is there?