to expect dsc not to wake our dc up early?

[livvielife]

We have dc aged 7, 6, 4 and 1. My dsc are 6 and 7. At home they're in bed for 7 and up at 5.30/6. Our dc tend to have a later routine, particularly in summer and tend to sleep from 9-7.45 on school days but would happily lie in until 9/10 on weekends. I don't expect dsc to be quiet until 9/10 but I think them waking the dc at 5.30/6 is unfair. If dsc go to bed early we read, do play doh, draw etc so it doesn't wake them. However in the morning they ignore dp asking them to be quiet (though he's quite likely to be saying it half-heartedly as he just puts the tv on for them and tries to go back to sleep on the sofa!) and wake the whole house up, therefore having an effect on the days activities as they're all tired by lunch time.

I've tried setting up quiet activities for them the night before and explaining more sleep = a better following day for all but still they're shouting and screaming by 6. Aibu to think that at 6 and 7 they should be capable of being considerate to everyone?

Bauhausfan my post would be incomprehensible if I didn't distinguish between the children.

the op has set up activites, has not banned them from getting up or anything, and HAS asked them to be quiet. What else is she supposed to do? I think the dc are old enough to keep quiet for an hour in the morning, and to stay out of other dc's rooms.

Your dh needs to interact with them properly in the morning and stop this from happening.

But you said 'we' for YOUR big dc as well as the joint dc. I feel kind of sensitive about this stuff as I am still dealing with the fall out of my own husband being treated crappily as the unwanted child in both his families. It's really important that your step-kids see their dad's home as their home too - and it's unfair to be angry with them for doing what is really very normal ie getting up early. They are only little and living between 2 houses with 2 sets of rules must be really stressful for them.

Because dp has adopted them as their own father died bauhausfan.

They've been going between homes for 6 yrs, it's normal to them rather than stressful

step parenting threads are like mirrors, people see their own experiences mirrored back.

bauhasfan, the ds are running into other peoples rooms and deliberately waking them up. no one needs to do this.

It's difficult to comment from the outside, but I agree with a Pp that although they are old enough to understand they are still little children. You are an adult though so you can make small changes to facilitate this easier than they can.

I am not suggesting you make all the changes/concessions but just that it seems like there needs to be a little give and take.

Fwiw we have 8,6 and 3 year old and the 3 year old does try to wake his brothers at 6.00am every day. We still go out though and I just have to take into account that DS3 is likely to be tired/have a meltdown maybe and organise the day accordingly with contingencies and things. I will also say it doesn't always work out well but often it does because I can pre-empt it. Obviously though all kids are different just sharing what works for us.

And I'm not angry at them for getting up early. One of our house rules is to be considerate to others - which bouncing on dcs beds who've only been asleep for 8.5 hours isn't.

One of our house rules is to be considerate to others

Different DC will be better able to interpret that at different ages. Your DSC might find it harder because they are moving between two houses with two sets of rules.

In your position I would quietly drop 'be considerate' for now and substitute some more concrete rules that don't require interpretation.

Yes, "be considerate" is wishy washy to children. They need clear directions Stating what behaviours are expected and which are no permitted.

It has been elaborated on, hence buying a clock, setting up activities etc. They understand that they wouldn't like it if dc were noisy at night time when they're trying to sleep but apparently don't get that they're being unfair by waking the dc when they're tired

So that is where DP needs to reinforce the message as soon as they get up. He needs to remind them of the rules before he takes them downstairs and quiet reminders if they start getting rowdy whilst down.

Can you and your DP not negotiate with the DSC's mum and edge ALL the DCs routines around to meet in the middle?

The DSC are currently experiencing a hell of a big (2 hour?) jump in their routine every time they move between homes - it must be playing havoc with their body clocks.

I agree Youre but unfortunately that doesn't happen. I think it could be a perfect opportunity for him to have quality time with them without the other dc around but he doesn't engage them so they play up. I could get up and keep them quiet but our one yr old co-sleeps so I'd have to wake her too when we're likely to have already been up with teeth etc.

No fideline dsc go to bed at their normal time here. Our dc are quiet until their bedtime to allow for this.

So the difference inconveniences you then?

I have two DDs. On weekends, Dd2(10) wakes 7 ish and Dd1(12) wakes 9 ish. Though sometimes it is other way around. We have rule in this house that it is not allowed to go into other bedroom and wake your sister (or your parents!!!). Instead, it is expected that you go down stairs and go on laptop or watch tv quietly .

Make sure they understand this is important house rule, and put consequences in place for breaking that rule. And follow through.

No the running around the house at 5.30 is the problem. The dsc have a much more active lifestyle here than at home so are often tired again by 8, when our dc would ideally be waking up! It's incompatible but not sure howto rectify it. My three eldest recognise if tthey're still tired and go back to sleep. Dsc get up anyway then want to go back to bed later or are grumpy

Make sure they understand this is important house rule, and put consequences in place for breaking that rule. And follow through.

Yes. But everyone who has pointed out Dad should be parenting his own kids is also quite right.

Is he a disney type dad generally OP?

I agree Youre but unfortunately that doesn't happen

Yes i know! Thats why i'm telling you it needs to. What is DP saying/intending to do about it. No point asking for advice on here when he isnt going to do anything. He has to step up.

He's not remotely authoritative. It seems ridiculous that I should have to get up with them when it's the only time he really gets alone with them - he should be making the most of it in my opinion.

I'm confused. They are supposed to stay in their room but your DP takes them downstairs and puts a DVD on for them and dozes on sofa and then they run round the house? Is that it?

A 6 and 7 yr old should certainly be able to follow a rule about only being allowed to do x,y,or z until the clock turns 8.30am or whatever time you set as being reasonable, and if they don't then you (by that I mean the 2 adults in the house) should consistently use whatever parenting methods you usually use to change behaviour, until they do.
It's selfish and not acceptable, and they need to learn that.
Children much younger than that have been doing it for years. You have said the children are there regularly so it's not like it's a novelty for them.

His mum lives round the corner so I said if he doesn't make more effort this weekend we'll stay there. But it isn't really fair on the dc to not be able to sleep in their own beds and certainly isn't a long-term solution, but maybe a kick up the backside.

I don't insist they stay in their room, I set an activity up in there but they're welcome to go downstairs too so long as it's quietly. They usually ignore both options and come jumping on our, or on other dcs, beds. If he's quick enough to intercept he takes them downstairs but then tries to doze or his constant badgering to be quiet is noisier than dsc themselves.

If their dad isn't enforcing the rules then the rules barely exist for them and you cannot hold them responsible.

Your DP is your problem, definitely.