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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to not have 'guest' sanitary protection in bathroom?

999 replies

EasyCube · 29/05/2014 18:16

Long story short, a relatively new friend and teenage daughter visited I later received a text

'Thank you for having us, unfortunately you have caused xxx embarrassment as she could not find the guest tampons and had to come home with toilet paper in her underwear'

Confused

Is this a thing? I have never once thought before that I should have pads/tampons in the bathroom, easily accessed by guests

My mum was great and I loved her a lot but we never talked about periods (I bought my own stuff from pocket money/paper round money) and now I'm wondering if this is just another thing I was never told about and feel a bit stupid to be honest Sad

Does everyone else have things available in the bathroom for guests? I'm thinking about other bathrooms I've been in and can't say I've noticed this before?

OP posts:
CorusKate · 30/05/2014 22:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FidelineandFumblin · 30/05/2014 22:38

Sorry Corus I think I have thread-ache Smile I've muddled you with someone else.

alemci · 30/05/2014 22:38

fide when he was little he would pull tampons out of my bag or cupboard. There may have been some in the loo at that point hence me removing me them.

I'm afraid I'm the type of mumnwho is prudish about nudity etc so ....

FidelineandFumblin · 30/05/2014 22:41

Oh al you've just reminded me of an incident with a tampon, a toddler and puppy here Grin

alemci · 30/05/2014 22:42
Grin
InAnotherLife · 30/05/2014 22:50

I do actually keep guest tampons (I don't use them myself), but only because I've had friends previously get caught out while visiting. I just keep them tucked in the front of the bathroom cupboard, so easily visible if the cupboard is opened.

Would never expect someone to though, and would never send such a rude text!

slithytove · 30/05/2014 22:52

Math - the mother has no idea if OP would help out because she didn't ask! Bit of a harsh judgement to imply that women can't count on each other just because some people might not have storage space for sanpro in their bathrooms.

Also, do we know the OP has teen daughters?

mathanxiety · 30/05/2014 23:45

I have one tiny bathroom too, CorusKate.

I have one small shelf unit on the wall above the loo. The shelves contain various otc medications and plasters (bottom shelf), about 30 bottles of nail polish (middle shelf), and miscellaneous taller items on the top shelf that are not used much - sun cream, aloe, something for insect bites, spare shampoo, air freshener aerosol spray.

There's a long basket on top of the cistern where I keep rolled up spare bath and hand towels. I keep spare loo roll in a small bag tucked in behind the loo.

I have one small built in cupboard unit squished between the loo and the bathtub that contains a small bin and toilet plunger (bottom cupboard), miscellaneous items such as thermometer, cotton balls, Qtips, nail polish remover, hairbrushes, spare toiletry bags and travel size toiletries, my perfume, moisturiser, spare razors, Odour Eaters powder, various ointments, athletes foot spray, spare soap, hair elastics and clips (middle cupboard). The top cupboard contains sanpro. It's about hip height.

I have a small shelf beside the wash basin, and a window sill. Toothbrushes and toothpaste are on the shelf in a mug. The cat knocks everything she finds off the window sill so it is clear. I keep shampoo and conditioner and body wash in the bath/shower.

I keep a bottle of bathroom cleaner behind the pedestal sink, with a sponge and rubber gloves.

I also have a laundry basket for towels and washcloths.

There isn't room to swing a cat much as I would like to swing the cat. Right now there are five of us to the one bathroom.

I don't know why people think sanitary items for guests need to be kept out in a bowl or a basket. This imo is not what is implied by the term 'guest', and I don't know why anyone thinks this is the implication.
If the mother had mentioned guest pads then no doubt there would be people telling her off for wanting pads when they only keep tampons..

Nothing needs to be laid out. It just needs to be in the bathroom, because imo it is not too much to ask that girls and women who need a pad or a tampon and don't have one handy or have used everything they had in their bag should be able to count on encountering sensible and kind women when they are out and find themselves in need.

When you really need some sanpro it makes all the difference to find it. Conversely, it is really horrible to have to make do with rolled up TP, and why should any teen or woman have to do this when she is in a house where there are other women who presumably remember what it is like to be a teen and presumably have the capacity to walk in another female's shoes?

The attitude that it is absurd to expect sense and support is harsh and only explicable by reference to the idea that women judge each other too much and stand by each other too little.

mathanxiety · 30/05/2014 23:49

As I think has been said upthread Slithy, some teens are not comfortable asking for sanpro from someone else's mother (or maybe even from their own).

I think if the OP put herself in the guest's shoes (as any good hostess should, ideally, and not just wrt sanpro) she would see how unreasonable it is to assume everyone would be comfortable just going and asking.

slithytove · 30/05/2014 23:53

Unreasonable is a massive stretch just because the OP didn't have sanpro on display. And as posters have said, they are uncomfortable rummaging, so clearly it does need to be on display.

I find the text from the mother far more inappropriate than anything the OP did or didn't do.

And if a person would rather use toilet roll than ask/rummage for a sanitary product, then that is not the hostesses fault.

Bellezeboobian · 30/05/2014 23:53

You carry your own or face the consequences. You don't blame someone else.

Olga79 · 30/05/2014 23:54

I don't see what's harsh about thinking that someone would ask if caught short.

FidelineandFumblin · 30/05/2014 23:56

or face the consequences

Bloody hell Belle

echt · 30/05/2014 23:56

What I don't get is the "friend" was visiting the OP with her daughter, so
why didn't she sort this out herself?

slithytove · 30/05/2014 23:57

And as for "as any good hostess should"

Well I consider myself a good hostess. I would never have considered before this thread to provide sanpro in our downstairs loo. There is a bin, spare loo roll, towel and soap.

There is sanpro in the family bathroom for anyone who cares to rummage.

I consider my uncle to be a good host. I would not dream of implying otherwise if he didn't provide lil lets for me.

Nor would I expect my widowed grandad to have a selection of sanpro at my disposal.

Or do you only expect women to be good hosts in this respect?

Again, do we know for a fact that OP has a teenage DD as you said?

Bellezeboobian · 30/05/2014 23:57

Well it's not like you're going to die, you're going to bleed a bit. That's it. I wouldn't assume that other people had something to cater for me.

slithytove · 30/05/2014 23:58

Math - OP does not in fact have teen DD's.

JapaneseMargaret · 31/05/2014 00:01

So math, just out of interest, what exactly is the definitive (and, presumably, exhaustive) list of what a good hostess should have out for their guests?

This should interesting. Grin

slithytove · 31/05/2014 00:01

Yes, the consequences of asking your mum 'do you have a pad'. Bloody good thing to learn actually if you are going to be caught out, I have asked complete strangers in public toilets before. Yes it's embarrassing but better than the alternative. I don't expect my local cafe to provide sanpro for me.

Why wasn't the mother carrying sanpro. Surely she remembers what it was like to be a teen and has the capacity to walk in another persons shoes.

Clearly she is a bad mother who wasn't standing by her daughter.

FidelineandFumblin · 31/05/2014 00:02

Well it's not like you're going to die,

Oh good. I thought for a moment it was a threat and you were some kind of san pro gangster alter ego of the interweb anthropologist Grin

Bellezeboobian · 31/05/2014 00:02

If someone comes to my home I really dont expect to have to provide tampons and pads. Especially if I didn't use them myself.

Bellezeboobian · 31/05/2014 00:03

findeline I'm not going to let them bleed out on my floor dont worry haha Grin

slithytove · 31/05/2014 00:04

I have to say I find this

The attitude that it is absurd to expect sense and support is harsh and only explicable by reference to the idea that women judge each other too much and stand by each other too little.

Completely mad. I could understand it maybe if the guest had asked and been declined, but to not even ask and condemn all women for not having 'guest sanpro' as not standing by each other... well it's a stretch at best.

It seems rather unsupportive of a fellow woman (since we are making this a gender issue?) to say that OP caused the teenager the embarrassment. I mean, surely that's biology doing that not OP? What if they had been at tescos/the beach/a restaurant?

Bellezeboobian · 31/05/2014 00:04

I remember my DP reminding me to take tampons to his mums house as she wouldnt have any. I was bemused. I felt like saying 'did your exes rely on your mum's stash' or is it just me who comes prepared???

TitusFlavius · 31/05/2014 00:10

I'm boggling at the mother of a teen who doesn't think she's responsible for provisioning her daughter with sanpro (if her daughter isn't old enough to buy them for herself), but that random friends must be so.

The OP didn't cause anyone embarrassment. The "friend" did - she embarrassed herself by writing such a twattish text.