to ask what is the most trivial reason you have ended a relationship

[BauerTime]

Mine is for referring to the 69 position as 'summer of 69ing' and condoms ss 'rubber johnnies'.

It just made my skin crawl and there was no coming back from that!

When l was 17 l was seeing a guy and we had words over something silly..his dad was an undertaker and he wrote me a letter of apology on that white card with a black rim they put on dead peoples doors..l was so insulted l refused to accept apology..30 years on l see this guy regularly very handsome professional and wonder if l had not been so snooty!!

His name , I hated it and it was Archie lol

I remember being creeped out by a guy who lived with his mother. First time we went to bed (mother was away), we did the deed in this gorgeous, massive bed. Then he told me it was his mother's bed. I was well freaked - presumably he thought his own bed was too small but ffs!

I once ended a relationship on valentines day over the phone because I wanted to be single at my brothers wedding as there were going to be loads of policemen there (he was training at the time). Turns out that they were all middle aged balding sleazebags which was total Karma for my shallow and selfish behaviour - in my defence I was only 17 at the time and said boyfriend did cry when Maggie Thatcher resigned.

He walked on tiptoes. Lovely guy, funny, smart, kind, good looking. But the tippy toe walk...no. Just...no. Total passion killer.

Another one, his bum was bigger than mine. He wasn't overweight, just an odd shape, with a proper curvy woman's bottom. It was just about ok in jeans but he used to wear combats a lot and it looked really, really odd.

One who used to write me 'love letters' with badly-drawn cartoons of himself (in blue biro) with tears running down his cartoon face, to show he was missing me. And 'tear stained' pages. Just Fuck Off, you creepy weepy freak.

One who used to write me 'love letters' with badly-drawn cartoons of himself (in blue biro) with tears running down his cartoon face, to show he was missing me. And 'tear stained' pages. Just Fuck Off, you creepy weepy freak.

Ha ha that made me giggle!

As a teen, I went out with a guy who used to send me very pornographic letters, all neatly handwritten on paper festooned with teddy bears...

He rang his mum 2-3 times a day. Every day. (We were just 20 and his parents were still fit and well,working etc - so not talking about an elderly mum).

Left poo crumbs in the bed ( and stuck his finger up his bum when he was asleep)

I dumped a boyfriend for weird kissing.

When I was wearing heels we were the same height & he would grip me by both elbows & french kiss me with his mouth barely open, eyes closed, somehow smiling at the same time with a soppy look on his face, while making mmm mmm yum yum noises. sex was similar

It was sort of like snogging an excitable puppy while it was eating

His mum was on lithium.

That's a shame wind chime - why did that bother you?

Yep, that's definitely a weird reason, windchime

So, the mum had bipolar and took lithium? Surely there must be another reason Wind dumped the guy?

He bought me a toilet seat for Christmas. I was 19, (so didn't get hugely excited about the thought of domestic items as presents) and lived with my mum, who already had the toilet seat situation firmly under control.

Met another for the first time (on line dating) after we'd been chatting for a while. He took me back to his house where he lived with his sister and her teenagers, then left me sat in a garden full of dog poo and an over enthusiastic staffie, with his family interrogating me, while he went into the kitchen to text me that he was in love with me.

Actually, I think those were quite valid reasons.

A toilet seat? Good grief!

I was given a loo seat as a gift by my husband. For my 50th birthday. I didn't dump him over it but he's never been allowed to forget that I didn't consider it to be an appropriate gift for a milestone birthday.

And we did need a new one.

1. He was an atrocious kisser. It felt like you were being eaten by an awful sucky sort of alien.

1. He was in his early 20s and lived with his parents (this was a very long time ago!) and on our second date he asked me to call round and collect him at a certain time because we were going onto an event that was close by. When I arrived at the stated time, he opened the door, said "I'm sorry but I'm still having my tea. Obviously you can't come in because you weren't invited to tea. If you wait in the garden I'll only be 10 minutes". I didn't bother waiting...

I once had someone drool on me when we were having sex

I once broke up with someone for dribbling on me in the bath.

Others, in chronological order:

Looked like Vic Reeves, the first time we kissed a thread of saliva was strung from his lips to mine when I moved away. That was our last date (I was 14).

Finished with a university boyfriend after we had an argument about the steepness of a particular hill.

Finished with another university boyfriend after he shat himself a tiny bit at the end-of-term picnic (accidental follow-through but bleugh, go and clean yourself up, don't tell me about it!)

Invited me to stay for the weekend, then didn't have any food in the house

Repeatedly said "should of"

Current DP has a tooth-cleaning routine which I have never witnessed (will need to engineer an opportunity, just to satisfy my curiosity) but which results in massive globules of toothpaste around the sink. He also never puts the lid back on anything. But somehow this is endearing rather than annoying. And he's never drooled on me

I've just remembered another one - a match.com date who passed the whole of dinner with a strand of pizza cheese stuck running from his mouth right down his chin. Not his fault really but I could not handle it...

Lots of little things but the nail in the coffin being that he didn't like asparagus (symptomatic of an unadventurous eater in general).

1: wore y-fronts, kept post it notes round the flat with things like "do laundry every Wednesday.....must water the plants everyday" and farted during sex.

1. Told me he loved me after 2 days :o then bought me petrol station flowers.
2. My DM pointed out he wore jeans like my dad...went off him right away.
3. Had a funny walk (shame cos he was quite good in bed)
4. Had a very tiny Willy and I'm sure to this day he stole my dirty underwear.

Lady hips

Second date there was a big green bogie stuck in his nasal hair.

I stopped dating a guy because I wanted to be free at the weekends to go out with my friends (one of whom I fancied like mad). Really a low point.