AIBU to have found childbirth unbearably agonising?

[Caff2]

Just that. I had an elective section with ds2 because of it. And yet I have friends and read on here of people who "did it naturally" or "just had a bit of gas and air at the end".

Why was childbirth so awfully painful for me?

I don't think its pain thresholds, mum has 8 kids and says none of her labours were the same, she's had some without any pain relief and others that she says were horrendous. My 2 were very easy but I have a really low pain threshold and know that it was luck.

It's NOT about pain thresholds. I used to think it might be, then had a nigh on painless labour myself. I deliver babies for a living and there's no way the difference between my labour and a labour where someone is screaming in agony can have anything to do with pain thresholds. I'm not wolverine. It's to do with tiredness, stress, position of baby, pelvis size/shape etc etc... A millions things, very few of which the labouring woman can do anything about. I think you just have to accept the labour you have and take the pain relief you need.

I hate all this crap about pain thresholds.

My first DC's labour hurt like hell on earth because it was a difficult labour. Back to back, took five days to fully dialate and she was huge. Second DC was pretty much a textbook labour and smaller baby and I was in much less pain. I don't imagine my personal pain threshold differed between the two.

I know some women are in huge amounts of pain even with labours like my second, but I think that's probably more down to their own physiology or other factors than a lesser ability to cope with pain. I think the whole concept of coping better or worse during labour is a bit shit. Some labours are just tougher than others, for whatever reason.

Also it gives such a poor message to women who don't have an easy time in childbirth
Better to say it is different for everyone
Excruciating might be a possibility
I was set up to fly through it v fit healthy etc...had done all the right things had a v experienced doula etc
She ended up in a terrible state too as we genuinely thought dd would be born dead by the end of it all

More honestly is more useful
No place for smuggery

Purply - only a vanishingly small number of women in uk hospitals have no pain relief

When I had my third I used a birthing pool. Sure enough, in the 'pain relief' box they listed the birthing pool.

It's no wonder the stats show that a 'vanishingly small number of women have no pain relief'.

Wiggly- I'm sorry my comment annoyed you but I do know how bad it can be. My first labour was induced. My waters broke on the Saturday morning, I had 3 nights of contractions and no sleep before being admitted on the Tuesday afternoon and put on Syntocin drip. Dd was back to back and in an odd position. After three hours of pushing I was taken to theatre where they attempted a ventouse delivery. This didn't work so they had to push her part way up the birth canal and do an EMCS.

I found it (labour not CS!) very manageable without pain relief and just focused on shutting out the pain. At the point when they decided to take me to theatre though I lost it as I let the fear overwhelm me and for a few minutes I was in agony and,as some previous posters have said, I felt like I wanted to die as it was so unbearable. Fortunately DH managed to calm me down and get me focused again and then I got back on top of the pain. My point is that the mind is extremely powerful. If you can manage to use it so that you can shut out the pain then it is the best pain relief there is. I appreciate that not everyone will be able to do it but I think it goes a long way to explaining why some women experience more pain than others.

YANBU.

Labour with DS (six weeks old) was a world of agony.

Character building, though and I'd do it again

(The forgetting hormones have worked their magic, you see.)

YANBU. My labour (induced, but just prostin, my waters went on their own, no drip) was the single most painful experience of my life! Extreme, extreme agony as soon as my waters went - it got no worse and no easier, contractions 90 seconds apart. Thank fuck for epidural - which I got within 30 mins as was so distraught. Dilated from 1-10cm in an hour or so

I remember thinking at the time that this must be what it feels like to die in a car crash

And I was in a good state of mind! Was looking forward to my induction! Hospitals/doctors make me feel calm and serene!

I'm pregnant with DC2 now (what was I thinking?!) and I am hoping I get to have an epidural ASAP or I get to have a c-section. My DH thinks I should demand a CS. He reckons if men had babies, ELCS would the default and natural birth would be viewed as a barbaric process similar to an exploded appendix (ie best to be avoided at all costs).

I am just and think WTF when I hear some friends describe labour as "really bad period pains". If I had period pains even remotely akin to my labour pains I'd have a hysterectomy!!!

JapaneseJean - do you live in Japan or is that just a name? Where are you not allowed pain relief?! That's barbaric

Surely epidurals are available where you are japanesejean???

marrow honestly, just stop with the mind over matter stuff. It's so patronising.

curious is right. Sometimes all the preparation, positive mental attitude, Hypnobirthing, deep breathing, mindfulness etc etc really doesn't help. And often people come out of it very traumatised that they were told that it was just a case of mind over matter. I know someone who's so upset by it that she can't even talk about the birth of her dd, several years on.

You get what you get. If you can manage without pain relief you are lucky, nothing else.

But using the pool is a very effective form of pain management for some women - they're certainly much less likely to request an epidural if they have access to a pool, and more likely to report satisfaction with their birth.

Rally - it's more than just luck in most cases.

The single most influential factor when it comes to how you feel after having a baby is WHERE you give birth and how you're looked after.

Interestingly, women who plan to give birth in settings (home/birth centres) where epidurals are not immediately available, as a group, report higher levels of satisfaction with their births.

Oh no JapaneseJean!! Fuck. Can you demand one in advance, write on your notes etc?? Are there other drugs available? Can you request an ELCS?

Fucking misogynistic money saving bullshit to deny women pain relief in labour.

Mind over matter hahahahahahahahaha

Lemis - if using a pool is so effective for pain relief why dont they use it during other painful procedures such as tooth extraction or re-setting bones?

I had a home way birth with DD. It was just as agonisingly painful as the hospital births for my first two.

Mind over matter is fine - of course you'll never know whether positive thinking got you through or your body just found it easier than some.

Japanese Jean, are you actually Japanese? If you are also a national of another country, could you not do your pregnancy in Japan and then nip back home for the actual birth? I see that a lot here. I've also never known of a Japanese woman (from japan I mean, not ethnically Japanese but bought up in Britain) to accept an epidural either in my hospital in the uk, interestingly.

It is luck-I had 3 children in 3 different hospitals- didn't write birth plans - was too pessimistic to have a home birth (wanted to be in the right place if complications)- had 3 lovely births and as soon as I did it I wanted to do it again! Pure luck!

I've had two water births and one dry land. All drug free, and agonising. The water did not help in the slightest for pain relief but it did help my mobility. ANd contained all the mess.

Purply

I say, if you want to give birth with no pain relief, or in a pool, or standing on you head, or with all the drugs, or by ELCS - that should be your choice

There is no way men would stand for anything other than total free choice in this matter (medical concerns for baby aside).

Sadly some of the more vocal "sisterhood" and the hierarchy in midwifery (I've had some experience working with it) think women should all take the same view of the "right" way to have a baby. Ie their way.

Childbirth for most hurts like a mofo. Look after women and give them drugs if they want them, for the love of god!!!

It is unfair to make people feel they are lacking if they have difficult births. You can't plan for it, which is why I didn't bother. I don't think I have a high pain threshold. Probably I just happen to have childbearing hips.