AIBU to have found childbirth unbearably agonising?

[Caff2]

Just that. I had an elective section with ds2 because of it. And yet I have friends and read on here of people who "did it naturally" or "just had a bit of gas and air at the end".

Why was childbirth so awfully painful for me?

"Do you call not admitting women in early labour 'poor care' - even if by doing this hospitals will have to increasingly close their doors to women in established labour? I live in the real world. Where do you live?"

I think it is poor care not to support women AT ALL in early labour, the now-defunct domino system you mentioned earlier did seem to offer that support but cannot now be afforded, I suppose.

This poor care should not be justified by saying 'well all we could offer you is a paracetamol anyway, so off you trot'.

'Women have been doing it for centuries ...its what our bodies were designed to do'

There is a story in Genesis that makes it clear that childbirth is a curse. Whether the Adam and Eve story has any truth is another matter, but I feel it is evidence that cavewomen suffered unbelivable pain in childbirth.

I hate these threads. Childbirth is not a competition and there are times when women do need industrial pain relief. There are factors that vary from woman to woman and baby to baby. I had an epidural for my first, but no pain relief whatsoever for my second. My pain threshold has not changed and I was not weak when I had my first baby. Ds was born in a horrible position and I tore badly. DD was far more considerate and came out easily with no stitches.

"A lot of it is really down to your mental attitude and the whole fear, tension, pain cycle.. - "

I agree with Softlysoftlycatchymonkey that statement is smug shite. I fear that poster is temping fate if she has another child.

In my case Ds was born in a superman position which mean his arm came out before his head. Even though he was a really small baby he was harder to push out. Dd was a bigger baby but she kept her arms in a better position. - Nothing to do with my mindset or ablity to cope with pain.

My dear, you will find this across the board in the NHS. I've joined a campaign for increasing midwife numbers, increasing case-loading care, and for years I've sat on the MSLC at our local hospital making a case for compassionate evidence based care. What are YOU doing to improve the situation?

There is no need to be patronising lemis. This is a classic argument which is always wheeled out to undermine people who question a status quo. "Oh, but what about XYZ you could be doing, don't you think that is more important?" etc etc etc.

Just because not everyone can volunteer in the way which you do, doesn't mean that their contributions to this or any other discussion are less valid than yours.

Reassuring to see some posters who agree with me appear - I know everyone has different opinions but I felt like I was barking up an imaginary tree. No support at all for women in early labour is unsatisfactory. Being sent home or told not to come in when you are exhausted, throwing up and in a huge amount of pain is just as likely to make you upset or distressed and slow your labour down for some women as coming into a clinical hospital setting will for other women. Support needs to be there for women who prefer to birth at home, and women who are seriously struggling in early labour.

Obviously we can each only talk about our own labour experience. I imagine I would be toeing a different line if I'd had a labour that from start to finish look less than 24 hours. But 36+ hours of early labour and such regular vomiting that when I finally hit 4cm and was admitted both my baby and I were tachycardic from dehydration means I'm rather pro some more care during early labour. I told them I'd had HG throughout my pg. I told them I was vomiting all the time and couldn't keep liquids down. I was told that that's what women do in early labour, and ignored. That worked well, didn't it? I can't imagine being dehydrated and eventually tachycardic exactly helped my labour progress well...

"Mental attitude" can whistle for all the help it will do an undiagnosed breech or a 2 day early labour.

Accepting that when a woman presents in considerable pain and distress prior to 4cm dilated that this might be an indication that something is not progressing as usual with the labour would be a fantastic start. I've seen midwives of this board acknowledge this, though they were tied by the regulations from doing anything about it.

I would guess that a significant majority of women who go on to have pain relief and intervention free vaginal births were over and done within 24 hours. I would guess that the significant majority of women who opt for an epidural had very long labour or other signs that things were not progressing in a standard way.

I have a high pain threshold. I have given birth to two large babies, torn badly each time. It's fucking agony!! So much depends on your internal structure.

If I do it again I am demanding an epidural the moment my waters go. Never ever again.

I have a low pain threshold, but my second labour was almost pain free. (Inspite of the first labour being horrid)

Labour is not always agony, some women are lucky.

I don't think the pain-fear-tension link is total bull. Positioning and anatony apart (because they can't be changed by thinking positively) someone who is scared and threatened will tense up and produce adrenaline, which is the absolute opposite of what you need in labour. So yes, pain is increased or even caused by fear and tension but it would be naive to suggest that all pain can be solved by removing fear and tension. I also think that people's level of acceptable pain and their willingness to experience it varies and that it is absolutely their right to feel the way they do and request pain relief.

There don't have to be two camps of 'labour was orgasmic' and 'labour was excruciating'. But fundamentally if you need pain relief at any stage you should be entitled to ask for it and get it within a reasonable timescale (if clinically appropriate).

thurlow I guess I was lucky in a way. I was in excruciating amounts of pain, yet on examination wasn't even 2cm dilated. The only reason I had been asked to come in was because my waters had broken, and we knew DD was breech. Had she been undiagnosed breech (as nearly happened to me, luckily I had a growth scan at 32 weeks that spotted her position after the midwife has assured me she was head down, and actually did happen to two women I know) then I would have been sent away until I hit active labour or until 24 hours after my waters broke.

As it was, I was left alone, in agony, in the labour ward for hours at a time, the midwives popped in once to say there'd been a higher category emergency and I was being bumped down the theatre list. I was in so much pain I honestly thought I was going to give birth before the midwives came back.

As I said earlier, I believe pain like that is a warning.

A good midwife will admit a mother in early labour if the mother is extremely distressed and if she can admit her - if there is room.

But to make a policy of admitting all mothers in early labour, on the grounds that it's 'more caring'?

Just, no!

Even if the hospital was prepared to divert much more money into this area, knowing that the net clinical result will be a rise in women in the unit having dysfunctional labours, more c-sections, more forceps deliveries, how would they justify it, if they were having to take money away from things that make birth safer for women?

I feel that admitting a woman to a hospital in early labour would be a disaster. However women in early labour do need some form of care.

One to one care is the best way to reduce pain and increase good outcomes for mothers. I don't agree with mothers being admitted to hospital if she is in early labour, but she does need care from a midwife. I feel that domino midwifery service is the best way to manage the care of women in early labour. The midwife would travel with the mother to the hospital.

I had a homebirth and it was far more relaxed than a hospital birth. There was no stress of parking or traffic. I felt happier being in my own surroundings.

YANBU I howled, I screamed, I cursed. I had pethidine (to shut me up coz the noise I was making was annoying people) with my first and a bit of gas and air although that made me throw up so I flung it across the room and roared like a total psycho instead. that was with my first. I didn't get the epidural I was desperate for at the time because I was wrongly told I was too far dilated for it. 3 hours of pushing later and DD was finally crowning I was told "oh look at that you could have had the epi after all. never mind!"

With my second I did it all the same except without the drugs I didn't have time because he was out within 7 minutes. Hurt like a bitch still but least it didn't hurt for as long.

I have a low pain threshold. in fact I consider toothache to be worse than childbirth. I am a total wimp with pain.

Admitting everyone in early labour to the labour ward would be a disaster. Antenatal ward? Possibly, but not the labour ward.

I was induced and so I was waiting for ages, having contractions, for a bed to become available on labour ward so that my waters could be broken. We got in there and realised they'd already gone and I hadn't realised, and there was meconium - I dread to think what would've happened if it had taken all the longer to get me into labour ward and examined because all the beds were taken up by women who were 1cm dilated and nowhere near waters breaking or giving birth.

Antenatal ward would probably be the best compromise. That way women who are struggling have access to midwives and to pethidine/morphine if they have been going for a day or two and need some rest.

I don't think it's got anything to do with pain threshold. All of my labours have been different. First one, I was begging for an epidural at 2cm dilated, and those contractions were worse than any part of my next labour. Having said that, it's all bloody painful, and I say that as someone who's had both a hospital birth with epidural and a natural home birth - neither was easier or harder.

Disagree that women in early labour shouldn't be admitted to the labour ward too. I was, bedcause they were quiet enough - on the antenatal ward here, I couldn't have had pain relief, and my husband would have been kicked out. I was having contractions 2 mins apart for 24 hours, in "early labour", and needed that pain relief and my husband there. Much more so than later on in labour with my second and third babies.

One could argue that that's life dancing - it's certainly what I had to do for 36 hours of induction, absolutely terrified and my OH having to leave - both of us young, nervous first time parents absolutely terrified of what was to come, and me in agony with contractions, the last 24 hours of it I was 4cm dilated. I was allowed paracetamol and cocodamol on the antenatal ward and that was it.

People in more established labour should generally come first. Obviously in your situation where it was quiet enough, great - but that should be the exception, not the rule. Otherwise people being induced and needing the drip will be waiting for even longer because 'emergencies' - people who have just started feeling contractions - have come in and been given beds.

I reckon it's a combination of everything. Not just whether you can cope with the pain. Every one's body is different, babies get in different positions and things take different lengths of time. I thought I tthought I would be ok as have done endurance events etc but with a back to back labour I was in so much pain I was actually seeing stars.

Other people I know have had really painful first births followed by quick and almost painless subsequent ones.

I had my early labour on an antenatal ward, as I was in hospital to be induced, and I fucking hated it. Started contracting just as DH was kicked out for the night. Baby was back to back and it hurt like hell. So I spent the night contracting in the dark, feeling scared and lonely in a strange place, biting the pillow so as not to make any noise as I was surrounded by sleeping women. Couldn't have anything but paracetamol and midwives didn't give a crap. At least at home I could have moaned away and watched some distracting telly.

Can totally empathise with biting the pillow flappity. By the last night I stopped caring and just moaned and cried to my heart's content. The looks on the faces of the other women whose inductions had only just started were of complete fear the next day