AIBU to have found childbirth unbearably agonising?

[Caff2]

Just that. I had an elective section with ds2 because of it. And yet I have friends and read on here of people who "did it naturally" or "just had a bit of gas and air at the end".

Why was childbirth so awfully painful for me?

I can see that proper emotional support from a professional and a nice soothing pool are better options than being patronised and disbelieved, and not even allowed in the hospital until you are suitably dilated, in pain, and distressed.

But the system is not set up to properly support women in early labour, so to tout birthing pools as a great panacea is just unrealistic and offensive. Especially as even if you really want the pool, for various reasons you might not get one anyway.

I screamed. Actually screamed. And refused to have anyone come anywhere near me unless I was given a caesarian. And then I was in so much pain, I couldn't even move and had to be lifted on a board into the survival table.

So no. YANBU.

The gas and air brigade are just lucky.

Survival table?! Surgical table. Although, very apt.

My first one was, 36 hours of hell and a high forceps delivery. The next two were fine, 2.5. And 1.5 hrs of moderate pain.

YANBU, but neither are the women with a different experience. I had all three of my children with hypnobirthing, TENS and a bit of G&A from transition onwards. There was a point ( transition, though I never recognised it at the time even on no3) where it felt unmanageable but the rest of it was ok. If you want to have a general anaesthetic at the first twinge, or give birth at home with only a scented candle, or anything in between, that should be your choice. I would not like to give birth in a culture/time where options were not available because I think many factors that influence how much pain you experience are outside your control, so it's a combination of luck and how you personally handle it. The only prize at the end is a well mum and baby, how you get there only matters in so far as you feel your choices were respected and you were not disempowered by the experience.

I've got a fairly low pain threshold and managed 48 hours of labour with gas and air. It was horrific, and excruciating. However I was desperate to get out of hospital as soon as possible and knew an epidural would delay our release! As it was, we were out in 4 hours and had a lovely, quiet peaceful night at home together instead of being stuck on the ward .

Jean that is awful. When you do become pregnant, could you arrange to go on holiday at around your due date?

I'm a twin & had been scared silly by my Mum's gruesome tales of having us, (& my older sibling who was 10lb 10oz )

I decided that I wanted a mobile epidural from the off.

During 1of my ante-natals, I was taken to see Mr X, the big for his boots consultant anaethetist. He tried to convince me that I should try the breathing exercises, "...to breathe through your pain."

I said to Mr X, "When you can sit there and tell me that you'd give a bloke just about to have a vasectomy the same advice, then maybe I'll listen."

The nurse let out a loud snurf & rapidly left the room. When I got outside she said, "Nobody's spoken to Mr X like that before."
I said, "Happen it's time they started then."

I got my mobile epidural, the 1st time. The second is another story!

I really do feel that to deny a woman pain relief during child birth is inhumane & I wouldn't feel secure giving birth in a place like that.

Good luck Jean.

I've had two elective sections and I found them unbearable. Pain from the epidurals going in has been horrendous, being sick on the table while laying down, the tugging and pulling, feeling as though I couldn't breathe.

I've been a wreck throughout each, I shudder to think how I'd ever have coped with 'natural' labours and births.

I had induction on the drip for 1st baby (DD1) and found it unbelievably painful. 12 hour labour. Really awful and had epidural which didn't completely work.

This is why when I went into labour naturally for 2nd baby (DD2) I couldn't believe it was real labour as the pain was not that bad compared to 1st labour. 4 hour labour and only just got to hospital in time and only had one puff of Gas and Air as wasn't time for more!!!

I think all individuals feel things differently. I know women who had no epidural even though induced on drip!!

Someone will be along in a minute to say that pain relief (as in proper anaesthetic) = medicalising a natural process. That giving birth is akin to having a dump and that our bodies know what they are doing. As i said before, childbirth may be natural, but so are complications and trauma induced by agonising pain.

Rates of PND are no higher in Japan (despite their depressed economy) than they are in industrialised countries with 90% epidural rates, which suggests that the way they're delivering maternity care can't be traumatising huge numbers of women....

I had one homebirth where I didn't make a noise, and one very quick induction where I screamed and clawed at the bed rails trying to get away from my body.

All births are different, depending on all sorts of factors.

I don't think I have a high pain threshold. I think I'm just lucky and had very quick and easy labours. That combined with my total terror of having an epidural meant no pain relief for me.

Re Japan, i'd be suspicious of the stats, given that the popular medical wisdom is apparently that women need to endure pain in order to bond with their babies.

I found early labour harder/more painful than when things really "got going".

Dd1 was back to back, 9lb12oz 4 days before edd, arm, 37 hours with syntocin drip at one point, a bit of pethedine and G&A. Ventouse in the end. Ds was an easy 10 hours from waters breaking, just G&A and at 10 days early was 9lb3oz. Dd2 was 12 hours from induction to delivery, smaller than the others "only" 7lb15oz at 36+6 (I was really unwell in the pregnancy).

I don't know why I managed all that without epidural or CS - part of it with dd1 was that I was in a remote location and an on-call anaesthetist would have had to come in, the obstetrician had already come in. I also suffered badly from kidney stones with ds and dd2's pregnancies, so labour wasn't scary sore and the beginning of the end of the stones! Once I felt that labour was 'productive' I was fine! After labouring 12 hours with dd1 I was 1cm - that was when I got the pethedine!!

Glad you're here to form an opinion for all women, everywhere, oldgimmer

Denying women pain relief in labour if they want it, yay what progress

"Someone will be along in a minute to say that pain relief (as in proper anaesthetic) = medicalising a natural process. As i said before, childbirth may be natural, but so are complications and trauma induced by agonising pain."

Epidurals do medicalise a natural process. There's no getting away from that. That doesn't mean they shouldn't be offered and don't have an important place in caring for labouring women.

Interestingly though, just choosing to have your baby in an environment where epidurals are readily available appears to double your likelihood of having a complicated birth. Hence the recent NICE recommendations that low risk women seriously consider choosing midwife led settings for birth.

There is an argument that many of the things that happen on labour wards (supine birth, induction, monitoring, lack of continuity of care) make childbirth much more difficult to cope with for women, and the stats support this. Given that 95% of women in the UK give birth in an obstetric setting that's obviously going to impact on general opinion when you ask the question 'is labour hideously painful'?

If you ask a group of women who chose out of hospital settings for birth (birth centres, home) you'd find the general gist would be 'yes painful, hideously so sometimes, but manageable and not traumatising all the same'.

leMis regarding Japanese lack of pain relief, rates of PND are be less revealing than the number of people who go on to have a 2nd, 3rd or 4th kid surely? (ive no idea of the stats actually, just thinking that proof of the pudding is in how many people dare to do it twice!)

My labours have all been hard - 11lb baby, a shoulder dystocia, poor presentation, and in my last one getting stuck at 8cm for 12 hours.

How in god's name did you survive???? Second birth 4 weeks ago, I got to 8cm in about 2 hours. Then I asked for pain relief but it was too late. (no gas and air, no pethedine, no epidural, not even paracetamol). Then the contractions upped and went on holiday permanently and i was at 8cm for another 1 3/4; had to push the baby out on my own ... and I thought that 1 3/4 hours at 8cm was bad.

You were at 8cm for twelve hours? I can't imagine how you survived!

Zara

Where did I make an argument for women being denied pain relief when they'd requested it?

Even women who opt to try for a homebirth can transfer in for an epidural in the UK if they want one.

I didnt find it that painful, mind, I only ever got to 4cm after 11 hours, my and DD had enough by then and an EMCS it was.

lemiserable that fits my experience - I had a low-pain birth in a birth centre and then a much more painful hospital induction. With no complications, I'd choose a birth centre or home birth as I feel like that environment is some level of pain relief in itself. If I had to labour in hospital again, I would have an epidural.

Meerka - I was at home for most of my labour, with a midwife friend caring for me who I had a strong relationship of trust with. I knew my baby was well, and I was well. I coped. I wouldn't have coped with this labour in a hospital setting, and actually I wouldn't have been 'allowed' to progress in this fashion - I would have been strongly pressured to have syntocinon and have my waters broken. I probably would have had an epidural. Who knows how the labour would have resolved if this had been done. As it was I had a normal birth.

My mum gave birth to me in under 3 hours. Elder brother she was in labour with for 3 days (longer than Britney Spears' first marriage).

She tiny - 4 11' - and weighed nine stone when 9 months pregnant. She also has a low pain threshold but claims the labour with me was "not something I'd want to do everyday but not what you'd call painful."

I have no reason to doubt her though. The only explanation I can think of is that years later a doctor told her she had "a very wide cervix". ("Thank you!") And secondly, presumably due to her height and weight, she's usually semi conscious after 2 glasses of wine. The Gas and Air must have hit her in a way it doesn't for people of a more average build.

Lemis - i'm not the slightrst bit surprised thst hospitals make difficult births more likely, totally agree that the unsympathetic understaffed production line setup will mess with hormones and increase distress. The fact that yiu cant access medicsl provision until you are deemed to be 'properly' in labour doesnt jelp. But that is just ONE aspect of the denial of choice and callous attitude to women in pain.

"Re Japan, i'd be suspicious of the stats, given that the popular medical wisdom is apparently that women need to endure pain in order to bond with their babies."

I think there are some interesting discussions to be had about the altered hormonal physiology of labour and the immediate post-natal period that comes with having an epidural - what difference this might make to the interaction of mothers and babies, and whether there is any significance to it. It's a shame that we can't discuss this issue as women without people becoming hysterical about it.