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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to have found childbirth unbearably agonising?

394 replies

Caff2 · 27/05/2014 19:36

Just that. I had an elective section with ds2 because of it. And yet I have friends and read on here of people who "did it naturally" or "just had a bit of gas and air at the end".

Why was childbirth so awfully painful for me?

OP posts:
rallytog1 · 27/05/2014 19:51

I don't think it's just about pain thresholds.

When I was in labour with dd the pain was nothing short of terrifying. I couldn't cope with it or calm myself down. It was horrendous. So I thought I must have a low pain threshold.

However, I was on a catheter with a gauge twice as wide as my urethra for three weeks following the birth (long story). I found it a bit hurty and uncomfortable, but bearable. When it was taken out, the mw and doctor in the room both gasped with horror and couldn't stop apologising that they hadn't given me morphine. Apparently I should have been in a world of pain.

So I don't think there's any such thing as a high or low pain threshold. There's a whole range of circumstances that can affect how your body and mind will react to different kinds of pain.

mineofuselessinformation · 27/05/2014 19:52

I has a completely shitty birth with dc1. My sister is a midwife and ribbed me mercilessly about it - until I told her the whole story....
My birth with dc2 couldn't have been more easy - but that's not to say yours will be.
I completely understand why you're going for c section. I hope it all goes well. Smile

NigelMirage · 27/05/2014 19:52

I don't think it's just pain threshhold (that makes it sound a bit like some women are somehow braver than others and put up with more pain.

I think it's because our "internal architecture" is all different, and whilst some women can sneeze them out with a delicate whimper, others have a much, much more painful time because they are structured a bit differently.

Ignore the "only gas an air" militants (do they want a badge?) and put it down to unfortunate architecture!

Billygoats · 27/05/2014 19:52

Same here op. mine was terrible and recovery much worse. I'm already dreading a second!

How did you find your c section?

Ragwort · 27/05/2014 19:52

YANBU.

I don't understand how anyone has more than one child Grin - I ended up with an EMCS (for which I am eternally grateful) so most of the pain was blocked out and I had no complications from the CS but NO WAY would I ever have put myself through that experience again.

Those of you who do go on to have more children, do you blot out the pain or genuinely believe it is worth it to have another child?

TheScience · 27/05/2014 19:53

Yep, total agony - thank fuck for epidurals Grin

I think birth experience is a pretty complex mix of length of labour, baby's position, mother's physiology, mental state, how your support is etc.

JonSnowKnowsNothing · 27/05/2014 19:53

Hello Caff, tis I, your wonderful childless RL friend, popping on to unhelpfully tell you not to be such a cry baby! Woman up, it can't be THAT bad...

TheScience · 27/05/2014 19:55

Ragwort - Partly forgetting how bad it was, partly the pain being worth it and partly thinking it would be shorter/easier the 2nd time (it wasn't).

WhoDaresWins · 27/05/2014 19:55

I had no pain relief but not because I'm a hard nut. I begged for an epidural but it was too late. I just had to get through it. Taken in isolation, it was probably the worst experience of my life.

Thumbcat · 27/05/2014 19:55

I thought I was well hard but childbirth was unimaginably painful. I was planning to have an epidural but ended up with no pain relief due to hospital incompetence and it turned out even the gas and air they gave me was empty. Most horrendous experience of my life.

However, my friend's DH assures me that a kick in the nuts is the most painful thing a person can suffer Hmm

Norfolknway · 27/05/2014 19:56

It hurts. Really hurts. YANBU
My 2nd one hurt the most as it happened really fast and the diamorphine hadn't kicked in Shock

Then it hurts for ages afterwards.

Oh, it hurts for about 9 months pre-labour too.

It's all about the pain, reallyConfused

Marrow · 27/05/2014 19:57

A lot of it is really down to your mental attitude and the whole fear, tension, pain cycle. If you approach the birth process positively and have prepared for it then you will be able to cope better with the pain. There are lots of techniques that you can use to help with pain. I have experienced several things that were far more painful than either of my labours. However I was able to remove and kind of detach myself from it so that I was able to get through it.

trappedinsuburbia · 27/05/2014 19:57

Yanbu, I warned the midwives when I was screaming for an epidural baby would be about to pop out.
I actually managed on gas and air and lots of screaming 2nd time round as I wasn't as scared as 1st time and I think that made a huge difference to how I coped.
Still bloody ouch though !

theduchesse · 27/05/2014 19:58

I also don't buy the pain threshold idea. Different people actually experience a different amount of pain for many different reasons.

Think about menstrual cramps. Some women are in so much pain they can barely get out of bed, others need painkillers every month, some have barely any pain at all. I am in the last camp for this and it's not because I am some hard arse with a high pain threshold it's because it genuinely isn't that painful for me.

Birth on the other hand is something that my body is rubbish at and hurt like hell for me and went on forever. That's not pain threshold, that's my body having no clue what it's doing. Don't even get me started on midwives who judge how much pain you are in by how dilated you are. Just because my contractions were ineffective doesn't mean they hurt less!

Thepaintedveil · 27/05/2014 19:59

I was induced with my first and it was an incredibly quick labour-an hour and half in total. Went from nothing to hard labour in 30 minutes. No pain relief as midwife left me thinking I would be hours yet!

I then had to have 2 c sections. I would choose natural labour over a section any day.

softlysoftly · 27/05/2014 19:59

Pain thresholds is bollocks. I cry at toe stubbing.

DD1 was totally unbearable. I howled and lost the plot until the lovely epidural kicked in and then wept for 2 weeks at the pain of the episiotimy and anal tear (nice).

DD2 I did hypnobirthing she was in a better position and I was so prepared for the panicky agony of before that I ended up sleeping through the majority of it and delivering her head on the pavement outside the hospital as I wandered in from the car park.

I STILL very when I stub my toe, DD2 was just a very unusual labour I think.

DD3 due in 4 weeks have no clue how it/I will be!

OrangeMochaFrappucino · 27/05/2014 19:59

My first birth was not very painful. It just wasn't, even though I am usually a total wuss. It was a water birth, very calm and it was also quick - 5.5hrs. I had no pain relief at all as I didn't need it.

My second was an early induction, I was more scared and less 'ready', it was a hospital and that made me less comfortable. The birth was significantly more painful. I had gas and air and remember that just before pushing, the pain really did feel unbearable. The gas and air made me feel sick by then so I had to do the rest on my own. If that labour hadn't have been so quick (3 hrs) I would have asked for an epidural.

So I think births are just different. Not inevitably agonizing but it certainly can be!

Enjoyingmycoffee1981 · 27/05/2014 19:59

Lower pain threshold. It really is true.

I was speaking to the beautician who does my waxing. She said that some women swear, and grip her, and practically scream, when she is doing their waxing.

It's a safe bet that women like that aren't going to enjoy childbirth!

I found it excruciating. Absolutely excruciating. But at the same time, I was quite stoical about it because it was short, it was adrenaline fuelled, and I knew something pretty special was going to be the end result.

Not dissimilar as to when I go for waxing!

softlysoftly · 27/05/2014 20:00

*cry not very

MammaTJ · 27/05/2014 20:02

It does bloody well hurt! No getting away from that.

How did you find recovery from ELCS versus natural childbirth?

I have done birth three different ways. Natural with DD1, EMCS with epidural with DD2 and EMCS with anaesthetic with DS.

I think recovery with DD1 was easy. With DD2 I just got on with it and forgot about me because she was so poorly, so that doesn't give a true reflection. DS maybe doesn't either as I was in ICU after and very poorly.

I wondered if an ELCS would be better?

Hikonyan · 27/05/2014 20:03

YANBU

I remember thinking in early labour "this is a piece of piss" until my waters broke and the real pain began. Horrible.

PrincessBabyCat · 27/05/2014 20:04

Childbirth is painful. In the country where I live, about 70 percent of women have an epidural. I don't understand why this isn't the case everywhere!

Neither do I. These home/water/natural birthers are nuts! :)

If I had the choice to do it again, I might do it vaginally just because I was able to walk around 3 days later. Either way childbirth sucks all around.

I'm happy with the end product, but maybe next time I'll grow a child in a laboratory uterus. :)

StetsonsAreCool · 27/05/2014 20:04

See, I can get a wax no problem. Childbirth? Pass me the pain relief Grin

I remember seeing a friend's status when she was pg with her second baby, basically snubbing the midwife who had told her that Childbirth Is Painful. Apparently, said friend, if it hurts you're not doing it right and it's all about having the right mindset.

I howled with laughter at her. Absolutely unbelievable. A mindset can get you so far, but when you're 36 hours into labour and the baby gets stuck, you ain't thinking that baby out... Fucksake.

AntinousWild · 27/05/2014 20:05

I have an extremely high pain threshold. I have broken my foot and walked on it for days, needed no painkillers after either emcs. But labour with DD was so excruciating that I begged to die. My whole body rattled with pain. She was ot and asynclitic, twisted up and presenting ear first. They tried a manual rotation, both hands in me and swearing with the effort, tried a ventouse and pulled me down the bed. Getting her out via cs caused me and her damage she was so stuck. Thresholds are fuck all to do with it.

LadyIsabellaWrotham · 27/05/2014 20:05

When people get hippy dippy about the naturalness of birth and the ability to cope through whale song and happy thoughts, I remind them of the Book of Genesis. This was written in a time of no real medicine, no dentistry, frequent plagues, crop failures, famines and mass starvation, wars and occasionally being eaten by wild animals. But these people took one look at the natural childbirth process and thought "Wow, women must have really pissed off the Deity to get them punished with that!".