AIBU to have found childbirth unbearably agonising?

[Caff2]

Just that. I had an elective section with ds2 because of it. And yet I have friends and read on here of people who "did it naturally" or "just had a bit of gas and air at the end".

Why was childbirth so awfully painful for me?

I was shocked at how painful labour was, it was horrendous and I told everybody so.

My waters broke straight away, before the contractions started so my contractions were full on and intense. I hated the pressure feeling.

It was awful, I just wanted the whole thing to stop. Oh and I haemorrhaged afterwards!

I'm expecting no.2 and I'm terrified of labour again, I've no idea how to get through it apart from demanding an epidural.

It is just luck. I had mine very easily- nothing I did- just lucky.

If the pain escalates quickly I think it seems worse/ more unbearable.

No yadnbu! I managed to get to 4cm at home before going to hosp (had already been sent home a few hours
Before as I was only 1cm) was bloody agony! Was told by midwife to have a bath..and was given strong painkillers, they just made me a bit woozy, didn't help my pain! Also I managed to get stuck in the bath with dh having to haul me out like I was a beached whale (well I certainly looked like one). By the time we got to hosp I decided I was definitely having an epidural! Thankfully I was offered one and after all the agony I had been through to see the anaesthetist was sooo good..I could have kissed him. Bliss. I think everyone's labour is different though, I don't think its necessary a pain threshold thing. Im glad I had an epidural, yes it was still exhausting pushing..my ds was 10lbs 5oz, I tore very badly, but hadn't it been for my epidural I think my birth experience would have been a very different one. As a previous poster said I wanted to say to the expectant mums who came in to our ward for a look around " have an epidural" :-)

I saw a great documentary Man V Weird in which a man pulled a car along with two hooks in his eye sockets, another stuck needles through his mouth and out through his chin, a monk had his head drilled with an electric drill and came away with a mere scratch. It was behind the hands grim watching.

When one of the men had his brain tested he seem to have a normal brain and pain response but through hours and hours of training had learnt to distract/dissociate himself from the pain.

To me this suggests that everyone feels pain but that some of us might have the ability to switch off from the pain more. our brains are as different as our bodies after all.

I do think some births are more painful than others as pp have said. both mine were BtB but my first seemed a lot more painful (had epidural) but it went on at least a day or so longer and putting up with pain for hours and hours grinds you down/ tires you out/ weakens your stamina.

My first was horrendous, I ended up begging for an epidural.

The second was quite painful, but I managed with gas & air.

The third was a breeze, just needed a bit of gas & air towards the end. I think the difference was it was a home birth & I was so much more relaxed in my own environment & was able to get into the zone.

You are not alone.

It hurts like hell for most people. If men had to give birth, drugs would be de rigour and there would be no judgment from other people.

I shudder every time I hear someone describe birth as a natural process. It sure didn't feel natural to me!

Pain threshold is only one of the factors. So many more, including emotional support, and confidence. Probably the biggest is yours and your baby's biological setup - no controlling that.

It doesn't help (IMO and IME) that the NHS (as a system) seems to be set up to provide as little emotional support and pain relief as possible, due to 'natural' doctrine which conveniently fits in with being the cheapest option.

The thing is that yes, birth is natural, but so is the pain and complications.

I'm the biggest wimp in the world yet I had 3 labours naturally without even gas/air BUT I have been lucky enough to have very very short labours (last 12 mins) I think it's easier to cope with that level of pain for a short time but stuff doing it for 12 hours or something I really couldn't cope with the psin for that long!

Purply - only a vanishingly small number of women in uk hospitals have no pain relief. More than one in three in some hospitals have an epidural. Most women feel they got what they asked for when it comes to pain relief.

And ironically, you're vastly more likely to get an epidural than get one to one care all through your labour from a midwife you know and trust (which is something that would probably make a huge difference to many women).

yanbu, it certainly stung a bit for me.

Lemis - really? I'm surprised. Unless they are they counting offers of paracetamol and a nice bath as pain relief?

G&A is nice but does nothing for the pain. Pethidine also nice but again, is not pain relief.

Maybe things have changed - my experience (7 years ago) was that you were actively discouraged from requesting epidurals and c-sections at every stage.

It bloody well hurt. I think that after a certain amount of time, your body 'forgets' the pain, otherwise I'm sure I would have stuck at one (I have 4 and the last 2 were 10lb and 11lb). I find it very annoying when people tell me that it didn't hurt. I had the last 3 with virtually no pain relief, but it was not by choice! I would have battered the midwife to death had she tried to take the gas and air away I think! I have a chronic back problem so do not think it have a hideously low pain threshold, childbirth is painful and it depends on the size and position of the baby, plus how long the labour lasts (quick not always being good, I can assure you...). Xx

DC1 was born at home with no analgesia. I was at home, I had one to one care from a midwife, I could wander around if I wanted. Most importantly, I didn't have contractions every 3 minutes until I was ready to push, so found things relatively easy to cope with, to the point that the midwife when she first came round didn't believe I was in labour until she examined me and found I was 7cm.

I had shingles a year or so later and said that the pain of that was worse than the pain of childbirth.

DC3 was induced at 39 weeks because of complications. While I'd wanted and my MWs supported me having an active labour, they kept losing her heartbeat on the CTG so we agreed I needed a fetal scalp monitor which kept me sitting in bed. I needed Syntocinin which ramped up my contractions and meant I didn't have any the same rest in between contractions as I did with DC1. The epidural was great, enough to deal with the agonising pain that I could do little about but nice and light enough that I could still move my legs. DC3 wasn't ideally positioned either which made things a bit more difficult again.

So, no, it isn't just pain threshold. For me, it was
positioning
moving around or not being able to
syntocinon induced contractions v natural contractions
perhaps being at home v being in hospital
having slept well the night before v having had 3 nights of more broken sleep in a postnatal ward waiting to be induced
position of the baby

I think lots of things can affect how we perceive pain, so I wouldn't beat yourself up about finding it painful!

I have a very high pain threshold, and had no conventional pain relief with dc2, other than three mins of gas and air at the very end. That said, crowning hurt like hell. The rest was manageable, but I felt like I was being ripped apart with the crowning (I wasn't...)

I think I have a high pain threshold but I found childbirth really painful. I had no pain relief at all for three of my four kids. Not through choice more because the births were quick and when the painful bits came there wasn't time for any pain relief.
DS2 was born in 50 mins from the first contraction, he was 9lbs and I screamed and screamed it hurt soooooo much. I think I might have been in shock afterwards. I had lots of stitches afterwards.

It's amazing I went on to have any more kids.

Yanbu. I have a friend who got to the hospital feeling mildly uncomfortable at 9cm. I was screaming and begging for an epidural before I was even in established labour with all of my 3 kids. Funnily enough the person I'm talking about who needed no pain relief is the biggest wimp imaginable in other circumstances, me on the other hand have walked around on a broken foot (I only found out weeks later after I fell off again and had an X-ray) and ridden a horse with 2 broken fingers taped together.
I don't know why I can't take labour pain and she can, I must have too many pain receptors down there or something!

Paracetamol is an analgesic, and pethidine and entonox are very useful for many women. And one in three women have an epidural.

Women are using more, and stronger pain relief than at any other point in UK history. That said, we've got some way to go before we hit the 90% epidural rates in some parts of the continent...

And ironically, you're vastly more likely to get an epidural than get one to one care all through your labour from a midwife you know and trust (which is something that would probably make a huge difference to many women).

That was my point re lack of emotional support. From start of pregnancy to leaving hospital (I was in for several days), I probably saw more than 20 different midwives. I was induced, and the experience was not pleasant, mainly because I had to convince a complete stranger that I was in labour (I was) who didn't believe me (I didn't look as if I was in enough pain, apparently).

So yes, a midwife who had given proper care at that stage would have made a huge difference, emotionally at least. Luckily the midwife I got for the delivery was much nicer, she still actively steered me away from an epidural though, no doubt about that.

As it turned out an epidural would probably have been a good clinical decision, as I had to have a bloody rapid epi and ventouse with insufficient local anaesthetic due to complications.

Paracetamol is an analgesic

Oh please.

I had an epidural on my first two births, my last two were natural, one with gas and air one without.
I screamed, cried, raged that i was NEVER doing it again!!!!!!
All four of my children were over 9lbs but as a friend once told me they all have heads and they all have to come out and IT BLOODY HURTS!!!!!!!!
And hopefully, if we're lucky we (meaning I) will get to do it all again :)

Well. I'm glad (well not glad that other people suffered too, but you know what I mean!) that I'm not alone.

There is a twelve year gap between my children for a reason, and that reason is that I discovered NICE guidelines re: maternal choice about C section! I did NOT forget!

Oh and all that stuff about being mentally prepared etc, after having my first, which was the worst experience of my life, I read loads of natural birthing books, learned about going with the pain rather than fighting it, breathing exercises etc, practised lots. It made sod all difference to the amount of pain I felt. Granted dd1 and 2 were easy births as they both shot out with 1 and 2 pushes respectively, and I felt much more positive and empowered etc than I did with ds whose birth I still have nightmares about, but even so the enormity of the pain is just indescribable, and it goes on for so damn long!