AIBU to have found childbirth unbearably agonising?

[Caff2]

Just that. I had an elective section with ds2 because of it. And yet I have friends and read on here of people who "did it naturally" or "just had a bit of gas and air at the end".

Why was childbirth so awfully painful for me?

Pain threshold is a pile of stinking bollocks where labour is concerned imo. My first was 36 hours of agonising back to back contractions which from the first, to the last were hell. And, because I didn't progress, I got no pain relief for 24 of those. I had five epidural top ups and still had a patch where i could feel everything. An episiotomy, infected stitches and pnd almost put me off for life. I was obsessed OP with why couldn't I do it. And had wankers tell me it was my pain threshold, and joking that I wasn't 'hard enough'.

three years later I have a two week old, 9lb8 baby. Perfectly positioned, laboured for five hours and it was painful but a whole other level of pain compared to DS, i could breathe through it, i could handle it with gas and air. I pushed her out with three pushes. I felt almost rebalanced afterwards it was so cathartic.

So there, punch anyone in the crotch who tells you that you aren't tough enough lady, its so fucking offensive.

It hurt like hell. The moment the epidural kicked in was one of pure bliss. Weeks later I was waiting for a physio appointment when a midwife came to get all the pregnant women who were waiting for the "Coping with Labour" course and I had to bite my lip not to shout "have an epidural! That's how you cope with labour!"

What I don't get is why, knowing that, I still feel the urge to try for a natural birth with DC2 in a few weeks, despite being offered a planned CS if I want one. I still feel like I should tough it out. The consultant who told me, (after I expressed my concern about having another large baby) "4.5 kilos isn't that big. You should have been able to cope with that, a strapping girl like you" didn't help either!

Yanbu. First birth was very painful from head to toe. Had an epudural. Second I didn't even know I was in labour until fully dilated. Weird. But goes to show how much it varies.

I have RA and am in pain every day. Sometimes pain so severe I can hardly walk. It is a doddle however compared to the labour I had with DS2. Contractions were so powerful and agonising my whole body contracted and I couldn't speak. I thought my uterus would fall out.
Stupid chirpy MW kept saying I couldn't have pain relief because the dr was busy so would I like a nice bath instead. I couldn't move never mind get in the bloody bath. The pushing part wasn't so bad and episiotomy wasn't either.

What really didn't help was the fact I went into labour at midnight (so no sleep), and was sleep deprived anyway due to crappy sleeper DS1. It has to be a whole host of factors that determine how painful your labour is - having a positive mindset can only get you so far, and is a bit insulting to suggest that if only we were a bit happier we could have avoided being in so much pain.

With my first I screamed the place down. Found it completely agonising and scary. Had a midwife who was rolling her eyes at me and telling me to be quiet. Ended up with a bad episiotomy. I didn't get to the hospital until 8cm and didn't feel at all in control the whole time.

Second labour was completely different. I knew how I wanted it and how to use the gas and air properly. I insisted on standing and went into myself and hardly made a noise. Strange but even though it was painful it was different. Very fast labour though at under two hours but I would do it again in a heartbeat

Every labour is different. Every woman is different and so is every baby. The fit of the baby in the mother's pelvis is a factor too. That's why it's pointless to compare birth experiences or be competitive about it.

My labour with DS1 was pretty agonizing too. Coped alright for the first 12-15 hours but then he got stuck and I was in agony. He wasn't turning and I was just beside myself, roaring in pain.

Then I got an epidural and suddenly things got moving. I relaxed, his head rotated a bit and he was born about 8 hours later, after I had been ready to give up from the intensity of the pain. So hurray for epidurals - if you don't need one, great, but if you do they're a miracle!

I totally agree that the pain threshold stuff is crap. Yes some people are tougher cookies but the same woman can have two entirely different labours. Had two near 10lb- first appalling, second not so much- shorter labour, most in the water. Relative sizes, positioning, circumstance, etc all make a difference as does tiredness/length of labour. Back to back... Horrendous. Never again!

Great to hear that Ting. Am due with DC2 now and am hoping birth will be better this time around. I do feel less fearful this time and so I hope that coupled with confidence that I can do it will make for a better experience.

Its not just 'pain threshold'. All sorts of things play a role - sometimes just luck.

I laboured for days with my first, not unbearable pain, but very wearing to be in pain cor so long - he was huge and got stuck (narrowly avoided shoulder dystocia) and ended up with an emergency section.

I have friends who had natural, fairly quick water births...so all lovely on paper...but who said that the pain at times was insane, especially during transition.

I have one friend who said her first two births were nothing worse than 'bad period pain'...then had a third (much bigger) baby and said she thought she might die from the pain.

I had an elective section with my second for medical reasons and felt almost like a fraud...all over in 45 mins and had not one iota of pain ever, before during or after.

Experiences of birth are SO different.

Nothing (or very little) to do with pain thresholds. A lot to do with physiology: how big your baby is, what position it's in, the shape of your pelvis, the efficiency with which your uterus contracts and the length of your labour. It always makes me laugh when a woman says "Oh, I didn't have pain relief, but then I've always had a high pain threshold" and then it turns out they were in labour for three hours.

I have red hair so apparently that means my pain threshold is naturally lower. That's the excuse I'm sticking to - screamed the place down in the 2 solid hours of pushing despite being told off by the midwife for doing so

It is not just about pain threshold, all labours are different. Obviously if you have a huge baby and are narrow it is gonna be a tight squeeze... So to speak. Or if you hve a big headed baby that rips you from ear hole to arsehole, its gonna bloody hurt!

In my case I was induced which Is known to be agonising, I hadn't slept for days as had been in labour on and off so lack of strength caused even lower pain threshold- plus dd was huge and was back to back.

Labour can be a breeze for some, and more power to them! But for me there were wasn't much going for me, its no bloody wonder it hurt like hell haha.

I would ask someone the details of tier birth if they care to inform you it was easy. I imagine most would have had a fairly straight forward birth if so....

There is a reason why 90% of back to back labours end in epidural. Just saying... Mines did!

I am pregnant with number two and at my first midwife apt i requested a referral to a consultant to request my c section for this one, there is no way I would chance it again. No doubt this one will be huge again and I don't want to be cut and have another instrumental delivery - hell no!

YAnBU

The "pain threshold" theory is bollocks imvho! I've had two DCs, the first labour was excruciating and I begged for (and was given) an epidural at 3cm dilated, the second I turned up at hospital 10cm dilated and managed with no pain relief. It still fucking hurt, but on a different scale. Different births, different babies, different experiences. Those who have non-painful births are just lucky.

hackmum yes, this exactly!

Labour was absolutely awful for me, painwise. But I was scared of an epidural, didn't like the gas and air, and couldn't have pethidine. So I just did it, because I had no other option.

Not just pain thresholds.

Neither of my births were back to back, yet my first birth gave me pain in the small of my back and I found that unbearable. I had all the drugs, from paracetemol to epidural and everything in between.

The second there was no pain in my back, but was too quick for my liking and it was the intensity and speed of it that frightened me (contractions were every 30 seconds for 2 hours I was told). I only had a bit of gas and air for the pain midway but it didnt mean I coped well at all - I didnt.

Im not sure which I found worse, the pain the first time or the fear and intensity the second time.

I also think its more to do with position of baby/length of labour etc than pain thresholds. I had done quite a bit of prep for the birth of ds was well and truly prepared to feel 'empowered' by his birth blah blah. However after 70 hours of trying to bring a stuck baby into the world I felt anything but empowered, I felt like shit! Dd was a similar story although was a slightly quicker labour, I was really quite disappointed about her birth as everyone had said how second labours are so much easier etc and I had been looking forward to having a nice experience and it just wasn't that. I am also a little bit bitter that my decision to have a third has been sort of taken away by the fact that I just don't want to go through it and feel like a bit of a failure all over again. Then I get a grip and realise I have 2 amazing kids who are healthy and happy!

Having said all of that, I don't really envy the 'first twinge to baby arriving in 1 hour' people either. Anything in your body dialating to 10cm in that amount of time has GOT to hurt!

Before I had my DC, I thought the most painful experience I ever had was stepping barefoot on an upturned plug!

I found childbirth excruciatingly painful and I am in awe of women who state that they forget the pain as soon as their baby is born. I can remember every contraction. (shudder)

I always thought that, but a good friend of mine gave birth 6 weeks ago and went from first pain to having him in her arms in 40 minutes. Obviously no midwife, just husband and 2 year old to catch the baby.

I said I felt for her, that it must have been agony. She said it was no worse than her first labour (5 hours) and that she much preferred it because it was over before she knew it.

Bitch.

Ive had the 'cherry' of a cigarette stubbed (accidentally) into my eye once.

I still reckon that is worse than childbirth.

It was so painful for me I was vomiting with it.

I was able to accept the pain, though it was terrifying and huge. I put myself in the hands of my midwife and all was well in the end.

I think there are many additional favtors that can make excruciating pain like this traumatising. I was lucky to have great care.

Pain threshold is bollocks. I had one messy and be "easy" labour (I think the damage was done the first time so DD2 bungied her way out).

Big difference for me the second time was there were fewer unknowns, the first time not knowing what to expect nor how long it was going to last was terrifying.

Sorry - that should have read "one messy and one easy labour"

Hackmum - but some people do cope with long and very painful labours without drugs. My labours have all been hard - 11lb baby, a shoulder dystocia, poor presentation, and in my last one getting stuck at 8cm for 12 hours. I've had two labours where it's taken me 24 hours of strong contractions to get from 6cm to delivery.

Some people just cope with some kinds of torture better than others. I am amazed at people who run marathons and who do spinning classes and 1000 crunches a day. I couldn't do that, but I can do horrendous labours but only with the help of a stonkingly good midwife