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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to have found childbirth unbearably agonising?

394 replies

Caff2 · 27/05/2014 19:36

Just that. I had an elective section with ds2 because of it. And yet I have friends and read on here of people who "did it naturally" or "just had a bit of gas and air at the end".

Why was childbirth so awfully painful for me?

OP posts:
KittiesInsane · 27/05/2014 20:05

Well, I had two with 'strong but bearable' contractions, and then the third child... bloody hell that hurt.

doziedoozie · 27/05/2014 20:05

I 'only had a bit of gas and air' but it was so awful I had a second baby 14.5 months later because I thought if I didn't get it done with I wouldn't have any more at all.

LaurieFairyCake · 27/05/2014 20:06

Obviously your own individual pain threshold is based on who you are as an individual - so including your mental resilience, experience of past pain, expectations, ability to trust others including hcp's, support, loads of other factors.

I have no physical pain threshold due to being beaten as a child (I overreact to small amounts of pain and adrenaline and cortisol levels kick in early), bruise very easily, have overly mobile joints, but have an ability to cope with mental pain.

AntinousWild · 27/05/2014 20:08

And I had a 38hr back to back labour with dc2, was utterly painless. Different days, different babies.

Dovetale · 27/05/2014 20:08

I don't think it is down to pain threshold or mental attitude. I am a total wuss when it comes to pain and a really pessimistic worrier.

However during labour it hurt but I never thought I was going to die like some of my friends did. They have before and since always been more brave and positive than I am.

I think some labours are just more painful than others and it's the luck of the draw what you get.

ShineSmile · 27/05/2014 20:09

I had a very very high pain threshold. I had anal fissures etc and could cope through them. I also wouldn't even flinch when taking a blood test for example. I thought birth wouldn't be too bad.

However, birth pain was VERY very very painful. I genuinely thought I was going to die. If I could go back, I would have taken an epidural and written it in my plan. I wrote in my birth plan that I just wanted gas and air.

The sad thing is my pain threshold is so low now that even blood tests are painful for me Shock

LillianGish · 27/05/2014 20:11

Because it is painful and I don't think it helps that some people try to make out it's nothing and that it is in some way your fault if it is painful. I think stories about "breathing your baby out" set up false expectation. I much prefer the French approach - admit it hurts and offer decent pain relief in the form of an epidural, no obligation to take it, but you don't feel that you've wimped out because you do.

nochips01 · 27/05/2014 20:11

I don't think it is a high threshold thing. I had a bad accident 20 years ago and smashed my pelvis arm, shoulder blade, leg etc. So I thought/think I had a pretty high pain threshold.

Labour was worse than that for me.... but then DS got stuck in my under-performing pelvis.

Greenstone · 27/05/2014 20:12

Aw I really can't believe it's a pain threshold thing. I have a high pain threshold normally: waxing, period pain, hurting myself etc. is a piece of piss. And...

  • I was not afraid of labour
  • I was fit and healthy
  • I had loads of support, nice midwives, and had done hypnobirthing.
  • I did not scream, cry or threaten anyone during labour. I went silent.

But...

I was utterly utterly bowled over by how painful I found it the contractions. (My waters had broken before contractions started; the midwife said afterwards that this can make things more painful but I haven't really heard this anywhere else.) It sort of felt like I was drowning or dying. So I had an epidural. It wore off for the pushing stage, which was super hard work but not frighteningly painful like the contractions were.

I just think that some births are extremely painful and some are less painful. A lot of the women in my family have had 4/5 kids and they all say this (and the painful ones aren't necessarily the firstborns).

Talisawasnotsupposedtobethere · 27/05/2014 20:13

I also think its more to do with position of baby/length of labour etc than pain thresholds. I had done quite a bit of prep for the birth of ds was well and truly prepared to feel 'empowered' by his birth blah blah. However after 70 hours of trying to bring a stuck baby into the world I felt anything but empowered, I felt like shit! Dd was a similar story although was a slightly quicker labour, I was really quite disappointed about her birth as everyone had said how second labours are so much easier etc and I had been looking forward to having a nice experience and it just wasn't that. I am also a little bit bitter that my decision to have a third has been sort of taken away by the fact that I just don't want to go through it and feel like a bit of a failure all over again. Then I get a grip and realise I have 2 amazing kids who are healthy and happy!

Having said all of that, I don't really envy the 'first twinge to baby arriving in 1 hour' people either. Anything in your body dialating to 10cm in that amount of time has GOT to hurt!

Silvercatowner · 27/05/2014 20:13

It depends so much on so many different things. I had no pain relief and it hurt like hell - I coped (I think) due to a combination of my own disposition and the support I had. Everyone round me was focussed on putting me at my ease. I reckon pain in an unfamiliar, medicalised, unsupportive environment is far worse.

Iwillorderthefood · 27/05/2014 20:13

Just about to do it a third time, probably should not be reading this thread, I shouted and screamed my way through both times, and will probably do it again. No epidural last time as I arrived at the hospital too late. With epidural could not push properly, without the epidural could push, but still had meptid. Don't want to go through childbirth without any pain relief ever.

SaucyJack · 27/05/2014 20:14

YANBU. Bollocks to the "pain threshold" thing. I self-harmed on and off for years (so not a wuss) and still found childbirth unbearable and all of mine were very quick and "easy" Angry

I seriously wish MN would do a campaign regarding easy access to pain-relief in labour. I was refused all pain-relief with DD1, had nothing with DD2 (unassisted HB) and after lots of complaining the MW with DD3 eventually gave me some co-codamol in a manner that one might associate with someone giving me their last kidney.

If you turned up at hospital in agony with absolutely any other recognizable condition you'd be put straight on the morphine. Why are they so tight with it when it comes to labour? If some women don't want it that's their choice, but those of us who do shouldn't be expected to "wait a bit and see how you get on". It's barbaric.

MoominAndMiniMoom · 27/05/2014 20:16

I'm the opposite - childbirth was fairly long but a doddle for me pain-wise, would gladly go through that again and again (and I'm only six weeks post-birth!). Pregnancy wasn't great so I think I'll give it a few years though ;) I have a high pain threshold.

However I have external and internal scarring after bowel surgery, and the stretching pains and issues I had during pregnancy caused by the bump growing had me crying and even screaming in pain.

It's all relative, and so reliant on lots of different factors.

coppertop · 27/05/2014 20:16

My first labour was 40 hours long and fairly comfortable. I only had an epidural towards the very end.

My third labour was pure agony, at least partly because dd was in a back-to-back position.

It's not always about the individual's pain threshold.

curiousuze · 27/05/2014 20:17

YANBU. I was induced and did first 30 hours with gas and air until I broke down and DH kicked everyone's arse to get me on the proper labour ward. Then I got the epidural, oh what fucking bliss. Then they stopped it when I was fully dilated 'so I could feel to push.' Never have I felt such agony. I was sobbing 'please please I promise I'll push, I promise'...DS was a) back to back with his head to the side b) almost 10lbs and c) well and truly fucking stuck.

Sorry marrow but mental attitude has nothing to do with what happened to me. I am not a worrier, I wasn't the slightest bit concerned or stressed about the birth until the horrible agony started.

thebodylovesspring · 27/05/2014 20:18

Yep bollocks to the pain threshold too.

First and third labours were agony, last one was just painful. Number 2 was a breeze, had worse period pain.

Why no idea! Those who say it's easy just have been lucky.

schlafenfreude · 27/05/2014 20:19

I quite like pain. That makes me sound like a masochist but I did a lot of yoga/endurance stuff before so there is ouch pain and there is good pain and I convinced myself labour is good pain. It's a different pain to stubbing your toe, which is why some people who have low pain thresholds seem to cope better than they think.

thebodylovesspring · 27/05/2014 20:20

Yep agree back to back labour is so bloody agonising as there's just back pain and you can't push against that.

Mental attitude!! Seriously crap.

schlafenfreude · 27/05/2014 20:21

Plus positioning etc obviously plays a part - individual contractions with a well positioned baby are much easier than a wall of pain with a back to back baby. When you get time to recover between it's much easier to deal with than when you are just in constant pain for hours.

morethanacondiment · 27/05/2014 20:21

I agree with everyone else Grin
Things that really made a difference in my three births were baby's positioning (I'm looking at YOU, weaselly DS1), managing the pain with water as well as G&A, and length of labour - DD was far quicker (a few hours) and labour started at breakfast after a really good sleep. Not being exhausted made loads of difference.
Just to be clear, I sob at paper cuts...

BrokenStar · 27/05/2014 20:21

I think it really is just a simple case of some are more painful than others. I don't buy the pain threshold argument, we all have the same nerves and hormones.
Mine was so bad my body went into shock.

curiousuze · 27/05/2014 20:22

Also my labour was 52 hours and I was apparently getting two contractions at once, which didn't exactly help.

Kewrious · 27/05/2014 20:23

Not a pain threshold thing. I have a VERY high pain threshold. I walked down a mountain on a dislocated knee for four hours without a whimper.

I was booked in for an ELCS (placenta previa), but went into labour. I went from contractions every 4 mins to those every 40 seconds in an hour. No slow gradual build up. And when my waters burst the pain was bloody unbearable. Just one contraction after another with no break between them. But because they were going to do a section I was given no pain relief till I reached the theatre and they were ready for me. If I had to deliver him naturally I don't think I would have coped.

findingherfeet · 27/05/2014 20:24

It's agony ynbu.

But think it does help if you have a quick labour and position/size of baby for me made a difference.

First - 9 hours- tens machine helped, pain was all in my lower back. Gas and air made me dizzy and didn't help at all, didn't have any pain relief. Long pushing stage didn't hurt as such but really hard work.

Second - 1 hour 45 mins it was the most excruciating pain I've ever experienced but no pushing (he flew out!) No time for pain relief (didn't even make it to the hospital)

Whilst giving birth is very painful I personally think it's the recovery after that is a more 'important' pain. After my first birth, whilst it was all natural blah blah blah, I couldn't sit down comfortably for months and suffered dreadfully down below

There are no medals in childbirth - healthy baby and mum is all that matters.

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