to think if your staying with a vegan you wouldn't bring meat into the house

[brt100]

Hi,

Have a few people staying with me, one of them bought back some greasy fried chicken the other night. I thought oh well thats a bit impolite and rude especially as she wanted to eat it inside with my plates are cutlery. But I let it slip and washed up said dishes and had to dispose of the remains myself as she just left them in the lounge smelling.

Now this morning she's bought some sausages to cook on my pan. I put my foot down to this as she's super messy and would get animal fat all over the place.

Apparently its my fault as I'm a vegan it makes her crave meat.

Just to add I'm not a pushy vegan, I say nothing about it and she's the one that keeps asking stupid things like "don't you miss x and y, I couldn't do it"

Also I live in a town centre with 20+ places to eat within a 10 min walk

sandberry that is absolutelyexactly how it happens. God, the questions at a work function or whatever when you are all eating..... someone is interested so asks the question and it all goes wrong. I ended up saying to people' Oh if you are interested in veganism then we can talk later' and trying to deflect. It very occasionally worked.

It used to amaze me how other people thought what I ate was a comment on them.

Ah but Giles, humans can't survive without meat, didn't you know that?!

Which begs the question, how I'm still alive after 20 years, but there we are!

When you start actively seeking information about the ethics of meat eating, you learn stuff you can't unlearn.

But this is where it is rude when people assume that those who choose to eat meat haven't done their own research and are making their own choices. Because someone's choices are different to yours doesn't make them wrong.

I feel sorry for people who any see past meat and two veg tbh.

I like to try new things and will happily eat a vegan meal.

Can someone explain why vegans don't eat honey.

I understand vegans not wearing silk, because it's a protein from insect.
Eggs and other diary as it's a source of the meat trade. But not honey

Because bees can be hurt while they take the honey out the hive

Is OP vegan for ethical, religious or dietary reasons?

If my host was vegan for ethical/religious reasons I wouldn't dream of bringing a kebab home unless expressly told it was ok to do so.

If, on the other hand, I knew the host was vegan because he/she didn't like the taste of meat, I think that's a different scenario and not self evident that bringing meat home would be such a faux pas.

Either way, I'd be guided by the host.

In this case, I think the friend could just be demonstrating a bit of thoughtless stupidity. We've all been there.

Her incessant badgering of OP with stupid questions about her veganism would make me rethink the friendship though.

and also bees produce honey for their own use, not ours. We are taking away something they need for their own consumption. I know there are substitutes that bee keepers give their bees to compensate, but we have such fabulous substitutes also.... golden syrup, maple syrup, agave syrup.

I'm a total meat eater and even if I invited someone to stay at my house for 2 days, I would be miffed if they just went out and bought something else to eat and started cooking it in my kitchen. Especially if they didn't clean up afterwards. The vegan/meat issue is almost irrelevant IMHO.

I'm a bit of a fussy eater and often when I stay as a house guest, I don't like/ can't eat something or other. But I can usually survive for 2 days and wouldn't dream of embarrassing my host by nipping out and getting something I did like, and cooking it in front of them.

OP, as long as you let me have tea with milk while staying with you, I'd be fine.

LOL, SuburbanRhonda, I can survive my post being called shite :D If you would like to contend there are no self-righteous vegans, I would like to introduce you to some of my mates. They do exist, and there is a bit of "Has this fork touched chicken? Ever? It can't touch MY fork, then.".

It's like anything with strong beliefs. Set the groundwork. Don't expect people to guess. They'll guess wrong, and everyone will feel hurt. Just say "If you come to my house, we don't eat this, and we don't do that, and you'll be very welcome if you do come, but just to let you know..."

I like it when people say "We are all vegan and don't like any meat products to be brought in" just like I prefer to be told "One of us has difficulties with alcohol, so please don't bring in drink" or "My child's nut allergy is at a level where he can't be in contact with any nuts so please don't eat nuts beforehand or bring anything in ". I'd be careful to agree with my hosts' wishes. But if I can't know or tell, then I am guessing and will guess wrong.

If the tables were turned and you were at friends house and she served up spag bol / suasages etc - how would you feel?

But that's not the same thing though, is it? Why do people have such a hard time understanding that serving meat to a vegetarian and serving a vegetarian meal to a person who eats meat is NOT the same thing? You cannot compare the two.

Some of the bollocks being espoused on this thread is truly shocking.

Being a vegan in most instances is not merely a dietary preference, it's a moral and ethical standpoint. To disregard that in someone else's home is flagrantly disrespectful. I'm not a vegan myself but wouldn't dream of being so selfish and insulting to my host.

The OP needs to get rid of people who behave like this.

I have met a few self righteous vegans, fortunately they are not as endemic as self righteous meat eaters, now those there are a lot of.

To be fair even vegans find self righteous vegans a bit irritating but we know they'll have calmed down in 10 years time.

Do the people thinking that vegans should cook stake also think that non smokers should buy cigs for smoking guests to make them feel at home?

I've no problem with people being vegetarian or vegan and have several dishes I can make without affecting their diet, but I'm not able to keep "special" pans to cook it in. My pans are very clean, but reading this has made me see that this might not be enough, and that some people might be offended. I'm sorry, I just don't have the room for that!

I do object to being called a "carnivore". I'm not, I'm an omnivore. We once had a vegan acquaintance (we were all working in a remote/rural location at the time) who told me (once I'd cooked a lovely vegan stir-fry) that veganism would be the next great step in human evolution, .

Thank you.

Puppy, I agree I can live without most things but not my morning coffee...... However Almond milk is amazing in coffee.

shockinglybad - these people are your "mates"?

If they bring out your inner Jeremy Clarkson (one of the more shite parts of your post), why haven't you ditched them?

I used to be a very much meat water every day, went to a friends house for a curry the meat even though in date was gone off. So we had vegetable curry instead.

I now prefer vegetable curry, as the taste is amazing and the veg seem to be spicier than the meat version.

But I can usually survive for 2 days and wouldn't dream of embarrassing my host by nipping out and getting something I did like, and cooking it in front of them.

EXACTLY this. It's just all about being a decent friend and behaving pleasantly. The meat/veg thing is a bit of a red herring. Although I am always interested at how much vitriol these threads attract from meat-eaters who seem to love the opportunity to throw around insults and generalisations about veggies/vegans.

Rude, brat 'guest'. It's TWO nights.

We have friends who are veggie. Am happy to prepare a vegetarian meal for them when they come and would not expect them to serve meat to me anymore than I would expect a Hindu host to, or a Muslim host to pour out alcohol or a Jewish host to serve scallops and pork.

I think people tend to use the term "carnivore" when confronted by supposed omnivores who seems to freak out at the idea of being given a meal without meat.

And there are plenty of those.

I wouldn't presume to bring meat into a veggie or vegan house without asking, either. Are people really that rude?

sandberry - loved your description of the meat-eater and vegan conversation.

But you missed the bit where after patiently explaining your views and reasons for being vegan, they proceed to tell you how they also like animals, but just prefer them in a bacon sarnie

They then ask you if you miss having a juicy steak, and my personal favourite - when they proceed to tell you your farts must really stink.

nochips That was excellent. I suppose it's because I became a vege at a time when it was considered weird so therefore kept my mouth shut so as to avoid being mocked. When I was 12 I was forced to eat a fish pie that we had to make in domestic science. The teacher stood over me and said at the end " now see that wasn't so hard, didn't you enjoy that?" Fucking bitch. I was throwing up all night. I was such a shy, frightened child and was too scared to stand up to her. You did as teacher said then. 32 years ago.

I can't believe people are still comparing eating meat as the same as being expected to eat vegan.

Intheenddotcom. I can understand where you're coming from regarding eating out. How do you think I feel seeing the same shit being offered in every restaurant I go to at stupid prices. That says more about the meat loving chefs than it does about vegetarianism/veganism.

Stir fry anyone?

It's not about being vegan or omnivore, it's about being a good host and a good guest.

Good host: do your best to ensure guest's comfort, provide food and drink while avoiding cooking anything to which guest has a known and communicated allergy, intolerance, religious / ethical bar or strong dislike, make sure guest is aware of any non-negotiable household "rules" (e.g. "we always keep the utility door closed so the cat can't escape") but consider relaxing some of the less rigid ones (e.g. does a little bit of mud on a carpet really matter if your friend leaves their shoes on, rather than making them feel uncomfortable because they're wearing tatty old socks they'd rather not have on display?)

Good guest: tidy up after yourself, eat what your host provides assuming your communicated no-goes have been catered for or you're not going to go into anaphylaxis by doing so, stick to the household rules, offer to take host out for at least one meal.

In both cases: put the other person's feelings first, think how you would like to be treated in the other's shoes.

In this case, friend was unreasonable and rude and not a good guest.