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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think if your staying with a vegan you wouldn't bring meat into the house

165 replies

brt100 · 26/05/2014 10:05

Hi,

Have a few people staying with me, one of them bought back some greasy fried chicken the other night. I thought oh well thats a bit impolite and rude especially as she wanted to eat it inside with my plates are cutlery. But I let it slip and washed up said dishes and had to dispose of the remains myself as she just left them in the lounge smelling.

Now this morning she's bought some sausages to cook on my pan. I put my foot down to this as she's super messy and would get animal fat all over the place.

Apparently its my fault as I'm a vegan it makes her crave meat.

Just to add I'm not a pushy vegan, I say nothing about it and she's the one that keeps asking stupid things like "don't you miss x and y, I couldn't do it"

Also I live in a town centre with 20+ places to eat within a 10 min walk

OP posts:

Fairylea · 26/05/2014 10:37

(To be clear I mean your friend is unreasonable. Not the op).

CoffeeTea103 · 26/05/2014 10:38

I think it's actually you who is being ridiculous. Do you not eat at restaurants? You're being precious, surely you make your guests feel welcome. I don't eat certain meats, but I still cook it when guests are over.

KaFayOLay · 26/05/2014 10:40

Do your friends have to come in non-leather shoes too?

I can understand about the meat, just curious about the leather

HelenHen · 26/05/2014 10:41

Yanbu but in fairness it's something that might slip my mind. If you've said it though she's absolutely being a bitch!

shoppingbagsundereyes · 26/05/2014 10:42

Why aren't you feeding your guests though? She must be hungry if she's going out to buy fast food and sausages. If they have been well fed during their stay then yanbu, otherwise yabu

SuburbanRhonda · 26/05/2014 10:44

OP, you don't make it clear whether you're cooking for them while they are staying with you. If you are, why did your guest go out and buy sausages? Didn't you give her breakfast? And why did she bring back a takeaway - did you not cook dinner?

I'm vegetarian, not vegan, and I would hate people cooking meat in my kitchen, but if they were guests, I would be feeding them, so there would be no need for them to go out and buy their own food to bring back.

SuburbanRhonda · 26/05/2014 10:45

X-post, shopping

whatever5 · 26/05/2014 10:46

YANBU unless you are expecting guests to cook/provide food for themselves. They may not know how to cook any vegan dishes if that isn't what they are used to eating.

LEMmingaround · 26/05/2014 10:48

Your house - your rules! I posted the other week berating my pushy newly vegan friend but I wouldn't dream of taking meat into her house if it offended/bothered her. I'd be quite happy to eat vegan food.

Original poster

brt100 · 26/05/2014 10:48

She bought the take away as she didn't fancy the sound of the curry I cooked for dinner.

I bought cerial and milk for breakfast as she requested it even though I don't eat either.

Apparently she bought the sausages as staying with me made her crave meat. She would of had to wark past 3 places that would make a sausage sarnie to get to the coop shop.

OP posts:

lotsofcheese · 26/05/2014 10:48

She is BU not clearing up after herself.

But you are BU expecting her to eat only vegan food in your house without having communicated this to her.

My sister is vegetarian. We respect her diet, as she respects ours. We'll eat meat etc in her house & vice-versa. She does not insist that her toddler is vegetarian, nor are separate utensil/crockery/pans used. not really a big deal for any of us.

I'm afraid to say that you sound neurotic, OP.

NearTheWindymill · 26/05/2014 10:49

I think she was being rude and unreasonably to leave her food in the sitting room without clearing away, I think it is rude and unreasonable to leave a mess on someone else's home.

I'm not so sure about the Vegan/Meat issue. It never fails to amaze me that visitors tell me they are vegan, vegetarian etc., and I ensure they are catered for but when I visit them they don't ask me if I'd prefer chicken or a steak, I get a lentil curry whether I like lentils or not and actually I don't.

Just think good manners are a two way street to be perfectly honest.

Gileswithachainsaw · 26/05/2014 10:55

Yes near but there's nothing stopping you eatings vegan meal. Whereas a vegan would go hungry if you produced a meat dish.

Not finding out suggestions of what you might like is a bit rude. But it's hardly rude to serve a guest vegan food if they are a meat eater.

No one lives on sausages alone surely

BurnThisDiscoDown · 26/05/2014 10:55

I think she was being unreasonable not clearing up after herself - if we have takeaway with friends round they always help clear up. Also, I eat meat but can totally understand why you wouldn't want her cooking sausages in your frying pan, meat far gets everywhere and is really hard to properly clean off a pan. I think she's being rude - if I stayed with a veggie/vegan I'd expect to eat what they ate!

ShutUpShouty · 26/05/2014 10:58

And it never fails to amaze me how many people can't see the difference between someone who eats meat cooking a vegetarian meal and a vegetarian cooking a meal that contains meat. They are NOT the same thing and it is ridiculous to compare them and them stamp your feet and whine about how those mean vegetarians won't repay the favour.

I eat meat. If I have vegetarian guests over then I cook vegetarian food, something that we can all eat. When I go to their house they also cook vegetarian food and that's fine by me. I would never dream of asking them to cook me a steak or chicken.

Seriously, do people not see the difference between a vegetarian cooking meat and vice versa? Do people seriously think they're on the same level and can be compared?

OnlyLovers · 26/05/2014 11:00

Exactly what ShutUp said.

CoffeeTea103 · 26/05/2014 11:01

Op do you never eat out or eat out in only vegan restaurants?

Fairylea · 26/05/2014 11:01

Lots of meat eaters eat vegetarian meals anyway- my dh loves meat but will happily eat a quorn shepherd's pie or a lentil and aubergine pasta bake. The point being that it doesn't matter to him to miss meat for a meal whereas a vegan or vegetarian cannot simply eat a meal with meat in it without compromising their beliefs. A meat eater eating a vegan meal isn't compromising their beliefs is it? Surely people can see that.

Gileswithachainsaw · 26/05/2014 11:03

People seem to spontaneously combust if served vegan meals.

Nothing bad is going to happen eating perfectly good food.

We do it all the time without even realising. A vege curry or stir frys or peanut butter on toast. Soup. Some garlic breads are also vegan.

But tell someone their diet didn't contain meat or dairy and sll hell breaks loose over forced eating habits.

Grab a salad guys it's actually good for your body to have a break from meat and dairy for a meal or two!!

And the world still turns. No one dies.

Petrasmumma · 26/05/2014 11:03

I wouldn't expect someone to have a cigarette inside a non smoking home, to eat cake in the face of a diabetic or a bacon sandwich in a Muslim house. Being a guest in a vegan house is no different, so you are right to feel affronted.

IsatTherewithSally · 26/05/2014 11:03

As a vegetarian I think your friend was unreasonable not to clean up her mess but I think you are being unreasonable to expect her to be meat free in your home.

As for the sausages I would have allowed her to cook them but stipulated that she is to clean up afterwards. After all I am sure that you have eaten from plates that have previously contained meat at some point in your life.

whatever5 · 26/05/2014 11:03

If you provided food then your friend is being really unreasonable to cook meat. I think that it's fairly ridiculous that some non-vegetarians/vegans apparently can't go without meat for a couple of days.

shockinglybadteacher · 26/05/2014 11:04

Not being unreasonable to ask her not to cook meat using your pan or to tidy up after herself. You are being unreasonable to say she can't bring meat in the house at all or can't use your plates and cutlery to eat meat with.

I lived with vegans for a while and I was the only meat eater. In their house it was lentil curry every night and even if you had a side, like naan, it would be eyed suspiciously "where did that come from? What's in it?" Woe betide you if you ate meat - I had some ham in the fridge and I actually saw a housemate burst into tears at the sight of it. In the end, because I couldn't stomach lentil curry every night forever and I could only cook dishes they wouldn't eat, I never ate with them and stopped for food sneakily coming back from work. They knew I wasn't veggie or vegan when I moved in, but there was nothing I could do to ever please them which wouldn't be going full vegan myself.

If you're that full-on, and it sounds like you are, you just can't have mates round to stay. It's like keeping a fully kosher kitchen. If people are going to disrupt that, and you will feel upset at the disruption, then don't invite them round. You have two choices - stay pure and feel better, or accept that others don't see things the same way you do.

Original poster

brt100 · 26/05/2014 11:04

"A meat eater eating a vegan meal isn't compromising their beliefs is it? Surely people can see that.*

I'm not sure if the people expecting vegans to cook them a stake are being serious?

OP posts:

Original poster

brt100 · 26/05/2014 11:06

You are being unreasonable to say she can't bring meat in the house at all or can't use your plates and cutlery to eat meat with.

If you read my op you would know that didn't happen.

OP posts:

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