to think if your staying with a vegan you wouldn't bring meat into the house

[brt100]

Hi,

Have a few people staying with me, one of them bought back some greasy fried chicken the other night. I thought oh well thats a bit impolite and rude especially as she wanted to eat it inside with my plates are cutlery. But I let it slip and washed up said dishes and had to dispose of the remains myself as she just left them in the lounge smelling.

Now this morning she's bought some sausages to cook on my pan. I put my foot down to this as she's super messy and would get animal fat all over the place.

Apparently its my fault as I'm a vegan it makes her crave meat.

Just to add I'm not a pushy vegan, I say nothing about it and she's the one that keeps asking stupid things like "don't you miss x and y, I couldn't do it"

Also I live in a town centre with 20+ places to eat within a 10 min walk

sally, I think the point here is that the OP's guests are being ridiculous if they say they cannot manage without meat for two days.

And how rude is that - to go and stay with someone, then say you don't like what they've cooked so you're going out for a takeaway, which you then proceed to bring back and eat in your host's home?

Unbelievably rude and has nothing to do with meat eating versus vegetarianism.

shock

She's not expecting anyone to share her views. Just cope for a day or two without a sausage.

Hardly a lot to expect is it.

And there were far more respectful ways to go about getting an uneccessary meat fix if she really had to.

X-post, giles

Your friend is rude.

I eat meat, and if i was staying with a vegetarian or vegan friend i wouldn't dream of bringing meat into their kitchen and certainly would not expect them to deal with the mess and bones after!

If i couldn't survive a couple of days without meat etc I'd simply explain that I'd rather eat out and I would do so.

Of course you aren't BU. Your friend is rude and ill mannered.
You don't bring Pork or beef into a Muslim or Hindu house and I'd never bring meat into a vegans house.
She is also really rude turning her nose up at the curry you cooked.

It's odd, isn't it? My mum eats meat and my auntie is a vegetarian. My mum point blank refuses to eat anything made by my auntie because she "doesn't want to eat vegetarian food" and "I'm not eating vegetarian food, yuck!" however my mum actually doesn't seem to understand that she eats vegetarian food all the time without actually thinking about it.

I should add that my auntie never cooks anything weird or outlandish, it's just normal basic stuff that just happens not to contain any meat, e.g macaroni cheese, tomato soup, leek and potato soup, cheesy broccoli pasta bake, etc just every day basic things. My mum loves tomato soup and macaroni cheese and eats them often however she still point blank refuses to eat them when cooked by my auntie, bringing up the "I'm not eating vegetarian food!" line. She has no problem eating the same things if I cook them though, using the same recipe (which I borrowed ).

Seriously though, WTF is up with that?

I wouldn't prepare or cook meat in the home of a vegan/vegetarian friend, but I'd be annoyed if I was purchasing takeaway and expected not to consume meat if that is what I chose to eat. Not allowing a guest to use a plate in case it gets 'tainted' with animal product is pretty silly since it's (presumably) going to be washing in hot water and detergent before it is next used. There is however no excuse for your guest not cleaning up after herself, that's just pure lazy.

For two nights? I'd eat vegan. I'd be quite interested. If I was staying longer-term and wanted meat, I'd probably ask first, and eat it outside the house if it offended the person. It's their house, after all, and they're already doing me the courtesy of letting me stay.

But if eating meat in the house, I'd make sure I cleaned it up by myself - that seems to be the main issue here. It wasn't just that she was eating it - she was imposing it on you, by being so messy and leaving traces of it everywhere for you to deal with. YANBU.

Personally I wouldn't eat a takeaway if someone had cooked for me.

I sometimes wonder how people cope shut

Do they just not visit or befriend people with different eating habits?

Do kids not eat beans on toast?

Do they sell body parts for bacon if it's the end of the month and all that's left to eat is pasta and a jar of dolmio?

I think this is a tricky one: if you are hosting, you should be ensuring your guests are comfortable rather than having them live by your rules. So, I cook a vegetarian meal for vegetarian friends. I'm not sure where you draw the line in terms of what you will/won't do regarding your beliefs and those guests. In the past I've been round for dinner with some neighbours. We took a bottle of wine. Turned out they never have alcohol in the house as they don't agree with it for themselves (not a religious no alcohol rule). They did however get their corkscrew out and invite us to drink the wine we had taken. It wasn't uncomfortable - just diff'rent strokes for diff'rent folks.

YANBU. She was rude and thoughtless, and I'm sure most people can survive without meat for two days, if not she should've brought something like ham or something tinned and not something which is messy and has bones and leave you to clean it up.

It was even ruder to go out and buy a takeaway and then bring it back to your's and eat it.

If it bothers you and you have made that clear then yes, it is unreasonable. I think you need to make it clear though as not all vegans/vegetarians would mind this.

I am recently vegan (and was vegetarian for 10 years before that) and don't mind my friends who stay bringing meat into my house to cook or eat so long as they wash up after themselves and don't expect me to eat it. Although I don't really like it I am not offended at the sight/smell of meat and accept other people will make different food choices to me. I grew up eating meat until my late teens and most of my family and past partners and housemates have eaten meat so I am used to being around it. I do know some vegetarians, especially those who were brought up in vegetarian households, who are very offended by it.

I was annoyed at the friends who stayed and offered to make dinner, they planned a Chinese banquet which would have been lovely had 4 out of the 6 dishes not included meat. Think it was just lack of consideration on their part but I was annoyed as it meant I didn't get the enjoyment of trying all the different dishes and the two vegetable dishes weren't overly exciting.

Make sure your friends know you don't want meat in your house as they may be used to vegetarians/vegans who don't mind. Your house, your rules so if after you are clear you don't like it they continue to try and bring meat into the house YWNBU to express your annoyance.

I don't think you ABU. I currently have my inlaws staying with me. They are Jewish and keep kosher. DH and I eat pork but I have made sure they is no pork products in the house and I wouldn't cook/eat pork whilst they are there. It's about being polite and respectful. Your friend is very rude.

I think the boundaries are a bit wobbly and that's what the OP's guests had difficulty with. (I fully agree with the idea it is rude to cook a sausage in a pan in a veggie/vegan household).

OP, your mate didn't know it was rude to bring back chicken or use your plates and cutlery. It just wouldn't have crossed my mind when I started living with vegans that it was rude if I, a non vegan, ate meat - I was at a vegan friend's house the other night and when we got a takeaway, mine had meat in it. Also, people get takeaways a bit randomly, including "just because I fancy one" even if they have been very well fed in whatever house they are staying in. You were upset or you wouldn't have mentioned it, and I bet your mate knew you were upset too.

If I had guests in my house and they fancied a bit extra to eat and got a takeaway, I wouldn't find it rude (we all eat different amounts!) nor would I be scrutinising what they bought. I think you need to either make your house rules very clear or if it is making you jumpy to have breaches of food etiquette, stop having them round.

hamuketsu, I like your style. You'd be welcome round for dinner at mine any time!

I'd be annoyed if I was purchasing takeaway and expected not to consume meat if that is what I chose to eat. Not allowing a guest to use a plate in case it gets 'tainted' with animal product is pretty silly

Thats not what I said at all

The thing is that just as vegetarian/vegans make their food choices and anyone hosting them as guests should take that in to account and cook accordingly, so do meat eaters have food preferences and dislikes. I cannot eat tofu. I can't stand it. Don't know why, have tried it many times and still can't stand it. So someone insisting that I ate a meal consisting of a large amount of tofu would be a poor host and I would go seeking alternate food options if meals consisted of that for a while. Ask me before coming to stay and I'll say to just give me a basic veggie stirfry and I'd have no problems surviving on it for a couple of days. A good host would check with their guest before cooking, especially when specific dietary choices or requirements are having to be catered for.

If I was staying in any house I wouldn't go out and get a take away unless that was what the host had planned and I wouldn't go out and buy my own food because I don't like what is on offer.
In a vegan house I would eat vegan food. I would obviously know I'd be getting vegan food before I went to stay there!
She's incredibly rude.

Ok I have friends that are vegan and I have a dd with allergies. They have stayed with me I have stayed with them.

I have a spare pan I take to their house to cook, things they don't agree with like meat for dd. I ASK before I do it, they have since brought a pan for me that they keep at their house and I clean down myself, and make sure I clean all plates etc.

I have pans here especially for my vegan meals as it is an issue to some of my vegan friends its not a big deal to me as I respect their choices and it a small thing that means a lot to them when they stay with me.

I have a another friend who is vegetarian and refuses to eat at my house because I don't have a seperate oven for meat dishes this is a shame but I am not able to accommodate her but we met at restaurants etc

Here's the crux we are friends and as such we are happy to make allowences because we respect and like each other. For example my friends are kind enough to clear a draw in their fridge for me to store meat, fish etc for dd. I clean it before I leave, give and take has meant that we are able to be able to stay with each other dispute allergies and life choices.

I'm also good friends with several othodox Jews I would never dream of asking to cook certain meats in their homes, but they have made a special effort to accommodate dds allergies when we stay with them. As I do when they stay with us.

Op I'm sure for two days she could have nipped out for a sausAge butty, she sounds rather disrespectful of your life choices. If she's a friend have a chat.

If you cannot survive sans a sausage stay at a hotel. I think it rude to cook meat in a vegan's home and I am a meat eater. There's a reason why vegans are vegans. Why shove meat in their face? A little sensitivity goes a long way.

midnite, have you actually ever met someone who insisted you "ate a meal consisting of a large amount of tofu"?

I'm actually really that people still believe the old stereotypes of vegetarians exist that are being peddled as nauseam on here.

Regardless of the meat issue I think its bloody rude to reject your food, go get a takeaway and leave the remains lying around without clearing up, then go and start cooking your own food in someone else's house The meat aspect makes this even ruder and I would not assume to cook anything at someone's house without asking, let alone sausages in a vegans kitchen! The smell of cooked sausages can definitely longer and I think YANBU not to be up for that in your own home.

Linger not longer

Actually I did Rhonda. I went and stayed with a university friend on her property for four days. Every single meal they served was tofu based. But that is beside the point. It doesn't matter what the dietary preferences are, a good host asks. I know which of my friends don't like prawns, which don't like mushrooms and even one which loves the inside flesh of a zucchini but not the skin. I cater for every one of them when they come, and if it's someone I don't know the preferences of, I ask first. There are plenty of vegan meal options, so why should a non-vegan just be expected to eat what is served and like it, when it may have nothing to do with vegan/vegetarian/meat eater, but just a simple dislike of a particular ingredient in the food. A good host would check and try and accommodate. A simple 'you know that we only eat vegan meals in this house. Are there any fruits/vegetables/protein options you don't eat?' could generally have solved any problem.