to think if your staying with a vegan you wouldn't bring meat into the house

[brt100]

Hi,

Have a few people staying with me, one of them bought back some greasy fried chicken the other night. I thought oh well thats a bit impolite and rude especially as she wanted to eat it inside with my plates are cutlery. But I let it slip and washed up said dishes and had to dispose of the remains myself as she just left them in the lounge smelling.

Now this morning she's bought some sausages to cook on my pan. I put my foot down to this as she's super messy and would get animal fat all over the place.

Apparently its my fault as I'm a vegan it makes her crave meat.

Just to add I'm not a pushy vegan, I say nothing about it and she's the one that keeps asking stupid things like "don't you miss x and y, I couldn't do it"

Also I live in a town centre with 20+ places to eat within a 10 min walk

Yeah, but it is different because it is what's regarded as a moral choice. Vegans, and no offence, tend to be pretty self-righteous, which seems to push other people, annoyingly, to the Jeremy Clarkson position. I think cross-questioning anyone about what they eat is shit, but if you can't see a packet of ham without bursting into tears (as a housemate of mine did), then obviously you are making a moral judgement about those who eat ham. Same as "Eat what you like uurgh but it can't touch my stuff. Understood?"

People tend not to like their mates making moral judgements about them. I think that's it. The best way to get round it is just to say "In my house, we don't do X [bringing in meat at all, whatever]" and let the chips fall where they may, as t'were. I would be a bit relieved to know a mate's rules and then know not to break them. If I didn't know, I could break them by accident.

YANBU. Your house, your rules. I'm vegetarian, and I wouldn't let anyone cook meat in my house.

Intheend you are stereotyping which is silly.
If you had allergies I wouldn't serve you food you are allergic to.. I'd make other stuff that we can both eat. Why do you have to have meat at every meal just because you aren't opposed to it? Eat it whenever else you like but with me let's eat things we can both enjoy. Same as if you have an allergy to soya I won't insist I eat soya around you.

shockinglybad, your post is shite.

"No offence"

Oh yes sandberry - the joys of being a vegetarian or vegan at a wedding - never knowing quite what you might be brought to eat.

I went to one wedding, where I was the only vegetarian, and my veggie dish was salmon. My main courses ended up being a larger portion of the salad we had for starter. Oh joy of joys!

On what Stay says about new vegetarians and vegans becoming quite vocal about it..... here is my take, FWIW,

I am almost entirely vegetarian, and was completely vegan for 8 years. I now do eat some meat and fish, but am aiming to go fully vegan again. I found that when I first went vegan, I read and read and read books/blogs etc. I had a whole new world opened up to me, and you become conscious of things you just are not conscious of when you eat meat. It is like there is too much information stuffed into your brain, and you want to share it. It is quite a common compulsion. I have not time for people who push dietary beliefs onto others in an aggressive way, just that IME I was so overwhelmed/shocked by what I was learning that it was at the front of my brain all the time. I could not help but talk about it.

in time, yes, I did 'calm down' and realise that no-one else was really that interested. You are learning now to negotiate yourself from scratch in a meat eating world.

I hope all that makes sort of sense!

I've known several vegans throughout my life. None of them have been "self righteous".

Perhaps it wouldn't seem
So "self righteous" if meat eaters had some common sense. You wouldn't chop veg on a chopping board that's been used for raw meat. Food safty issue but it seems brought up just to have a go at beged.

Common sense that a vege wouldn't want their soup stired with a spoon used for a meat dish. Another example of people just being idiots on purpose just so a vege can be labled self righteous to prove some point that they are all a pain in the arse.

I would not bring meat into your house but I would beg you to cook something for me as I know anything vegan I cooked would not be good due to lack of practice!

I know that 'everyone' can eat vegan food and veggie food - but as a hostess I would want to be more accommodating of my guests.

If the tables were turned and you were at friends house and she served up spag bol / suasages etc - how would you feel?

I think you are being a bit unreasonable - especially with the contaminated plates bit but equally your friend is being somewhat insensitive.

On the fence here,

Oh, and I know not a single vegan who is 'self righteous'. What I find is that people get defensive and read things into a scenario that are not there. It is like if you do not drink alcohol- drinkers think you are judging them or they feel conscious of their own drinking. It's really not about you .

Beged

Have a go at a vege

oops should have added to second line

• how would you feel that your dietary preferences hadn't been considered? You'd prob end up doing your own thing too?

When you start actively seeking information about the ethics of meat eating, you learn stuff you can't unlearn.

I eat most things, I would never in a million years cook in someone else's home.

I offer to go 1/2 with the shopping and also do my fair share of cleaning up after.

To me it shows a lack of respect.

nochips, great explanation of why new vegetarians / vegans want to spread the word!

thatbloodywomen Just read that to my boy and he's grinning like a Cheshire Cat. He did explain that he only 'preaches' when meat eaters start preaching to him. I must admit he is very impressive and he had two friends (a couple) stay for a week at uni and by the time they came home they were converted to vegetarianism. Why is there no proud/smug smiley?

Staywithme - Of course I eat vegetables but I have found that most main vegan meals that I have seen in restaurants or friends/exp. have tried to serve me have been unsuitable mainly due to the use of legumes to provide protein e.g. soya milk on cereal (by exp. who also thought that soya milk in tea was fine), kidney beans in veggie lasange (kidney beans are a common one), hummus (although I can eat around it), chickpeas in salads and stews, bean sprouts in stir fries, haricot beans in soups, lentils in numerous dishes, couscous, the list goes on. I find it much easier to stick with means I know are safe or can easily be made safe, as such if I go to a vegan friends house I offer to bring my own meal because I don't want to have to end up eating just salad and side veg. all night. Sometimes they offer to make something that is acceptable, other times they accept my offer to bring my own. All good. The same if they come to my house I don't expect them to eat meat - they either bring their own or I'll cook something suitable.

SuburbanRhonda - Yes, I wouldn't insist someone who was kosher ate pork whilst staying with me etc. That WAS the point I was making.

Some of you have a weird sense of hospitality.

Right so you invite someone over, give them a clean room and a clean bed, make them tea and coffee pour them drinks. You give them free reign of your shower and entire house. You cook them a nice meal and have conversations and none of that is good enough if the dinner hasn't been near a cow?

sandberry - Comment I made about the person who didn't force her views on others was the same person who got married. I am surprised you have never been offered a choice at a wedding - every wedding I have gone to has offered to cater for special diets and I have seen it done for vegan, nut free and gluten free (separate not the same person!) .

If the tables were turned and you were at friends house and she served up spag bol / suasages etc - how would you feel?

You ask any vegetarian or vegan - it happens, all the time.

At my DSis's 50th, the starter had Parma ham in it - vegetarians got a plate with the other two ingredients on.

Main course was fish on a small bed of risotto - we got the risotto.

We suck it up all the time, and it's why I never go anywhere without supplies in my handbag

Asking that meat (or dairy etc if you're vegan) not be brought into your home, isn't pushing your dietary beliefs on others, it's about respect of that individual's (or family's) home.

I'm fine being around people who are eating meat, I don't sit there and tell someone they're eating a dead animal, or any of those kind of vegetarian stereotypes. I just ask they don't eat meat in my family's home.

My experience is that when meat eaters think vegans are self righteous it is because they have initiated a conversation, often it goes like this

Meat Eater "so why are you vegan, is it an ethical thing or a health thing"

Vegan (trying to avoid conversation) "I don't believe in using animal products"

Meat Eater "so you don't eat honey or eggs. Why not? eggs are just a waste product and bees don't use honey"

Vegan patiently explains their ethical point of view on the use of honey or eggs

Meat Eater " so why are you wearing leather shoes"

Vegan "they're not leather, they're vegetarian shoes"

Meat eater continues a long questioning of vegan on everything from whether she would eat e numbers containing animal products to whether oral sex or eating your placenta is considered vegan.

Vegan patiently shares her point of view.

Meat eater leaves conversation and later loudly proclaims that vegans are so self righteous always telling you what you should do forgetting that they fucking asked in the first place. I think it is meat eater guilt, perhaps if they'd live and let live we'd all have an easier life.

Offering only vegan food isn't 'forcing your views on others' unless every restaurant that serves Halal meat is trying to convert you to Islam and every Vegetarian Indian restaurant is trying to convert you to Hinduism.
Clearly if I serve baked beans on toast I must be out to force my guest into veganism because of course they never eat Vegan food of their own free will.

Surely most people are up for trying new foods? Where's the rule that these foods should contain meat?