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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want "my" wedding ring?

51 replies

kirsten123 · 25/05/2014 19:58

Hi all,

Ex-fiancé and I get engaged over a year ago at which time he bought my engagement ring and the matching wedding band (and a band for himself). Entirely out of his own money. We split up last month when he said he didn't actually want to get married to anyone. Ever. (Threads about this in relationship forum). This was despite him allowing me moving from Scotland to be with him. (He's a narcissist).

He let me keep the engagement ring (on the basis I don't sell it) and I still wear it on the other hand (partly as I don't want to leave it in my new place as don't trust new roommates yet!)

Question is - am I being unreasonable to ask for the wedding band too? I don't want to sell it, I just want it/don't want anyone else to have it/good reminder of my lucky escape!

He is pretty well off and can easily afford to give me it but seemed to suggest I was being cheeky when I asked. I told him to think about it. The engagement ring is worth much more anyway.

Thanks in advance.

OP posts:
Holdthepage · 25/05/2014 20:02

YABU - it isn't your wedding ring because a) you didn't pay for it & b) you didn't get married.

JimmyCorkhill · 25/05/2014 20:03

I think you're supposed to give the engagement ring back so I would say that you shouldn't ask for the wedding band too. However, there is no harm in asking. You have a 50/50 chance of getting it!

picnicbasketcase · 25/05/2014 20:03

Yabu

It's not yours.

CSIJanner · 25/05/2014 20:05

Erm - yes. YABU. He bought it, not you. If you actually got married then I would say yes, but asking when you split before sounds a touch grabby, especially when you got to keep the engagement ring which is "worth much more".

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 25/05/2014 20:06

It's not 'yours' in any sense at all

ThatBloodyWoman · 25/05/2014 20:06

The engagement ring was given to you so its yours.
The wedding ring wasn't so it's his.

MinesAPintOfTea · 25/05/2014 20:06

You get to keep the engagement ring as compensation because he reduced your value as a bride but he never gave you the wedding ring. You only get to keep the gifts he gave you, not the ones he was thinking about giving you.

eurochick · 25/05/2014 20:06

YABU. It's not your ring.

WorraLiberty · 25/05/2014 20:07

Fuck me that's some brass neck you've got there! Grin

He forked out for all the rings out of his own pocket and you want to keep 2 of them?

Sorry but the phrase 'Jog on' definitely springs to mind!

ZenNudist · 25/05/2014 20:10

Yabu. It's surely an expensive keepsake. Be honest are you just using jewellery as a way to punish him?!

ShakesBootyFlabWobbles · 25/05/2014 20:10

I don't think YABU to ask for it, just like he WNBU to decline.

It is no use to him but he may be able to return it and get his money back. Or you could offer him half price if you really, really want it.

IMHO once you move on and meet/marry someone else, it is very likely you'll never wear either of them. Give up the materiality and let him and the rings go.

AuntieStella · 25/05/2014 20:10

It's not anyone's wedding ring.

It's a piece of jewellery bop ought in anticipation if an event which did not happen, was never given to a recipient and which is therefore totally up to the purchaser to decide what to do with.

Incidentally, if you intend to keep the ring that was once an engagement ring, it is wrong for him to make it conditional. Either it is a straight gift (you keep it, sell it, give it away, whatever you fancy) or it isn't (you give it back)..

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 25/05/2014 20:13

YABU to ask for the other ring.

CoffeeTea103 · 25/05/2014 20:15

Talk about cheeky Shock yabu how do you even feel it's ok to ask something like that.

JamJimJam · 25/05/2014 20:17

Why on earth would you want a wedding band for a non-existant marriage? I don't get it.

Original poster
kirsten123 · 25/05/2014 20:18

Well, he really screwed me over by making me move and then changing his mind re engagement so I had to move out and rent a flat...in some ways I thought it was the least he could do! (He admits I did nothing wrong). And the rings match, so better I have it than it sit in a box in his house?

But I see your points!

OP posts:
magpiegin · 25/05/2014 20:19

Of course it is not your wedding ring. It is a ring he bought and you didn't marry him so it's just a ring he owns. You are being hugely cheeky.

HermioneWeasley · 25/05/2014 20:19

What do you want it for?

Why did you keep the engagement ring?

HermioneWeasley · 25/05/2014 20:20

But you've agreed not to sell the ring, so I don't understand how it benefits you?

Original poster
kirsten123 · 25/05/2014 20:21

What do people generally do with obsolete wedding/engagement rings?

OP posts:
guitarosauras · 25/05/2014 20:24

I think that it's quite odd that you want it tbh!

Time to move on!

Teeb · 25/05/2014 20:25

Lord you've some cheek.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 25/05/2014 20:25

I sold my ring and my exes, I had his child to support after he fucked off with another woman.

MrsLettuce · 25/05/2014 20:26

Engagement rings are (rightly) usually given back. Wedding rings, well, tat depends.

YABVU, as is he if he's really said that you can keep it but can't sell it. Either it's yours or it not.

Teeb · 25/05/2014 20:27

If it happens before the wedding I would return the rings.

If you have the rings after divorce, then either sell them/pass on to children of the marriage.

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