to not want to go into work tuesday

[zobey]

Went on a works night out last night and from what i remember i spent the night in the pubs with just my director of the company and he kept feeling my bum and inviting me back to his hotel room. Im sure he kept buying me drinks all night too. How can i make things better at work. I didnt go back to his. I see him a good few times a day but all my work coleges i think know what was happening as he kept telling them to go away if they came over.

Yes he knows im married BUT how do you know that? Ive not mentioned that in this post...

You're married? On FGS. Definitely don't mention it again and dont drink around him again.

Because I've seen you mention it before

I don't think you need to have any kind of chat with him about this

The chances are he'll be too embarrassed to face you on Tuesday.

All your work colleagues know each other over differing lengths of time.

They didn't intervene.

Why?

My thought is he's known for it with newbies. Or just nights out generally. There's a lot of scenarios on potential though.

Think.

Doesn't make you guilty. Just be careful next time

I'm still guessing he's not embarrassed. I'm guessing he's not even thinking about this. I'm sorry. Sounds harsh. I just think this is what he does.

Actually you could be right there Minnie

Perhaps he often chances his luck when he has a hotel room booked, hoping he can get a drunk, married woman for some NSA sex.

He'll either take it in his stride or be a bit sheepish but either way I doubt he'll raise the subject himself.

Think im going to have a chat to him. And clear the air.

Ok. Good luck.

Good luck. But seriously, watch your step with this one. Plying a woman with triples when she thinks she is getting a single could be a mean drinking game or it might be something worse.

I would avoid socialising with him, if you have to go drink softies, and never leave your drink unattended. Better to be a bit paranoid than regret being too trusting!

Talking to him is not going to be a good plan. Hold your head high and if anything is said laugh it off. Tuesday is a long wAy away, people have short memories and why would the air need cleared. It's best left well alone.

Don't try to clear the air OP, it won't work. What it will do is call your boss on his behaviour which will lead to a 'blame' situation in which you cannot win - basically, your life will be very difficult at work.

You shouldn't have got as drunk as you did, but you already know that. It's sort of 'office party rules' that what happens at the party stays at the party. Speaking about it afterwards just serves to embarrass everyone involved. Don't be that person.

Do not go out with them again, he sounds like a sleazy creep and you sound like you were a willing, but vey naive, participant. Learn a lesson, act like nothing happened and then move on. If anyone brings it up just say you were very drunk and don't remember much, then leave it. The chances are your boss is never going to bring this up with you because he knows he should have behaved more professionally. He could apologise but he doesn't sound like the type.

What do you think talking to him will achieve? How do you think he will respond? Because tbh either he was pissed and acting very out of character and will be mortified and hoping you don't remember; or he's a twat and will either laugh at you or get angry and deny everything. Either way, I suspect 'clearing the air' is highly unlikely to happen. Head down, do your job, next time there's a night out, most unfortunately it clashes with a special date you have with your DH.

I've been in this situ (not the groping etc, but getting drunk, very drunk, at a work do and just not feeling able to show my face the next working day.) The best thing is to walk in there head held high, not acting like it never happened but like it's now in the past. Which it is. Get on with work as normal and if anyone - boss included - mentions it directly just say 'oh dear yes, I did have far too many drinks I'm afraid. I won't be doing that again!' And change the conversation. If you raise it specifically - especially with boss - then you are making it far worse and attaching importance to what happened.
If you feel your boss is predatory or likely to make you uncomfortable in any other context then that's a separate issue and you need to deal with it professionally, ie through hr. You don't need to and shouldn't out up with that if it is ever the case, regardless of what happened the other night.
And now try to forget about it. You can bet on the next night out someone will snog that guy in IT or puke on the pavement or tell their line manager 'what they really think of them' and the whole incident with you and the boss will be forgotten .

I would add to the 'don't mention it'. Unless, of course, you feel you need to single him out / actively want to amuse yourself by getting tounges wagging at work.

Because at this point the supervisor is heading into work with potential gossip about him getting you drunk. That one sounds bloody dangerous ... Why after three weeks at work are they sticking their nose in?

I really feel that i need to talk to him about it.

So you keep saying. Talk to him then, if you are determined to!

This is a really bad idea. Please listen to the collective voice.

Why did you accept drinks all night from a man you knew was interested in you if you are married??

she has already said it was an office party and she tried to pay for her SINGLE drinks.

are you struggling to read as well as write, writer?

I just mean I could see why someone single could get n this position - innocent flirtation, enjoying the attentions of another man etc

I don't know, it just seems different when you're married.

If a guy kept touching me up and asking me back to his room (as a married woman) I certainly wouldn't be encouraging it by letting him buy me drinks all night. Yes OP may have offered to buy her drinks but she could easily have just refused the ones he bought. I know I would have done.

The fact he did this knowing she has a husband puts a different spin on it. I initially just thought he was a typical guy after some fun with a single woman but obviously that wasn't the case. If he thought he could treat a married woman like this it just shows he has no respect for her and her marriage. I now think he's a bit of a shit.

OP - as everyone else has said, be wary. You should just hold your head high when you go into work and don't rake it all up again.

it sounds to me like he was buying rounds for everyone. Which is normal for a boss to do at an office party.

Ok going to go against the consensus here..

Why would the work colleagues intervene? She's a grown woman and probably looked like she was reciprocating the flirting. I mean, she wasn't saying no to the drinks, didn't stop him feeling her bum multiple times and groped his crotch. Not to mention spending the whole evening with him alone. Not exactly the way a married person should be behaving no matter how any drinks were consumed.

Exactly honeycrest.

AndOP has already said that him buying drinks for anyone is very out of character, he was ignoring everyone else and only buying drinks for her.

I only found all this out after the night out. The other director that was there was buying for everyone.

Zobey, I hope you think this through. What do you wish to gain by bringing this matter up with him? Are you expecting an apology? Do you think he is going to offer an explanation for his actions? You are being very naive if you expect your supervisor to take any responsibility for what has occurred. I happen to think he behaved like a complete arse but really cannot see anything to be gained by pursuing the issue..