To ask why you stuck at two DC..

[BolshierAyraStark]

Just a general wonder really... Though am suddenly for some bizarre fucking reason thinking I should have had one more.

Please make me feel better & reassure me I was right to have just 2-I have one of each btw at 2&4, this odd feeling will pass...right?

Just for the record, I don't want to do pregnancy & the 1st 12 months so I know it will pass lol

Money/space but I would love two more in an ideal world!

Money/space but I would love two more in an ideal world!

Money/space, in an ideal world I would have two more!

I wanted my life back and knew I couldn't cope with any more

This!
I also don't think I'm a naturally good mother
I hate the school run, the soft play parties, the parents evenings, the endless school letters
The nagging , whining, bickering , & that's just me & dh

I'd love a 3rd but DP is adamant about stopping at 2. I have two boys and would love a daughter really but obviously there are no guarantees. Plus we don't have the space really.

Maybe once DS2 is at school I can persuade DP to change his mind.

Would have gone for 3 but at the moment that we would have started TTC, DH got a job in a different city and was living away a lot. I felt very conscious that I had two hands, two knees (lap-sharing) and two children. I felt that DS1 wasn't the sort of child I could have trusted to hold DC3's other hand crossing the road etc. Turns out he's HF autistic so that instinct was bang on.

I was brought up the only girl with 2 boys; all the serious boyfriends I've had have been one of 2 boys. Basically, I love hanging out with 2 boys. Imagine if I'd had a girl! That would have been a properly fucked up relationship!

DC2 is 2.8 and still wakes up in the night. Even if we didn't already feel that 2 was plenty, she would have decided it for us.

And wanting my life back. Not adding more fuel to bickering. Not having yet another tummy/bladder/bowel to deal with. Childcare.

Also, I will never stop wanting another baby. Another person? Ooh no thanks!

I really wanted 3. But my eldest had a birth injury that left him with erbs palsy, then he was dx with autism at 2.5, by which time we already had our 2nd - HE was dx with autism at 3 (also dx with adhd many years later) and we realised we could not give all the care, time and attention and financial input into therapies etc that we needed to to our two plus bring a third into the world, so for the sake of the two we already had, we decided that the third could not happen.
it was and is horrible because I still feel there is a gap in our family. A person not with us who SHOULD have been, iyswim.
bUt our obligation was to the people already here and not the theoretical 3rd. Doesnt stop it hurting, but I know we did the only thing we could.

I stopped at three, but as the second and third are twins, it's the same (ish)

I had a hysterectomy due to cervical cancer at thirty three. I was bereft as felt like I'd never gotten it right iyswim... Never planned my babies with someone who wanted them, I'd never had a nice time during either pregnancy. My 1st one I was eighteen and the shame of the family, as I fell pregnant whilst studying at a very posh school I'd won a scholarship to and had a fucking horrid time as my family were awful, and I was in a very ea relationship, which is a whole other story, so I ended up a single parent. Eight years later, my partner of five years left me for another woman and in my devastation, I had a fling with a fantastically sexy hot young man (I was 27 he 23) and fell pregnant with twins in the space of three weeks, and one night up a mountain in andalusia

He was livid, and although he has since grown up an awful lot, and adores his children, who he sees three nights a week,we were never really 'together' as a couple, and certainly never planned to have the dcs.

When they were 6 I was single (I had remained single since that preg) but had my hysterectomy, and at that point I grieved terribly as I felt truly robbed of the chance to do things properly with a man who wanted children with me. That was compounded when I met dp, who is a truly amazing man, who I love and we're planning on marrying next year. When we first got serious I grieved all over again for the fact I couldn't give him the children I thought he deserved. He has always maintained he didn't want to have kids - and is delighted with mine.

I'm thirty six now, and have well and truly accepted the childbearing years are over. I do think biology plays a massive part in how I felt, and once I passed some crucial point, my broodiness has wained entirely. I really enjoy the fact that at 36 I have an almost 18 year old, who is very independent and a lovely young man, and the twins are nine now, and physically the hard work is over with them - they are easy at this age!

I recently took on some temporary work to help out a friend, looking after twin baby girls, and I was soooo glad when it was over. In fact, I now feel like, I don't actually like children (obvs apart from my own who are perfect )

Who would have thought it?

Financial security was achievable with two, three was doable but would always have been that much closer to the edge.

Not always sure I have enough mothering in me for 3 and don't want to begrudge a 3rd all the time I spent at singing group, playgroup etc that I did with 1 and 2.

Not good for the planet to have more than 2.

Dh older and not keen on another (though would prob agree if pressured).

In case of war/civil emergency I have always felt I could grab 2 and run (my grans both had to do this and the one with 3 got separated from one, although they were reunited later).

Now I am older the risk of not conceiving or miscarriage is much higher and not sure I want to put us through that.

Oh, and none of the above stops the broodiness although now it only happens a few days per month.

Because dd was my fifth pg beyond the first trimester and my third baby. DS2 died after a few hours. I didn't have the courage to do it again. At 53 with older teenagers not finding the courage to have a third is the biggest regret of my entire life.

I had 8 pregnancies, only 2 went to term.
There is a gap of almost 10 years between my DS and DD.

I would have liked 8 - I'm a childminder now :)

I am too old.

I was so sick last time when pregnant if I had known it wasgoing to be like that I might not have gone for DC2! It was really hard to look after DC1 when pregnant. I couldn't do it with two.

I'm one of four and I want to give my children the things I missed out on (time mostly!).

The risk of twins.

The risk of more problems after birth for me.

Mine are 6 and 8 now and DH and I got to have a lie in this morning whilst they watched tv. Bliss. Now we are hanging out at home. Ds paging with his lego and Ds on minecraft. I wouldnt want to back to the pre school years.

I meant playing with lego and DD on minecraft.

Trashcanjunkie - you bought tears to my eyes.

I've had 3 DDs but lost DD1 (stillbirth at 42 weeks). I don't feel complete but I'm guessing I never will now.

If I'm brutally honest I would love a DS but after losing DD1 I've had two v v stressful pregnancies and 2 c-sections. I've been pregnant or breastfeeding for the last 4.9 years and frankly I am so exhausted physically and mentally from grief and the baby/toddler years. My consultant advised me 5 months ago when my youngest was born to seriously consider sterilisation which I didn't go ahead with. I have had a coil fitted though. I'm 30 now so I do feel that I'm a bit over the hill now considering everything.

Other reasons why we could have more

Money
Space
Health

Couldn't*

I never wanted three.

I am one of four and although I think my parents were great I do see that it was too much for them.

My dc have the benefits of having a sibling without the downside of being one of many.

Money, quality of life, space and just no real broodiness.

We couldn't afford another full set of school fees, plus looking into the future we want to help out with university, weddings and house deposits. So having a third would really have an impact on the family's quality of life. Also I've been able to get more of my own life back as the dc's have got older - returned to study, picked up new hobbies, have a decent social life - so wouldn't have wanted to delay that for more sleepless nights. The dc's have a good amount of quality time with each parent, can follow their own interests without having to compromise and we can afford lots of extras, good holidays, au pair and as a couple DH and I can afford a social life/babysitters as we're not the type to enjoy being stuck at home all week.

Health or fertility hasn't been an issue, we were pretty young when we had the dc's so had easy pg's/births and could still have the choice to have another, but there's no desire at all on mine or DH's part.

insufficient resources for a third. not just money, but space, time, energy, patience and enthusiasm.

TBH we were originally stopping at one, but our wonderful dd2 was a happy accident.

Oh woodpecker!

I've got 3 dd and wouldn't have it any other way. The 3rd dd just kind of fitted in. We still have a normal car and live in a 3 bed semi. We find holidays doable u just have to plan ahead. Everyone is happy and the dd's 4, 8 , 10 play so well together.

Because:
We can't afford any more
We haven't got room for any more
I'm 40 this year so time isn't on our side
I had very bad PND with both boys and suffer very bad anxiety about not being a good enough parent, having another child really wouldn't help.

None of this helps me with my excessive broodiness that I have at the moment.

Sanity reasons mainly.