To ask why you stuck at two DC..

[BolshierAyraStark]

Just a general wonder really... Though am suddenly for some bizarre fucking reason thinking I should have had one more.

Please make me feel better & reassure me I was right to have just 2-I have one of each btw at 2&4, this odd feeling will pass...right?

Just for the record, I don't want to do pregnancy & the 1st 12 months so I know it will pass lol

1. Practical / family finances. We can easily afford 2, plus all the extra curricular activities including any school trips they want to do. In addition, our families are a 28h flight away - we can afford flights for a family of 4 on a reasonably regular basis but not five. We also couldn't afford for me to take much, if any, mat leave.

1. Practical other reasons. Two parents, two laps. Two plus two in the (standard size) car, family entry tends to be 2ad 2ch. When we designed the house we only included 3 family bedrooms.

1. Environmental reasons. 2 children means one to replace each of us when we die. More than two contributes to the rapidly expanding global population which is unsustainable (this was DH's main reason).

1. The boys are 6&8 now. They eat what we eat, they can manage the same day hikes we do, they come to our exercise classes with us (karate), they travel well, they come out for dinner with us, they like the same music we do, they like the same day trips we do - life is just easy and fun with them. Throwing a newborn into the mix would complicate things. They also get on really well and I would hesitate to alter that balance.

1. I had my boys relatively late (mid-late 30s). If we had another child they would still be at home when I'd be wanting to retire. I'd prefer not to be mistaken for a grandparent at the school gate :)

1. I'm the youngest of 3. It was fab - for me. But my brother is very "middle child" even though he was the only boy so still 'special'. I don't want to have an odd number of children and there would be no way we'd have 4.

Like a previous poster, when I got very broody for dc3 we got a dog. We now have 2 boys and 2 dogs and life is good. I still get broody but I'll save it for grandchildren (if I get them and if I have a vaguely reasonable DiL! The size of this town, I probably already know her...)

Economics / resources - we can afford two and give them a decent lifestyle

Family history - we both disliked coming from families of 3 or4

Practicalities - history of miscarriage

Emotional - our younger child is adopted, and it's usually best for them to be (and remain) the youngest in the family

Two Dc very close in age. Financially it was comfortable to stick with two, and couldn't imagine physically coping with any more as I worked part time and husband worked very long hours. So was sterilised young. Years later when own children grown up there was a parenting 'hole' and we began fostering, so the house was once again full of children.

Thanks all-very interested to read the responses of those of you that came from a 3 child family as that was my main thought when we agreed on 2.

We lost our lovely dog last year & have decided its too soon for another but it is on the cards at some point...

The practicalities other people mention - 3 bed house, normal sized car etc. Also could only have afforded one child in nursery at a time which would have dictated a longer stretch of baby years than I'd have liked.

The overriding reason though was something completely irrational. I've had two perfect pregnancies with not a sniff of illness, two perfect labours with a tiny amount of g&a, two really good sleepers/eaters, no potty training issues or behavioural issues. Just two perfect, beautiful, easy children. I just felt I'd had my share of good underserved luck and that I would be tempting fate somehow if I wasn't grateful for what I had. It's completely contrary to the normally practical way I think and I'm STILL anticipating something awful is going to happen to balance out our good fortune. I'm not religious, but genuinely feel I've been blessed and I'm thankful every single day for what I have.

I grew up with one sibling, as did many in my family, so it was 'normal' to me. People say to me 'you have one of each, so you can stop', but I would have stopped at two anyway.

Our reasons for stopping at two:
Space
Money

Had 2 difficult pregnancies. When in SCBU with premmie DD2 I read some research papes and leaflets that basically said our next pregnancy was unliky to go to full term and if it did the baby was likely to have serious disabilities. It had a profound effect and I didn't have sex for a year!

I always though we would have a gap, then 2 more, and it was all a lot to come to terms with. When DD2 was a year old and healthy, showing no signs of effects of her prematurity I was then able to give some serious thought to family planning, discussed with DH who only ever wanted 2 and was just waiting for me to be able to talk about it.

Space, money and wanting the do the best by the children we had also came into it for us.

didn't feel that I could give 3 the equal attention that they would deserve.

We have 2.

We are using contraception atm because I've just changed career and need to settle in be eligible for maternity leave before we can ttc.

Ours are 6&11 now. We waited so long because I had bad pnd/poor health after dd. Our finances have been awful for the past few years. We were only in a 2 bed flat etc do ttc not a good idea.

I just hope we've not left it too late though. My fertility was never great. I've bought ovulation tests to check things are still working. Even though life is easier and quieter now they are older id be heartbroken if I never had another.

A lot of the reasons quoted above don't apply to is because we have such big age gaps. 11 yo doesn't even do family trips with us anymore . I don't want dd to be a lonely only like me.

Puked though 2 PG .
Could no put 2 kids though 9 months of hell.

Then ex was job less .
Then we moved in my mum who said don't get PG.
Ex got job we moved had house to do up eldest stared school.
So time when away from us.

Did get very very broody but ex and I were not getting on by that time so got a dog instead.

I've got 2. I'm one of 3 and have a fab relationship with both my siblings, my sis is the middle but not bitter about it in the slightest.
However all the reasons people have stated made us stick to 2 (money, house, hobbies, environment etc). When I felt broody last year I had a baby for someone else (as a surrogate)!! Quite extreme and I know my DH was nervous it would make me want a 3rd. But actually I really enjoyed the pregnancy knowing that I would have no sleepless nights, sore nipples, effect on my older kids on the horizon. It made me realise I really did not want another child and was very very excited to be giving him away!
We are however thinking quite seriously about a dog, does that mean I am secretly still broody?!

I would like one more at some point like now.

But DP has said 2 is enough. Because:
we have 1 of each so count our blessings
we can easily afford 2 without struggling (I think we could stretch to 3 without it being a huge stretch)
while I am still in my 20s he feels too old at 37 to have to deal with more babies/kids
we can fit 2 carseats in the back of his car but not 3
booking holidays will be more expensive for 3 kids than for 2
we'd have to rent a bigger house
he is done with sleepless nights and colic etc not that he ever dealt with most of it

I see his point on basically all of his list although some of it is clutching at straws somewhat (the car and the holidays "issue"). as I cant exactly make a baby on my own I suppose I better start accepting stopping at 2 unless he changes his mind.

We tried for more than two. Two miscarriages ensued and second one was very late on and had numerous complications. So I guess for me I decided 4 pregnancies was enough and the two boys I had were both gorgeous and growing up.

Very happy with two now, at 10 and 12 they are quite a gang of two and do lots together.

Unfortunately we can't justify having one more due to the expense, that and I think my body would break if I had another one.

Practical reasons, although we've both admitted we want another. Plus they get more expensive as they get older with sports, music and other clubs.

Lots of reasons. I get broody...but then I remember:

Pregnancy is knackering for me, and I had hyperemesis in my second pregnancy. Couldnt go through with that again.

Too knackered at the prospect of more sleepless nights and the physical work involved in having babies and toddlers - feeding, lifting, nappy changing, pushing buggies etc.

Practical stuff - at the moment kids have a bedroom each, which would change if another child came along. I also dont want to have to drive a truck around to transport my family everywhere :-)

My career has just got back on track. Another baby would kill it stone dead, and another set of nursery fees when we have JUST got rid of them would be hard.

My body is the best its been in years. At pre-preg weight and have found a sense of style, feel good about myself. Couldnt face getting fat and having to wear leggings for months again.

DH is pushing 50, I'm late 30s. Do we really want to be raising small children into the next decade?

Mainly, if I feel broody, I spend a day with froends with babies/toddlers and it totally cures me. Its hard work. My time is up for all that malarkey.

ithakar

We are staying with 2 but to be honest we did want one of each, if DC2 had been a boy we'd probably have tried a third time for a girl. DC2 was a girl, though.

I didn't

i always assumed we'd have two.

When dc2 was about 18 months I was unexpectedly, unbelievably broody. We decided to go for it. I got pg, then had an early miscarriage.

I was gutted and so was DH, which confirmed to us we really wanted another.

So we went for it again and got twins

So now we are bonkers parents of 4 squeezed into a 3 bed house but we love them all to death and wouldn't have it any other way.

Be careful what you wish for though

My mum lost her fourth baby when she was 34, the age I would have been when I was ttc a third. She begged me to be happy with the two I had as she didn't want me to go through what she had. That did influence me, although it's totally illogical, but it was mainly because my two were so close and I didn't want a third to change that.
Plus I found the 1-3 stage utterly exhausting- very glad my two are older now!
I do find myself having the odd broody moment, but I think that's just because my fertility window is closing.

Money
It's absolutely not true that one more baby won't cost much more

3 x uniform
3 x school trips
3 x nursery fees

Etc etc

I wanted my life back and knew I couldn't cope with any more. Plus I think it's immoral to have extra children whilst the government wholly supports the ones I have.

Finances for us. We both work full time and could not afford to have more than two children. I do have regrets now that they are just about grown up but we did what was right for us at the time.

Still you never know, in the next 10 or so years I might be a Grandma

Just not enough head space for another.

Thought of 3 lots of homework and 3 lots of whining.....no.

Got my 2 boys and love them to death.

My family feels complete.

Our house isn't big enough for any more. And I'm struggling to work and look after the DC as it is. If we came into some money and i didn't need to work we would consider it.