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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To just ignore the school and proceed with the prearranged times?

110 replies

extremepie · 23/05/2014 14:45

Posted on here a few times before about Ds' school but here's a quick recap:

Ds2 has ASD and is currently on a part time timetable due to him and the school not coping with a full day.

The agreement, as has been discussed many times at various TAF/TAC meetings was that his school day should be extended by 5 minutes a week so that he should be attending full time by the time the summer holidays start.

There have been some lateness issues on my part, not quite getting there on time for pick ups and the school agreed that as long as I was on time, his school day would keep extending.

Since at least Easter I have been making a real hard effort to be on time every day but so far his school day has still not extended past 2pm!

I'm getting really irritated with this now as after all my efforts to improve my timekeeping it has not made any difference and I'm even more annoyed that Ds continues to miss out on a full day of school because they refuse to keep to the agreement!

I also suspect that part of the real reason they won't extend it is because they would rather allocate his 1:1 worker elsewhere in the afternoons and him leaving school early makes this easier for them :(

Wibu to just pick him up at 2:15 when they go back after half term, (as that is the time he should have been up to if they had stuck to the agreement,) instead of 2pm? And then to just increase the time by 5 minutes a week regardless of what they say?

OP posts:

gordyslovesheep · 23/05/2014 14:47

why do you have such issues with timekeeping? If he needs consistency etc I would expect that being ready to go home and having to wait for you would be quite stressful.

Discuss it with the school - don't just leave him waiting - an work on your timekeeping

NoTeaForMe · 23/05/2014 14:48

YABU you need to speak to the scho about this. You can't just purposefully be 15 minutes late to pick him up.

I also don't understand why you have been late up until now?! If you have been supposed to pick him up at 2 then pick him up at 2!

Original poster

extremepie · 23/05/2014 14:53

That's the point, since this agreement was put in place I have been on time every day but they still haven't extended it! It should have been 2:00, then 2:05, 2:10 then 2:15 this week but every week I keep being told its still 2pm! So I have been picking him up at 2 but it should be later!

OP posts:

gordyslovesheep · 23/05/2014 14:56

well have you ASKED them?

jellymcsmelly · 23/05/2014 14:57

How often were you late and over what time period?

mummymeister · 23/05/2014 14:57

extremepie why are you late? you cant expect the school to do things on time as you see it if you aren't on time as they see it. definitely speak to the school and ask for some definite times between now and end of the school year. if you cant be on time then sorry yabu and not them.

ohdearitshappeningtome · 23/05/2014 14:57

Have you asked the school why they haven't extended the time?

Tinkerball · 23/05/2014 14:58

If you're so annoyed your DS is not getting a full day at school why have you been late so much it's an issue, surely that's cutting more time off his day?

DoJo · 23/05/2014 14:58

What reason are the giving for not extending the day? Surely it would make more sense to address that than just not turning up, as that is really only going to affect your son.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 23/05/2014 14:58

How many hours support is he funded for?

DoJo · 23/05/2014 14:58

*they giving

CanaryYellow · 23/05/2014 15:00

Maybe they're using the age old trick of, because you are consistenly late, telling you a time earlier than you really need to be there. So if they tell you 2pm you might actually be there for 2.15pm

CoffeeTea103 · 23/05/2014 15:02

You keeping to the agreed times isn't doing them a favour, it's what you were supposed to do that in the first place.

Doooooowop · 23/05/2014 15:04

You need to just pick up phone to school and ask. Don't just leave it the extra 15 mins as this may distress your son further....

insanityscatching · 23/05/2014 15:04

How old is your ds? If he is of school age then you are well within your rights to inform the school that you will be collecting him at the end of the day like his peers. These part time hours are unofficial exclusions and you shouldn't agree to them. If school need more support to manage your child full time then they should be approaching the LA with a view to increasing the support on his statement (if he has one) or requesting a statutory assessment if not.

Original poster

extremepie · 23/05/2014 15:08

I'm not sure Santa, I don't have a copy of the statement and I've asked to see their copy but so far have not been able to :(

He's never with the same 1:1 when I pick him up in the afternoon as when I drop him off in the morning - I drop him off with his regular 1:1 who is assigned to him but is always with someone a random TA when I pick him up which makes me think 'his' is busy elsewhere :/

I used to live much further away from the school and was often reliant on the bus/taxis to get to school and back, which caused me to be late quite a lot but since moving in feb I am much closer and now only late occasionally for unavoidable things like getting stuck in traffic etc!

I haven't asked the school yet, mainly because I feel like they will just fob me off, like they always do!

Ds has been part time for nearly 18 months now as only in the last few months have they even tried to extend his day, at the insistence of the ed psych and the social worker - and now they are not sticking to the agreement hence I am pissed off :l

OP posts:

Original poster

extremepie · 23/05/2014 15:10

I'm not sure Santa, I don't have a copy of the statement and I've asked to see their copy but so far have not been able to :(

I haven't asked the school yet, mainly because I feel like they will just fob me off, like they always do!

OP posts:

OneInEight · 23/05/2014 15:13

Complain to the LA that he is not getting his legal entitlement to a full time education and ask when they are going to put in the support that will enable them to do so. Ring IPSEA for advice. And agree with insanity he should have a statement if he does not already.

Original poster

extremepie · 23/05/2014 15:13

I'm never that late Canary!

OP posts:

candycoatedwaterdrops · 23/05/2014 15:14

YANBU to be pissed off. If you don't mind me asking, is part of the reason why you're late because he struggles in the morning or it just the logistics? If it's the former, then school rally should have been more understanding IMO.

Original poster

extremepie · 23/05/2014 15:14

Oh, forgot to add he is 6 and has a statement, hence the 1:1 :)

OP posts:

MissDuke · 23/05/2014 15:16

It is really hard to work out if yabu tbh. You didn't stick to the agreement either for a long time, and it sounds like actually you are still late sometimes. Unavoidable? Really? My daughter is 9 and I have not once been late to pick her up, because I allow for traffic etc so am usually very early. Your attitude sounds pretty grim so I fear the school are struggling to work with you on this.

Original poster

extremepie · 23/05/2014 15:16

He does sometimes struggle in the morning candy as his sleep is very disturbed but I am never late in the morning it's only the afternoon pick up that they are referring to - Ds doesn't come up from the classroom until I get there so he isn't standing around distressed and waiting for me :)

OP posts:

OneInEight · 23/05/2014 15:16

Cross-posted - we complained after only six weeks of reduced timetable and asked for an emergency review of statement resulting in a change of school to better meet ds2's needs. Eighteen months is ridiculous!

Original poster

extremepie · 23/05/2014 15:18

Miss Duke I don't drive so when I'm referring to getting stick in traffic it's on a bus at roadworks, elderly people taking ages to get on, not exactly within my control!

As I said, I was late before the agreement was put in place but not since!

OP posts:

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