To object to a compulsory residential school trip?

[TheDietStartsTomorrow]

My DS is starting secondary school in September. It's a different school from the one my older DC went to. This is a new school in its second year and the staff seem to have a lot of enthusiasm and a commitment to discipline, respect and high standards which is why I chose it for him.

The head talked about a no-opt policy for all pupils, indicating that everyone has to participate in everything regardless of their inclination, reasons or excuses. Because of this, they are quite firm about not making concessions for any pupils for any reasons whatsoover.

This brings us to the compulsory residential trip. It's three days in the Lake District, in November, just a couple of months after they start school. It's not entirely an educational trip- it's discussed as an opportunity to bond with other pupils and staff and get to know each other. My son, is not too keen to go for a number of reasons. He finds it very difficult to sleep in new places; sleeping in a tent seems to him, like the worse way to spend a night, never mind three; he has never been on a residential before and is very apprehensive about going away with people who are at the moment, still strangers to him; the school is very uncompromising on students individual needs and he feels will be forced to participate in activities that he doesn't want to; he will miss an important event at sports club he goes to outside of school that he is really looking forward to.

I, as his parent, also have some reservations. The school is totally uncompromising on faith issues and I feel that DS will be made to feel like he is different and mocked when he prays. The head teacher has also shown that he will not be very accommodating of his religious needs even though they are very simple requests (he needs a quiet corner of a library/classroom for 10 mins during their lunch break to pray during a school day and this request was not recieved very well by the head. That in itself, is another story and I want MNers opinion on that too in another thread so I can ascertain if we're being unreasonable).

I also feel that if he doesn't want to go, he shouldn't be forced to. There will be other opportunities to go on residentials when he is a little older and more familiar with his school teachers and by that time, his confidence will have hopefully grown so that he goes willingly.

So, AIBU to tell the head he will not be attending? Can the school impose this upon us if he doesn't want to go? Where do I stand and what advice would you give in such a situation?

I don't like the fact the HT makes a point of no excuses and having to go, I think that's wrong and unnecessary. I wonder why they feel the need to say this. What if they're ill for goodness sake, is that an excuse?!!

I have to say I work for a secondary school who do a residential trip (not that far away) for 2 or 3 nights the first week students start year 7. It does seem to be a big success. You see them go in on the first day of term all nervous and when they come back they have so much more confidence and happiness and true friendships have built quickly. From that perspective it's great, but I have known occasionally one or two students not go for whatever reason.

As a parent, I'd be about said trip so early in the term, but it does seem to work.

You have deliberately chosen a school for your son from a variety of others, yet immediately you are objecting to the school rules and ethos before he has even started. Send him somewhere else that offers what you consider to be suitable, or be prepared to compromise; the school has made its policies clear; you either agree to them or go elsewhere.

manic I'm afraid you are demonstrating my point perfectly. It is NOT 'good for' kids who are consistently embarrassed at school (e.g. by their inability to negotiate their way through a doorway without mishap) to be placed in situations with strangers (the outward bound centre staff) who are highly unlikely to react to their difficulties with empathy or proper understanding and often IME don't even 'believe' in conditions such as dyspraxia. I have already noted that my DDs have been on other, non outward bound style trips and residential courses. I hope your DD's trip to France goes well - my DD was fine when she went to France and Belgium last year. The crucial aspect was she wasn't going on an outward bound style activity. She will be spending residential music weeks at opposite ends of the country in July/August and I'm not even slightly concerned. She went on two separate residential G&T writing courses when she was 9 and 10. They were fabulous. Outward bound centres are a completely different issue.

I kind of agree with NotaCriminalLawyer, your son needs to learn to work outside his comfort zone.

I also think it's a make or break opportunity. If he goes and hates it then he knows for sure it's wrong school for him and should leave ASAP. If he goes but finds good value in it, then it was good to work outside his usual boundaries.

I doubt very much that they can truly force the boy to attend. Who is paying for this residential, anyway?

Who pays for the necessary equipment for November camping?

I'm sorry you've had such poor experiences Herc. Specialist Outward Bounds centres are outstanding places as far as I'm concerned. They just seem to 'get' children and know how to get them to do things they never believed they could or would want to do. I've been a teacher for 8 years and I can't persuade and encourage like they do. The staff we use, both in the UK and in France, are fully inclusive and understanding of every child we take to them. Just as a couple of examples, one instructor spent 45 minutes sitting with a little boy with autism on the shore of a lake talking him through the science of canoes and how they behave in the water until he was ready to join his group in the boat. Another took a panicky child down an abseiling course on his back because the child wanted to go down but was too frightened to go alone.

It just seems like we're coming at the thread from different angles due to different experiences. To me, these kind of trips are unfailingly positive and I trust the staff on them completely (even though I don't speak French and have no idea what they are saying on the occasions I've been on that particular trip!) They just ooze competence, compassion and confidence in the children.

I have found outward bound types EXCELLENT with my severely autistic son. They're often people who love to share whatever activity it is they do & are get a kick out of doing it with disabled kids. Off topic but surfing changed my severely autistic son's life. He's non-verbal, severely autistic, dyspraxic - has great core strength and balance though and is very sensory seeking. I love trying to make outward bound stuff work for him. He recently took part in The Jubilee Challenge (Ten Tors for disabled participants) & I'm hoping he gets to do it again next year.

Why are you sending him to this school? It sounds like thge army not a school.

How much is this trip going to cost you? Is it free?

My Ds came home with a letter I had to sign for swimming ( primary) ..he said I didn't want to go so I told him he had no choice. We talked about his worries and now he just accepts it.. Now while I do appreciate your DS is older I think the same approach does tend to work,

I remember a school residential which my parents didn't let me go on. Not only was it a boring lonely week in school but when everyone came back I was even more isolated.

Are you going to appeal for a place at your first choice school OP? Perhaps if you can prove that it will be more sympathetic to your DS's religious requirements (e.g. your older DC's attended and their prayer time was accommodated) that may help your appeal and your DS can change schools before the trip to the Lakes.
Are there really no other schools available to you? It seems that even if you sort out the residential trip there will still be tension around your son's religious observance and you don't seem confident that the Head will treat any bullying/mocking/ostracism seriously.
There are some really clued-up posters on the Education threads that may be able to help with an appeal to your first choice school, or if that fails, help you ensure that the free school meets its legal obligations re prayers. Just because you accepted a place at this school it doesn't mean that you can't appeal for any schools you put as higher choices.

I don't know where you got that idea Iseenyou I was at secondary school in 60s and they were the norm. The LEA paid and you could not opt out! I had 5 days in the Lake District in yr 7. I also had camping. My brothers had them in 70s and they were the norm in primary schools by then.
It is unfortunate that OP's DS has got to the age of 11 and not been yet.

A good point HolidayCriminal- it is a good test as to whether he is suited.

I think that you have a good point that they are more necessary now. I can't see anything wrong with camping in November but then I have been camping in N Wales in February! Maybe LEAs differed.

Who pays for the equipment necessary for winter camping?

I don't see anything wrong with November camping either - for my hardy, outdoorsy family who have been camping since they were tiny babies. I would not choose to take a child on its first camping trip in November. And neither, I am prepared to guess, would any other experienced camper.

Even if the centre provides suitable sleeping bags, many children will not have warm enough coats, or boots- who will pay for them?

I think that the trip might turn out to be very different from envisaged,seeing as they haven't even started at the school. It will probably turn out that it is not tents. It seems foolhardy to take a group camping in winter with no previous experience. I think OP and her DS might be pleasantly surprised when they get the official letter.

I think so too- but she did seem very definite about the tents.

Anyway, if the OP is worried about her child being mocked for praying, she shoud be in the Head's doorstep on Monday week and actually getting the facts

There are structures described as tents used in outdoor activity centres. They are in reality semi permanent structures with insulation, etc.

Iseenyou I do agree with many of your points.

My DS was someone who didnt want to go on the Y6 residential trip. At the last minute he decided he wanted to go. He went but I really dont think that it mattered in terms of friendships etc. He hasnt been on any school residentials since. He is now 15 and has been in Army cadets for a couple of tears. When he was good and ready he went on his first cadet camp. He has been on many since.

IMO school camps ignore the fact that many kids just arent ready at the time of the trip. When they are ready, they are ready.

OP's DS may well enjoy residential trips through his sports club. IME they are much more likely to catch the moment when the OP's DS is ready.

Honestly, even if this turns out to be a full glamping experience with ermine yurts and cashmere bog roll the OP's son will be coming back to a school that doesn't want to accommodate his spiritual needs.

My dcs went camping with school in November when they were in Year 7 and absolutely loved it. It was a fun bonding experience.

OP did he turn down residential trips in primary school too?

Also, what is it that makes you think he will be mocked for his religion? If you are certain about this I really don't think you can send him to this school and put him through that.