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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To object to a compulsory residential school trip?

137 replies

TheDietStartsTomorrow · 23/05/2014 10:09

My DS is starting secondary school in September. It's a different school from the one my older DC went to. This is a new school in its second year and the staff seem to have a lot of enthusiasm and a commitment to discipline, respect and high standards which is why I chose it for him.

The head talked about a no-opt policy for all pupils, indicating that everyone has to participate in everything regardless of their inclination, reasons or excuses. Because of this, they are quite firm about not making concessions for any pupils for any reasons whatsoover.

This brings us to the compulsory residential trip. It's three days in the Lake District, in November, just a couple of months after they start school. It's not entirely an educational trip- it's discussed as an opportunity to bond with other pupils and staff and get to know each other. My son, is not too keen to go for a number of reasons. He finds it very difficult to sleep in new places; sleeping in a tent seems to him, like the worse way to spend a night, never mind three; he has never been on a residential before and is very apprehensive about going away with people who are at the moment, still strangers to him; the school is very uncompromising on students individual needs and he feels will be forced to participate in activities that he doesn't want to; he will miss an important event at sports club he goes to outside of school that he is really looking forward to.

I, as his parent, also have some reservations. The school is totally uncompromising on faith issues and I feel that DS will be made to feel like he is different and mocked when he prays. The head teacher has also shown that he will not be very accommodating of his religious needs even though they are very simple requests (he needs a quiet corner of a library/classroom for 10 mins during their lunch break to pray during a school day and this request was not recieved very well by the head. That in itself, is another story and I want MNers opinion on that too in another thread so I can ascertain if we're being unreasonable).

I also feel that if he doesn't want to go, he shouldn't be forced to. There will be other opportunities to go on residentials when he is a little older and more familiar with his school teachers and by that time, his confidence will have hopefully grown so that he goes willingly.

So, AIBU to tell the head he will not be attending? Can the school impose this upon us if he doesn't want to go? Where do I stand and what advice would you give in such a situation?

OP posts:
calmet · 23/05/2014 11:32

The school I went to that did this, had free places for those who couldn't afford it. The cost though was very very low.

calmet · 23/05/2014 11:33

But it isn't just about whether the school can legally make your child go, it is about the impact on your son if he is the only child that doesn't go.

HercShipwright · 23/05/2014 11:38

We could have afforded for DD2 to go on her school residential this week. But I choose to spend the nearly £00 it would cost on stuff that is actually relevant and useful to her (basically, the never ending money sink that is music and dance lessons). The only impact on her from not going is that she didn't miss several important rehearsals this week for a show she is in in June. Plus, she hasn't starved for the whole week (my two older DCs both came back from the residential having lost significant amounts of weight (significant because they were not overweight to begin with - underweight in one case) because the set up was inimical to vegetarians who don't like cheese (I'm vegan but my kids aren't, however they will not eat meals which are essentially mountains of cheese and I don't blame them)). DD1, having had the awful experience of the primary school residential refused to go on the Y7 residential at her school - the impact on her was entirely positive.

HercShipwright · 23/05/2014 11:38

Sorry - nearly £400. Not nearly £0!!!

ReallyTired · 23/05/2014 11:39

I can't see how a school can force you to send your child on a residental trip. Legally they need your permission for such a trip as its overnight.

What are your concerns, is food? Access for somewhere to pray? Lack of supervision with girls? Is there any kind of compromise you can suggest to the school. How far do you live from the lakes? Can you get to the lakes and back in a day?

"I, as his parent, also have some reservations. The school is totally uncompromising on faith issues and I feel that DS will be made to feel like he is different and mocked when he prays. "

Are thre any other child with the same faith at the school? I am shocked that you feel your son will be mocked when he prays. Lots of different relgions pray although not in the same style as Muslims.

donnie · 23/05/2014 11:43

and yet you say in your OP that you CHOSE the school - why?

shazama · 23/05/2014 11:44

You chose the school knowing they had a no opt-out policy.

Talking to your son about him not going and you saying it's not fair that he can't go isn't helping your son's opinion of it sounding awful.

If I were you, I'd arrange a camping trip with him over the summer (or this coming) holiday.

MrsRuffdiamond · 23/05/2014 11:45

I've never before, in 16 years of having children at school, come across compulsory residential trips, but as several posters have mentioned this, I have to accept that it must happen.

Usually we get the spiel about contributions are voluntary, but if not enough are forthcoming to cover costs, trip will not go ahead. Are these 'compulsory' trips freebies?

If you don't think your ds will enjoy/benefit from the trip, then I wouldn't send him. What will the school do? Prosecution? Expulsion? If so, then I'd find a new school.

sunshinecity17 · 23/05/2014 11:50

Of course it isn't compulsoty.They may have a policy that everyone should go, but that isn't the same thing and is completely unenforceable.

fabricassimo · 23/05/2014 11:54

No, can't possibly be enforceable!

TheDietStartsTomorrow · 23/05/2014 11:55

Gertrudepie I'm not at all trying to undermine the ethos of the school; I think the majority of the school ethos are positive and encourage a productive learning environment. I am trying to determine whether the school is within its right to insist that my DS participate in the residential school trip.

tripecity there is nothing wrong in being different. I've always encouraged my DC that they should not be ashamed of having a different opinion, choice or lifestyle than the crowd and should not feel that they have to do something just because everyone else is doing it or because they feel pressured into doing it for fear of being different. If he is not harming anyone, not disrupting anyone, not making a statement that is offensive then why should he stop taking a corner and taking 10 mins of his break to pray at school just because others will feel he is different.

My older DC have also, always prayed at school and the school has been accommodating. Teachers and other students have joined in and they have never been made to feel they are different becasue of it.
And just to be clear, I'm not 'transferring my thoughts onto him' at all. You've insisted that I stop telling him a number of things, well rest assured I'm not doing any of that anyway. Please stop jumping to conclusions and imaging conversations about what I have and haven't said to my son.

CoffeeTea and others, I didn't know about the no-opt out policy. I did ring the school a few days after his admission was confirmed to ask if we could come in and discuss the school policies and rules and I was told that I would have a chance to do that later on as part of the induction process. This happened two days ago. I know I could have been more persistent and asked more question early on but unfortunately I didn't realise the school would have such trips and policies so I didn't. I can't change what I haven't already done so I'm only looking to see how I can work best with the school from this point onwards.

We have considered changing schools, but our first choice was not available anyway and it would mean appealing to secure a place in another school which would take a few months at least. The LEA has told me appeal dates will most likely be in September.

Hakluyt yes, it is a residential camping trip to the Lake District. Its for Year 7's (11 year olds).

When we heard about the residential, I did not initially say anything to my DS as I was still musing over the 'compulsory' part. But he himself expressed he was very anxious not to be forced to go. I have tried to suggest that it may be beneficial for him, bearing in mind that if it does turn out to be absolutely compulsory I will have to talk him into it. We only learnt about it two days ago and I want him to decide for himself what he wants before I let him onto what I am thinking.

I'm all for participation, but I am not one to force my Dc into going away should they not want to . Yes, if it was an educational trip and I felt it was essential to his learning, I would encourage him. But I feel that children should also have an element of choice in these matters. I have, in the past, allowed my DC to opt out of family holidays and family outings if they did not want to go. We have a lot of family outings and I understand that at times, children don't always want to go along so they are free to stay with grandparents who are more than happy to have them to themselves and spoil them when the family is away.

We have, as a family, been to the Lake District a number of times. We've camped, barbecued, taken boat rides, been on walks etc etc. It's not as though he will be missing out on experiencing these things.

pointy, you guessed right; it is a 'my way or highway' free school. The head actually said that to us as soon as I brought up the subject of praying during his break. He first response was 'If you don't like the way we do things here, then maybe you should go to another school.'.

OP posts:
Youdontneedacriminallawyer · 23/05/2014 12:02

Putting the issue of accommodating your faith to one side (though not to dismiss its importance, it's just a separate issue really)

All the reasons you state why DS doesn't want to go on the trip are precicely the reasons why he should go IMO.

He finds it very difficult to sleep in new places; sleeping in a tent seems to him, like the worse way to spend a night, never mind three
The trip will help him learn to cope in adverse circumstances.

he has never been on a residential before and is very apprehensive about going away with people who are at the moment, still strangers to him
This is no different to how the other children will feel, and as you said, the point of the trip is to foster bonding amongst staff and pupils. He will come home from the trip with lifelong friends.

the school is very uncompromising on students individual needs and he feels will be forced to participate in activities that he doesn't want to
The school will not FORCE anyone to do anything they aren't comfortable with, but they will strongly encourage and support all pupils to "have a go". Again, it's developmental, and learning to cope with a challenge. I know from experience how fantastic kids feel when they've achieved something they thought they couldn't do (or even had a go, when they thought they couldn't even get that far)

he will miss an important event at sports club he goes to outside of school that he is really looking forward to
I'm sure there will be lots more important events at the sports club that DS can participate in.

I'd strongly encourage you to send DS on the trip, for all of the reasons above. You'll get back a more confident, happy DS, who has lots of friends in his new school, and who the staff know and understand his strenghths and weaknesses.

vindscreenviper · 23/05/2014 12:02

I wonder if it's the same school that I mentioned upthread OP?

Does ecclesiastical purple and a miners lamp feature on the logo?

HavantGuard · 23/05/2014 12:04

I was going to say it sounded like if had the ethos of the worst kind of private/public schools. Being a free school would explain that.

HavantGuard · 23/05/2014 12:05

Also, what kind of idiots go camping in the Lakes in November?

Delphiniumsblue · 23/05/2014 12:06

It seems to me that you chose the school knowing what it stood for so it should hardly be a surprise! It is only the start- there will be more. If not suited I would change schools now, before it gets more difficult.
I am so old that when I started secondary all educational trips were free to the pupil. We went to the Lake District for a week and everyone went- there was no opt out. I understand it can't be afforded any more but it is a shame.

Delphiniumsblue · 23/05/2014 12:08

Scouts go winter camping every year- or at least ours do- a great experience and a shame every 11/12 yr old doesn't get it.
I think he is at the wrong school!

Feminine · 23/05/2014 12:11

It sounds like a totally unsuitable school.

spend your time between now and September looking for a different one.

I know that is not always possible, if however it is, that is what I'd put my energies in to.

If the school has reservations about your son praying, then goodness knows what might crop up in time.

HavantGuard · 23/05/2014 12:17

Yes, scouts go winter camping. Children who have joined an organisation that's known for being very pro camping.

MrsCakesPremonition · 23/05/2014 12:17

Of course your DS should go on the school trip, withdrawing him from it will further isolate his from his schoolmates.

However, the intolerance of praying and your DS's faith is unacceptable.

I would be tempted to agree to him going on the understanding that the school will positively accept and support his religious needs while away overnight.

HavantGuard · 23/05/2014 12:21

Could you appeal the school choice on their attitude to your DS praying?

MrsRuffdiamond · 23/05/2014 12:23

The school will not FORCE anyone to do anything they aren't comfortable with

How can you be so sure of that? They're apparently forcing everyone to go on the trip. Are you the head? Grin

There's gentle encouragement, and then there's the equivalent of
emotional blackmail. By that I mean using the fact that 'everyone else is doing such and such', and banking on reluctant participants being more afraid of being humiliated in front of their peers, than they are of the activity. Nothing for the long term good is ever achieved by forcing people to do things before they are ready. IMO.

Alisvolatpropiis · 23/05/2014 12:25

Yanbu re not wanting him to go.

Yabu about religion though. Faith shouldn't have a place at schools.

HavantGuard · 23/05/2014 12:25

I would be very wary about eg their attitude towards children with a fear or heights if they're doing abseiling.

TheDietStartsTomorrow · 23/05/2014 12:27

Alisvolatpropiis neither should prejudices against faith.

OP posts:
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